LOVE TO READ?
Here is another treat of a website for you. People that just trade books with each other.
Also see my other post for book lovers:
Bless you all.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Friday, 27 March 2009
12 ways to keep going
I found this very insightful article on http://www.beliefnet.org/ . It has 12 suggestions of how to keep going through discouragement or pain. I hope you find it a help like I did. http://www.beliefnet.com/gallery/keepgoing.html
This one has ways to calm yourself down.
At the bottom of that page are 4 more very encouraging links to other articles to give you hope and strength.
http://www.beliefnet.org/ is a fascinating site, which has sections for every belief system on earth, so that you can learn what others think and believe. The Christian section is especially full and good with many sub-sections covering everything from decorating to spiritual matters and health and marriage & family and almost any subject you can think of. I think its one of the largest websites on earth, and like a tiny world in itself. Take a browse
One way that this site has helped me, is that when I knew what a person from a different religion believed, I could better understand what way to introduce to him the gospel of Jesus Christ in a way that he would understand. This is why I got my Master's degree in world religions, also. First I started studying out of curiosity, then it became a helpful tool for missionary work online.
Blessings, Sheila
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Invisible Pollution that causes health problems
I'm pretty sure I know what it is in the house. See
http://www.dirtyelectricity.ca/electrical_hypersensitivity.htm . The easy explanation of this is that there is a safe level of electricity that the body can handle, but since wireless products and microwaves and the TESLA Project (more info below) came into being, we are being poisoned with too much electricity. The article tells what are safe levels, which appliances can cause "dirty electricity" and the remedies, but I have a cheaper fix for it than is mentioned in that article. This is just another type of invisible pollution that is making us sick.
The US gov't has found that the reason for the 700% increase in children's asthma is due to vehicle fumes. More and more poor housing are being built by large roads and highways. Then when they found out about the illnesses caused by the new compact fluorescent light bulbs, I got rid of them quickly, because Mom and I both got sick just days after using them, and since we both have lupus, we can't bear the UV rays in those lights. I also learned about some things different governments are trying in order to change the weather and to block communications from government satellites. They are dropping aluminum powder into the clouds. They did this during the Seoul 2008 Olympics. It was planned to rain in the afternoon during the main races, and they didn't want the rain to ruin the race, so they dropped aluminum powder in the clouds to make it rain in the morning instead. I am in a city that has aluminum powder dropped in the clouds above us every afternoon at 3 pm. The government is quite open and honest about it, but they are just now learning that our area has skyrocketing high cases of Alzheimer's disease and multiple sclerosis, lupus, fibromyalgia and lung disease which can be attributed to aluminum poisoning. Google HAARP (a government project to change weather and block communications,) and TESLA Project http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/9654/tesla/projecttesla.html which has now changed it's name, so it has been difficult to find newer information about it. The project makes the EMF poisoning much worse.
Scientists are learning more and more about environmental toxins/illnesses all the time. Maybe some of this information will help someone else discover what's making them feel so sick.
Blessings, 
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Test for Fibromyalgia being developed.
FINALLY!!! This disease is becoming epidemic and causing massive losses to the economy due to people no longer being able to work and needing a lot of medical care. Here is a link talking about the new test for fibro:
Blessings, Sheila
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Standing At My Fork in the Road
Hello All;
Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts. They helped a lot. I always end up in the hospital after a trip out of town, and this time I am only tired, and in pain, but not bad enough for the hospital.
Now (symbolically) I am standing looking at 2 possible paths that are coming up within 3 months, and preparing as much as possible for either road. Maybe I should have found a picture with 3 roads. One in case my husband comes, one in case he doesn't, and one in case my mother passes away soon. The fear of Mom dying has been delayed. That probably won't happen until after my husband is here. The chances are very strong that my husband will be coming home. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS SO GOOD TO US! I just wish the judge could rush it. The judge is going on a 6 week holiday, which delays our lives 6 weeks as well. Oh well, all things happen in the Lord's perfect timing. ALL DELAYS HAVE A PURPOSE!
The trip to court went as easily as possible. My Dr. had advised me not to go, and I saw why. Lupus affected my central nervous system, so it acts like the symptoms of M.S., (multiple sclerosis) so when I went to lift my foot, the message didn't quite get to my foot, so it would not lift, so I fell 3 times during the trip. I fell on my walker which caused more bruises and injuries than if I had not even been using the walker. That frustrated me a bit. I was a small city girl in the big city for sure, noticing the rushed pace, the troubled faces, the skyscrapers.
