Hello Friends!
I decided I'd better take some of my energy to post something. Since my heart stopped while getting groceries a few weeks ago, I have been as weak as a baby. Too weak to think, to type for very long, to even breathe.
NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT MY LIFE IS RIGHT NOW, I/WE ARE GREATLY BLESSED!!!
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness,you are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle,the loneliness of imprisonment,the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation,you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.
If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment,arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep,you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, some in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.
If you are feeling blessed, repay the blessings bestowed unto you and do something for others.
A blessing cannot be kept. If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear. The blessing will only keep working if it is continuously passed around.
If you are a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the source of blessing to other people.
I started researching what people should do to recover after a heart attack. The literature says that for the first week the patient isn't supposed to do ANYTHING physical at all. No climbing stairs, no walking farther than about 10 steps, nothing. For the first month they are supposed to avoid any traumatic news or emotional upset. That's kind of impossible in this world. I did exactly what I shouldn't have, so probably made my heart problem worse! I just want to be well! I have been carrying in heavy groceries and using the stairs (almost falling to my knees at the top), and there has been overwhelming emotional things happen about every other day, from the amount of paperwork that the lawyer is asking me to do, problems from the medical system, a disagreement with a friend, and now it has been suggested to me to contact the Civil rights union in Canada, to try to get my husband home.
I don't know if I can handle the stress of starting this case all over again with another group (Civil Rights Union). Yes I would die for my husband, but I sure don't like the suffering that comes before the dying.
Someone said "The hard tasks we do right away. The impossible takes a little longer." Well, it SEEMS impossible, but if it's God's will, HE will help us find a solution to the impossible.
I was given 12 assignments by the lawyer. I worked for 16 hours on it the other day, that was the first assignment. It will take a very long time if they all take 16 hours, because I can't work on it every day. I do wonder if the legal system is spreading this out over many many hours so they can get paid more (Legal aid is paying for it, so maybe they figure they are not hurting me by taking more hours to do it.) I don't know anymore. Everything we are being told to do, every direction and option that we look at to get together seems to be blocked by a brick wall, so we sit in the middle, walled in, no options, not able to plan for the future because we don't know if we will be planning for a couple or for 2 separated people, but can't bear to call it quits, either. I have told him many times that it would be OK if we got the marriage annulled and he married someone else. If he can't get to Canada and I am too sick to move to another country, I don't want him to waste his life. He gets quite upset. He wants to be with me no matter how hard it is and no matter how ill I get. It seems like he thinks this is the Lord's will, and that it is sort of like a calling for me to be ill, because we and others around us learn from people who are ill, and he thinks it is his calling to be married to me, because he will learn from it and will be blessed for helping someone who needs so much help. One person had an interesting theory. He said that if it IS God's will that I don't get cured, and that my hubby be with a sick wife, then it wouldn't matter if he was married to me or someone else, the other wife would also become sick...so he might as well keep trying to be with someone he loves, rather than break up and find someone else.
Having NO control over our life or our future or our options is so discouraging. It's enough to make you lose hope, especially when you are too weak to think of creative alternatives.
Oh well, I will "Lean not on my own understanding", because "The Lord's ways are not our ways". Having so little strength to do anything has made me "BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT HE IS." It has made me take time to listen to the answers to my prayers, not just talk to God. Why pray if you don't listen for the answers?
Mom and I got food poisoning night before last from Salsa in a plastic container. I couldn't figure out how that could become poisonous. The expiration date was fine. Then a friend that works in a fast food place told me that if tomatoes are frozen, then left unrefrigerated too long, they can grow bacteria or spoil. The store must have left it off the shelf too long. Wow that was horrible. I am glad we had 2 bathrooms. We were laying on the floor there, too weak to get back to our room in between our sessions of being sick. Too sick to go to the E.R. for sure. I thank God it only lasted one night and was not worse than it was.
Last week California approved gay marriages. Every time any other state or province has done that, a natural disaster has happened days later. In Ontario, the SARS virus hit. In B.C., a horrible flood occurred. I can't remember which state it was, but I remember a tornado or something happening there when they approved gay marriage, and so I was wondering what would happen in California. Well now in the news they are telling about a massive amount of frogs coming up through the storm drains in some part of California, so many that it looked like a plague! Strange!
No matter how hard things are for my family, I still pray for those who are going through things that are so much worse, like those in the Beijing earthquake, and the Myanmar cyclones and other Asian areas cyclones,
MORE, BIGGER aftershocks happened today in Beijing and they have no way how they will clean up all the debris and bodies that are still hidden under the debris before the Olympics in a few months. Then in the Southern USA, a tornado a few miles wide wiped out whole counties! The newspapers are saying that USA doesn't have enough manpower to help, because Bush sent the men to other countries, and they don't have enough money to help, because he is bankrupting the country, causing a serious depression by spending 8 billion dollars a day in the war. God bless all of them. I would like to support the war by bringing all our boys home. You have the right to disagree with my opinion, but thank the Lord we are allowed to have free thought, free speech, freedom of the press, etc. I could not say these things in MANY MANY countries of the world.
Well, this took me many many hours. I am worn out.
Blessings to you all!
Bluebirdy
