LIFE --1 Hour At A Time!

Blogger won't allow me to center this photo right,

My first grand daughter arrived at 6:30 p.m. Thursday night. I have 4 grandsons, but it will be fun to make girly things for a grand daughter. YAYYY! I wish so much that I could be there for my daughter and also here for my mother. I'm not doing a very good job of caring for either of them, or caring for myself.

Another blessing, a number of church members have shown up! I hope they will stay in our lives as contacts even after Mom leaves the hospital. That's a first! What a blessing! I'm just trying to understand people again. I am tired of hearing people say "If I can do anything...call me." because I called 3 to do the smallest favor for us, and they all said they wouldn't, couldn't. People should not even say "If there's anything I can do..." if they don't mean it.

Mom is a toughie! She's talkative (wears me out actually) and is reading, talking on phone, so I won't believe what that surgeon said about her never getting her strength back. My God is stronger than his science book. They are still talking about weeks to months, but I'm so amazed as how soon she is doing things. Sooner than other surgery patients half her age, and she has a raging infection and lupus to deal with.

Last night she had another bad incident of neglect. She was choking and trying to get the nurses to pay attention, then the tried to hold her down, thinking she was panicking or something, then the tube in her nose had pulled out in the scuffle, so they started blaming her for pulling it out on purpose, and insulting her. Always when I'm not there! But I can't stay 15 -24 hours a day.
They replaced the tube, with much difficulty because her throat is so swollen. So now there are 7 tubes of IV medicine going in, and 2 tubes coming out, and a colostomy.


It made me mad that they confont her/bully her when I'm not there, so I was sure I would stay all night last night. Her nurse also has lupus, but not very bad yet, so she was very compassionate about us, hoping she will never get as bad as Mom and I. I stayed until about 12, then realized if I stay in that chair all night, then I will not be able to move in the morning. I will be no use to Mom and they might even wheel me down to E.R. and I'd get admitted to another floor, where I really couldn't help Mom. So I went home about midnight, scared of what they might do to her or neglect her with. I wish I was superhuman so I could watch her at all times.

I spent so many hours each day looking for a private nurse for when I can't be there, and now Mom says she doesn't want one, because in a situation like that, the hired nurse would probably take the nurse's side, not Mom's side. I'm getting sicker and weaker, I don't know how I will do this for months. Already my heart failure has added 10 pounds (about 5 kilos) of water overnight, swelling up my legs and feet, so it means my heart is overworking. Some days I do wonder if I will die before she will.

Everything else seems to go wrong that I try to do or touch or buy etc. and I'm praying for God to chase Satan away for a while, to give me a break. Took half an hour yesterday and 1 hour today to straighten out a parking problem, the machine that prints out permits took 12 dollars of mine, because I was trying to buy a weekly pass which is $25, but at $12.55 it cancelled the transaction. So now I have to appeal to an office our capital city 8 hours away, and find out how to get a weekly ticket. I can't afford much more of this $6 a day stuff. It ate up the money I had saved for my other daughter's birthday. I'll do a story on her when this is all over. She's amazing too.

Oh...I'm living on Ensure. Too stressed to be hungry, so not getting enough food, drink, sleep, rest. I told my boss of my online job that I would not be working for a while. He kept sending me work, saying how he would lose this good client if I didn't do it. I did the first 2 then told him NO MORE! I can't even do a good job when I can only think of this crisis. So I haven't gotten any work since. I can't work a part time job through all of this.

Back to the hospital
Blessings, Sheila

Posted by Bluebirdy at 11:26