The white people there passed me as if they never even saw me falling to the ground. I have seen on TV how people ignore drunks or homeless people that fall, but I was dressed nicely for court, so I didn't look like either of those things. Every time, it was a foreigner who ran to my aid and helped me up and brushed me off. Probably because they know what its like to feel ignored and not have anyone to help. That was the most fun part of my trip! The locals don't like that the taxi drivers and hotel maids are all foreigners, and I LOVED IT! I LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk to different people about their culture and country!
We have no decision about my husband yet because I have to go back to another court session because the lawyers planned a 5 hour hearing, and the judge said she only had 3.5 hours because she had other plans. My lawyer was firm with her, saying that we had waited 3-5 years for this, this will determine 2 people's lives, and if these 2 people are denied being together because 3 or 4 questions were not covered, he would be filing a complaint against the judge; so the judge gave us her time, then said she would set up another session in about 6 weeks.
If the Lord's plan is for my husband to come here, then the only way that could have happened was to get THIS lawyer on our case and the other lawyer OFF the case. This lawyer has been better for our case in so many ways.
The other lawyer was too burned out to have pressured the judge for my rights. This lawyer also has visited the area where my husband is, and understood the danger my husband is in, and was able to answer a cultural question that baffled the judge enough that she spent a lot of time on the issue, so this lawyer was able to explain what was needed, and perhaps save our case. I don't think any other lawyer could have done that.
My lawyer also has MS, which is so much like lupus, that he could tell the judge what my life is like, and why I need my husband home to help.
After me submitting almost 2000 pages to the previous lawyer, that lawyer told me she was submitting 12 pages to the judge. This lawyer submitted 131 pages to the judge. With that, the judge would be able to see the hardships and sacrifices we have endured for our 5 year relationship to be together.
My husband and I did really well during questioning and we were asked the same questions separately. He could not hear me answer, but when they called him, we all could hear his phone call. Our answers were almost exactly the same, which was a good sign.
The lawyer that was there as sort of the defense, trying to decide if my husband really should be allowed to come or not, told my lawyer that she really liked us, which even shocked her, because at first glance this looks like a very unusual case with such dramatic stories that there's no way they could all be true, but after hearing our stories and meeting me, she told my lawyer she thinks my husband will be coming.
If she has more influence than the judge, my lawyer said it is about 75-90% sure that he is coming. If the judge has more authority than the defense lawyer, then it's back to 50% chance, because she did not seem as optimistic and impressed as the defense lawyer. I have no clue what the judge is thinking or feeling.
One more blessing from God about this delay, is that since this was all recorded, my lawyer can replay it, and pay attention to points that might have bothered the judge, and then bring up those points in the next session,giving us an even better chance of being together. No one else gets a second chance to address the judge's doubts, so even the judge not having enough time became something that will benefit us.
So if my hubby is coming, I know it will be hard in every way to be part of a couple again, but obviously good will come from it, since the Lord planned this and carried us through all the trials and the points that looked like there was no way he would be allowed to come here yet.
It's really a miracle, for many reasons, and I hope to remember all the points that we were told about why he would probably be refused the right to come right now; so we can write it in our "love story" book, all about what God did to overcome all those points.
My lawyer asked if this was an arranged marriage. I said "Yes, arranged by God." lol. Who could have a better matchmaker?
I got home Friday evening, and the next morning I went and picked up Mom and brought her home.
Mom said she is actually healthier and stronger than I am right now because she had 3 weeks of protein and nutrients and going into her veins, so she is built up pretty well. She has very little pain, she has more strength than when she went into the hospital; and the obstruction seems to be gone, and she is eating again.
I felt a lot better in the hotel than in my house, so I have to figure out if its something in this house, or if its something in my city that is making me feel worse. I thought I had it figured out what it could be in my house, but Mom thinks it might be something in the city, because she did not feel the same difference that I did when she was in the hospital. I guess I should stay in a motel in my city to see if I felt better, like I did on this trip, or if I feel the same as at my house. It also could have just been our merciful Savior carrying me through that trip also. I was in pain because of the falls I took, so I sat in a hot tub for that pain, but I did not have the same internal, constant pain that I have here.
If it turns out that it IS just our house, then I know what needs to be done to remedy the situation, and then I will have more strength to enjoy my new marriage and new life.
My sister got dizzy on the second night she stayed here, so I think there's something in the house. After she spent the day with mom at the hospital, she felt good enough to drive back to Calgary. I don't want my hubby to get sick from this house too, so I will be doing some investigating before he gets here.
The last time I thought he was coming home was valentine's day 2006, and I had hired a housekeeper for months ahead of time to help move the house around to fit his belongings in with my own. Then we found out that he would not be allowed out of the country, and I filled all the emptry drawers and empty closet space again because I couldn't bear to look at them and think that he should be with me. Now I will start all over with the sorting and moving, etc. This time probably on my own, because I have not been able to find anyone to hire. I think I will leave some things for my husband to do when he gets here so he has some things to do to fill his time, and so he will feel like he helped to re-arrange this place to make it his home as well. So it will be about 3-4 months from now if he does come.
After the court hearing, I went back to the hotel, kneeled down and thanked the Lord for making everything as easy as possible. There were many subjects that my ex-lawyer wanted to raise that would have been very controversial and may have lost our case, and not one of them was mentioned, so I thanked the Lord for making this trip as easy as possible, even if it seemed like Satan was trying his best to keep me out of that court room by making me too sick to go or to injure myself and not be able to make it. I thanked Him for carrying us through all the trials and the fears, and for all the things we had learned from 5 years of leaning on Him and learning the lessons that are in my previous blog, "When We Struggle, http://bluebirdyliving.blogspot.com/2009/03/when-we-suffer.html .
THANKS AGAIN MY DEAR FRIENDS...definitely you are my gifts from God, inspired by God, instruments of God. Thank you for keeping your faith strong and hearing the promptings of the Holy Spirit when He asks you to send a friend something or tell them something that turns out to be the perfect thing at the perfect time.
Blessings to you!
Blessings to you!
OUR LORD IS SO GENEROUS AND KIND!
I AM OVERWHELMED AT HOW MANY SEEMINGLY "IMPOSSIBLE" SITUATIONS HE JUST HELPED ME OVERCOME ALL AT ONCE. HE SPOILS ME LIKE A LOVING FATHER SPOILS HIS DAUGHTER. HOW DO PEOPLE FUNCTION WITHOUT HIM ??? I PRAY THAT EVERYONE WHO READS THIS AND DOES NOT KNOW THE LORD WILL HAVE A SUPERNATURAL ENCOUNTER WITH HIM, WHERE HE ENTERS YOUR HEART AND CHANGES YOUR HEART AND MIND FOREVER.
Add on note: I am watching the news, and there was a snow storm the day after I was in Calgary, and the day before I went to Calgary. It was beautiful weather while I was there. That was also perfect timing. I am the weakest of the weak, so I lean on God more than most would. In return, he is guiding me with perfect timing. I still have much to learn about trusting Him in ALL things. I am so dense and such a slow learner in that area, like most humans I guess. He really did make that difficult trip as easy as it could have possibly been.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Going to Court
Hello dear gifts from the Lord;
It's 6 in the morning, I am haven't been to sleep yet, I am rushing to finish packing to catch a ride to a city 3-4 hours away to go to court about my husband. Its not a good time to have this hearing, since I am so exhausted and in pain that I can't remember 5 years of facts and details or think quickly right now, so I need the Lord to put the words in my mind and mouth, and to soften the hearts of all those involved in the decision making process to know the right thing to do. I will be in court from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. Thursday March 19 mountain standard time. Please pray for everyone involved in the court case.
They mercifully kept Mom in the hospital until I get back so that I know she will be well taken care of.
I went to the Dr. yesterday to get some refills and she advised me not to go to court because some lupus blood tests are higher than they've ever been in my life due to the stress, but I told her I could not back out now, we will have to deal with my health when I get back, but again, the pain and exhaustion makes it hard to think clearly.
I KNOW THE LORD HAS BEEN CARRYING ME ALL MONTH...I HOPE HE WILL ALSO THINK FOR ME . FIVE HOURS OF "INTERROGATION" IS GOING TO BE STRESSFUL ON BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I. THEY WILL BE ON THE PHONE WITH HIM DURING THE TRIAL.
I hope to break the cycle of me ending up in the hospital each time I travel. When I travel I rarely sleep or keep food down and rarely am able to drink very much due to being so uncomfortable and stressed. This time I got a hotel with room service so I can get food even if I am in too much pain to go find a restaurant to eat at. That way I hope to get strong enough to take care of Mom when I get home.
I wish I could get a decision tomorrow about my husband, but they mail you the decision later, up to 3 months later, so please pray for a quick response so I will know which direction my future is heading and how to prepare for it. Thank you all.
Blessings,
Sheila
Sheila
Friday, 13 March 2009
FOR BOOK LOVERS!
For Bookaholics like me
$3.97 shipping anywhere in the world
PLUS
your purchase helps charities!
check out
I am so grateful to find this site. In Canada, ANY book I bought from USA, even if it was a 1 cent used book, cost $12.97 shipping!!
Then when you don't want the book anymore, you can sell them back on this site!
You can also donate textbooks for underprivileged students in various countries
or donate any type of books for people who are trying to gain literacy.
Bibliotherapy- therapy through books. Much cheaper than a therapist, and you can read them again and again to get different things from them at different stages of your life.
One thing the world might never have enough of is LOVE,
but the other thing, is books.
but the other thing, is books.
Every life is a storybook.
(Probably more than one book actually.)
Blessings,
Bluebirdy
Thursday, 12 March 2009
When We Struggle....
If you never felt pain, Then how would you know If you never had to pray, How would you know that I am a Deliverer? If you never had a problem,How would you know If you never had any suffering, Then how would If I never corrected you, How would you know that I love you? If you had all power, Then how would you learn If your life was perfect, Then what would you need me for?This Really helped to heal my spirit last night.When We Struggle....THIS IS REALITY !
that I am a Healer? 
If you never had a trial, How could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness, How would you know that I am a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake, How would you know that I am a forgiver?
If you knew all, How would you know that
I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, How would you
know that I will come to your rescue
If you never were broken, Then how would you know
that I can make you whole?
that I can solve them?
you know what I went through? 
If you never went through the fire, Then
would you become pure?
If I gave you all things, How would you appreciate them?
to depend on me? 
Love, Jesus
Did You Ever Eat This?
I stopped at the grocery store for some apples, and found this new fruit that I just couldn't pass by. Isn't it beautiful!? Its called a Dragon Fruit. Have you ever eaten it? If you did, where do you live? Its bigger than my hand. It is soft like a stuffed toy, and the skin feels like its made of wax!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE trying new things. That is the joy of life, discovering/learning new things. It looks like a fruit that you would find in heaven! I am eager to see all the many fruits and flowers and plants and animals world wide. Science says that there are 200+ species of plants, insects, animals, etc. going extinct every year. It makes me think of the story of Adam and Eve. So many people assume that It was an apple that they were tempted with and that they ate, but it doesn't say "an apple", it says "a fruit". So it was probably a fruit that is now extinct. Its yummy! The seeds are like kiwi fruit seeds or poppy seeds. I thank God for these little gifts that bring sunshine into my life through these struggles.
I had a day of crying and frustration and praying...and I asked the Lord to fill me up with courage and that He will keep reminding me that He DOES know me and takes care of the smallest details, so I need not fear. I will come out of it alive and wiser, but still I am scared of all the suffering I might go through in the meantime. Kind of like "Father, if you can take this cup from me...but nevertheless, let THY will, not MY will be done." So I feel stronger spiritually now. I guess I hit my panic point when the pain and exhaustion get so bad that I can't think clearly and the "screaming" of pain in my body overwhelms the "still small voice inside" that is trying to get through to me. So things are getting better.
blessings, 
Monday, 9 March 2009
Trigeminal Neuralgia-The Suicide Disease
I TRIED TO EMBED THE VIDEO HERE SO YOU COULD WATCH IT HERE WITHOUT YOUTUBE PAGE OPENING UP, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK, SO I GUESS I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO EMBED VIDEOS. PLEASE WATCH THIS VERY SHORT VIDEO ABOUT ONE OF THE CONDITIONS I TRY TO FUNCTION WITH. BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THIS VIDEO TO WATCH IT, CLOSE MY BLOG WINDOW, OR TURN OFF MY MUSIC BY GOING TO THE MUSIC BOX IN THE RIGHT COLUMN, AND CLICKING ON THE BUTTON THAT LOOKS LIKE 2 VERTICAL LINES . THAT WILL STOP THE MUSIC SO YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND ON THE VIDEO. Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxrZRa58g4o
THE TREATMENTS THAT ARE AVAILABLE HAVE A VERY HIGH FAILURE RATE, OFTEN CAUSING WORSE PROBLEMS. I HAVE DISCOVERED A PLACE THAT DOES A NEW TREATMENT THAT IS NOT SURGERY, BUT I AM WAITING TO SEE WHAT THE LONG TERM AFFECTS ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD IT, BECAUSE I HAVE HEARD HORROR STORIES FROM PEOPLE WHO HAD THE MOST COMMON SURGERY FOR IT.
Meanwhile, back at my everday life...
I am slower and slower each day getting to the hospital for my Mom. They moved her to the surgery floor last night, which means surgery will come soon. I am hoping it will change her life for the better, and will not take her, like the doctors fear.
ANOTHER LESSON OF "DELAYS HAVE A PURPOSE"
The reason I went to the storage unit was to get a suitcase to go to court with. When I saw the luggage and other things were stolen, I started looking for another one I could afford. The cheapest one I found was one suitcase with wheels for $35, but then I went to the biggest hardware store in the country, and for Saturday and Sunday only, they were selling a set of rose colored rolling suitcases that fit inside each other for storage for only $35. My receipt said "You have saved $70.89 today." So it was 60% off! If I would have gone to the storage unit at any other time, I would not have found that lovely luggage set that I was able to afford. I love that they are not black (like 90% of rolling luggage), because it's so hard to tell those apart at airports. Another little consolation gift from the Lord to help me through this stream of crisises. He knows our needs, and even our wants, and often helps fulfill them.
Blessings,
Bluebirdy/Sheila
Meanwhile, back at my everday life...
I am slower and slower each day getting to the hospital for my Mom. They moved her to the surgery floor last night, which means surgery will come soon. I am hoping it will change her life for the better, and will not take her, like the doctors fear.
ANOTHER LESSON OF "DELAYS HAVE A PURPOSE"
The reason I went to the storage unit was to get a suitcase to go to court with. When I saw the luggage and other things were stolen, I started looking for another one I could afford. The cheapest one I found was one suitcase with wheels for $35, but then I went to the biggest hardware store in the country, and for Saturday and Sunday only, they were selling a set of rose colored rolling suitcases that fit inside each other for storage for only $35. My receipt said "You have saved $70.89 today." So it was 60% off! If I would have gone to the storage unit at any other time, I would not have found that lovely luggage set that I was able to afford. I love that they are not black (like 90% of rolling luggage), because it's so hard to tell those apart at airports. Another little consolation gift from the Lord to help me through this stream of crisises. He knows our needs, and even our wants, and often helps fulfill them.
Blessings,
Bluebirdy/Sheila
New Understandings of Fibro
Great article about the newer things that the medical world has learned about Fibromyalgia:
Article about dealing with Chronic pain
Alternative Pain Therapies
Pain tests, Doctors and Attitudes about Pain
Blessings, Sheila
Friday, 6 March 2009
I Was Robbed!
I have good news and bad news.
good news- I get to buy new luggage (which I really can't afford right now). bad news- I have to buy it because my storage unit was robbed.
i am so tired!!!
One kind man who reads my blog (Joseph Pulikotil )
wrote about me in his own blog and said how strong I was or something of that sort, well I am certainly not strong tonight. I am worn out and crying like a baby little child who is so tired there is nothing else they can do but to cry to release the frustration and hopefully cry themselves to sleep.
I was too sick to go see Mom today, and I knew I had to save my strength to get into my stuck storage unit door this afternoon with someone who offered to help me fix the door and the lock. My storage unit is just an old garage behind a house that is rented to various people. There was a lot of construction material blocking the door because they were fixing up the interior of the house, and then the key was not working right in the lock, and the door was frozen shut. So this gentleman that lives in the house in front of the garage helped me because the landlord is as sick as I am, or maybe worse. He cleared away the construction material, as I was using my walker with a seat and had to sit by that time, he got a metal pointy thing and chipped away the ice, and then we found out why the lock didn't work. Someone had broken into my storage unit and stolen anything that could be sold.
My luggage on wheels; everything that I stored in my luggage for traveling; every item I had bought over the years for when my husband gets home and we have our own kitchen and our own apartment; all my dishes and pots and pans and appliances; all the items I collected over the years that had lemons on them because I love lemons; all my seasonal clothes....all gone.
My first thought was that I remembered this old country song sung by a guy with a really twangy nasal voice who sings "I'm so lonesome I could die"....and I thought "I'm so tired I could die" to the tune of the music. Then I thought "This must be how babies/toddlers must feel when they are so tired that they are just disagreeable and don't want to do anything but cry. I am so tired I just need to cry to release all the tension of the last few weeks. So I did, for a few minutes. It does help some. I guess crying is the "tension release valve." Then I started shaking all over like I was cold, but I wasn't cold. Just stored up stress I guess.
This storage unit could not be insured (I found out only after I had moved everything into it and could not afford to move it to somewhere more expensive.)
So I won't get insurance money for it.
The only good thing I can see coming from that is that if Mom does pass away, the thief made room for me to put more of my things in there as I leave this house into a smaller place. I was planning on sorting out a lot of stuff in there, but I wanted to be the one to
choose which items stayed and which items went.
The person who was helping me open the door said he thought the tenant of the back half of the house did it, because he also destroyed the inside of the house, and was evicted, and probably decided to take as much as he could because he was kicked out.
Well, I'll deal with finding new luggage for the court trip another day. I'm going to bed. It's only 7:30 and I am wiped out.
DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO USE DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME, REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR CLOCK FORWARD SATURDAY NIGHT. FOR SOME REASON THEY ARE DOING IT 5 WEEKS EARLY LAST YEAR AND THIS YEAR.
Blessings,
Thursday, 5 March 2009
This week's Mantra
This week I just keep saying to myself :
"ALL THINGS WORK FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD".
ALL things, no matter how difficult. It's just very tough to get through the storm, but at the end of the storm will be a rainbow, and you can't have a rainbow unless you have the rain or storm first.
I am walking around like a zombie, I just go to the hospital, come home and crash and can't get up or function until the next morning when I get up and go back to the hospital again. Typing in my blog or answering 2 or 3 emails is the limit of what I can do. I got very dehydrated from not drinking enough these past few weeks, (that causes severe kidney pain for me), so I had to go to the E.R. today in order to get through sitting for 6 hours with Mom today. It seems like when no one is there, the nurses neglect Mom to the point that the IV fluids dry up and Mom doesn't get the medicines that were ordered for her etc. You really need an advocate when you are in this hospital. I hope someday I will have someone to do that for me. (Hopefully my husband). But now my family sees how sick I am after 6 hours of going out of the house, and they are saying I have no right to be married because I can't do everything a wife needs to do to make a successful marriage. Right now I don't even know if I will have the strength to get to court, but if the Lord does help me get there, I will need God to make my brain function, because I can barely think with this kind of pain and exhaustion. It looks as though they might send Mom home about the same time I need to be in another city for the court hearing, so I don't know what I am going to do for Mom if that happens.
Mom's pneumonia cleared up amazingly fast, and I know prayer did that. There is material in her bowel moving around the blockage, so it's not a total obstruction now, but the huge lump of body waste is still there on the x-rays, so they are not sure whether to keep her and try to keep dissolving it, or to operate, or to send her home since some things are moving in her bowel. If they send her home now, it will just be a matter of weeks before it's a total obstruction again, and I don't know how many times we both can go through this. She's so much stronger in every way than I am.
My brother goes up to sit with her for a few hours now which is a big help. He didn't do that until about 3 days ago. Hospitals bothered him too much but now he has gotten more used to it I guess. I probably already mentioned that my sister came from out of town and relieved me for a few days, but while I am typing this, I can't read the rest of my blog to see if I have mentioned it or not.
I am so thankful for the many generous, giving, spiritual hearts who help encourage and lift me.
Bless you all!
Monday, 2 March 2009
It's Going To Be a Long Road.
I think this is how I think most doctors in Canada think.
If they just put us off for long enough, whatever we have will just go away.
Mom will be in the hospital at least 2 more weeks. (If she lives.) They have to get rid of the pneumonia, then she'll have surgery, then will be there for a while to recover because I really can't be the nurse she needs at home when there are 4 nurses working on her various tubes at one time. In 3 weeks I have to go out of town to court to try to get my husband here, and when I return from that, I know how my body reacts to traveling and stress, and I will be barely able to move for days after that trip. I will be praying that I will be stronger and healthier than ever to get through the next month or more, because there will be much more required of me whether mom lives or dies. I will have to hold moving sales and find another place to live if Mom passes. I know I keep repeating it but it just seems so very difficult for me that I am shaking.
I remember how much paperwork the government needed Mom to do for Dad when he died last year. I wondered how the government expected people who had no family to do all that paperwork for them after they die. I remember Mom spending more than 80 hours on it. I will be much slower than her if I am moving and going to court and having moving sales and sick all at once. I wish my husband was already here, or that Mom would live until he does get here so I will have his help. I will be praying for her to live, or for her death to be delayed, but the Lord does know better than I do what needs to happen and why,
so I will trust Him to do what is best for all concerned.
Blessings, 
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Scared
Thanks again for all your loving comments and emails and calls. Mom called me yesterday, telling me to get my sister and brother from out of town here, they were going to operate as soon as possible. They got here, and still no surgery, so I asked the nurse when it was going to happen, and she said mom now has pneumonia, so they can't operate while she has that. My sister is with Mom today, letting me get a rest, because I am in pretty rough shape myself. If she passes away, I will be happy she is not suffering anymore, but it will be so very hard for me because my disability income is not enough to live on my own, and I will have to have estate sales to sell everything in the house, and then find someplace to move to that I can afford. (nearly impossible.) My lupus is getting worse day by day through this, and I can barely lift 10 kilos (20 pounds), and I'm getting slower each day when getting up and getting to the hospital, and resting more and more often on my walker with a seat as I go up there. It's a bit expensive to have Mom in the hospital for me too. I pay $5-10 a day parking, $4-$8 for 1 small item to eat for each meal at the hospital cafeteria, and quite a bit in gas. I'm happy to do it for her, but with my little income, it might run out soon. Well I'm going to try to have a nap since my sister is relieving me at the hospital. I have not been eating or drinking enough, and my doc said that could bring back the kidney stone attacks, so whenever my back starts to hurt again, I tense up and pray for it to go away and go get a drink. It's quite a walk to where a visitor can go get a drink of water or bottled water from where Mom's room is, and lately I have not had the strength to even make it that far to buy the drink of water. They advise us not to drink the hospital water from the tap, maybe it has something dangerous in it or something. The patients get filtered water, but Mom is not allowed to have anything by mouth, she is getting her fluids from IV (intravenous needles and tubes) and now they put another tube from her arm into her heart and pump IV foods (proteins and fats and vitamins) into that IV to strengthen her...so we are praying that with enough of those nutrients, her body will start to fight off the pneumonia. HOPE is so important. I think hope is the very thing that keeps us alive. If you lose hope, you lose reason for living. So hope is a catalyst for staying alive.
Continued prayers for my strength, my siblings strength, for softened hearts of my landlord and anyone else I may have to deal with through this ordeal, as well as my mother, are felt and appreciated. I need to approach the church and ask for volunteers to sit with her for a few hours a day to help her reach kleenex and scratch her nose or adjust pillows or answer her phone and hold it up to her ear, etc. They have pretty much forgotten us even though my parents worked almost full time for them for 50 years.
PEOPLE SAY STUPID THINGS WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. There is a lady from church who was assigned to come check on us once a month, but she is so very insensitive and doesn't understand pain or illness at all. Her husband has been suffering with kidney stones for months and she is quite mean to him about it all. She came to the door the other day and I told her Mom was in serious condition in the hospital, and she said "Well you and she are just barely existing anyway, not living, so maybe it would be better if the Lord took you both ASAP." I was so shocked and hurt I didn't even answer her. So I guess according to her, if we can't do all that she does, we have no right to be alive. I wonder what happens when she gets injured or in 10 years when she is in her 80s and can't do as much. I bet she will still think SHE has a right to stay alive. Needless to say, we will be requesting another lady to come to check on us instead of her. It feels awful that they have to ASSIGN someone to come visit us, but we have no way to go out and make friends, so that friends would check on us instead.
Well, I do remember that ALL THINGS (no matter how hard) work for good for those who love the Lord...I just don't feel like I have the strength, money and manpower or local friends I might need to get through all of this and do the funeral and move and then travel to another city to go to court to get my husband here for our hardship.
Blessings,
Just tired out me.
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