LIFE --1 Hour At A Time!

For quite a few years now, I have been blessed by Lisa Copen who has started online ministries and help resources for people who have chronic illnesses that are not visible from the outside. Many health issues are visible, such as those who need to use canes or wheelchairs or oxygen or those whose appearance has been affected by their illness in some way. The majority of people with chronic illnesses though, you can't see what they are struggling with. These are classed as "invisible illnesses". You can see the icons for invisible illness sites and invisbile illness week on the right side of my blog, these are from Lisa's sites. She has over 600 webpages/websites, and does a lot of public speaking and awareness through public speaking, writing books, book tours, and now a new concept, BLOG TOURS.

Blog tours are when a person asks bloggers to post an interview on their blog, to increase awareness of a certain issue or product. I am very honored to be included in this endeavor. Her websites have sustained me, helped me grow in my relationship with the Lord, and put me in contact with very spiritual people who have learned wisdom through thier struggles, and can pass that wisdom on to others. Through them, I have learned so much that I would never have figured out alone in a lifetime alone, so I am now able to reach out to others who are quite new to the world of chronic illness, and so the circle continues. The student
soon becomes a teacher.
That is where I spend most of my time, getting counseled and offering counsel from others who are suffering, and we help each other get farther away from worldly things, and closer to eternal concepts. Through sheer necessity, we get closer to the Lord, because of our need to constantly leean on Him. We learn to not only talk to Him, but to listen for the answers. He will answer our prayers. James 1:5 says"

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God,
who gives to all men liberally,
and does not hold back; and it shall be given him."

I believe people with physical limitations have no choice but to spend more time "Being still, knowing that He is real." That is one benefit of being slowed down, to be able to learn to listen to the answers (There are actually many blessings and benefits that come from hardships.)

I can't find the scripture I want, but one says we will be shown the mysteries of the universe if we are willing to ask and to learn to listen and recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit and the Savior and the Father.
It is a great feeling to know that even though we are limited physically, we can still be useful, we can still feel needed, by helping others online. We contineu to learn as we help others. Before the days of internet, I can't imagine how people surivived emotionally or physically for very long through serious illnesses that would make them shut-ins. How isolated and lonely they would be! I am so grateful to live in the age of Internet so the Lord can send me wise and loving friends from all over the world, and they are available at my fingertips. Now, to introduce you to a great influence in my life (and hundreds of thousands of others),

Lisa Copen.

Copen joins us today as the founder of http://www.invisibleillnessweek.com/ .

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week this year is September 14-20, 2009, and there are lots of ways to get involved, including a free 5-day virtual conference. Lisa is on a blog tour to help people know about the event and how it can specifically encourage you.

Sheila: Hi, Lisa. Thanks for connecting with us here today at Life--4 hours at a time blog.
LC: Thanks for having me. I've had a great time getting to visit so many incredible blogs that cover such a variety of health and illness topics.
Even I have been surprised just how many there are, and the quality of them. Both readers and writers of blogs have made such a difference for people who live with illness.
I appreciate all of the bloggers who bring more awaremess amd familiarity, not just to illnesses and conditions, but to who the people are who live with the constant "daily-ness" of chronic pain or health issues.

Sheila: Yes, those who struggle with constant pain and fatigue seem to be a deep-thinking, quality type of spirit. Speaking of awareness, tell us about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. That's quite a mouthful!
LC: I know. You'll often hear it described as just Invisible Illness Week too. Our mission is to have a designated time, worldwide, in which
people who live with chronic illness, those who love them, and organizations are encouraged to educate the general public, churches, health care professionals and government officials about the affects of living with a disease that is not visually apparent.
Through programs and resources, we seek to recognize the daily challenges of more than 100 million adults and children who live with invisible illness. Its also a great chance for people with any illness to be involved in a national event to increase the under-standing of their own particular disease. They can use our event to blog about the emotions of living with their illness, for example, how they often may look perfectly fine, but are in deep pain.

Sheila: Tell us about this virtual conference.
LC: The virtual conference is a unique opportunity to attend a conference without having to get out of your pajamas! The main event of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is this 5-day virtual conference--which is all completely free--September 14-18. We have 20 speakers who are experts in chronic illness and their specific area and each will be giving a 40-minute seminar and then taking calls from our listeners live. The seminars are M-F, 4 times a day, and will feature a variety of topics such as going to college, the challenges of marriage, applying for disability financial assistance, cleaning and organizing, finding the right job, faith, preparing for surgery, parenting, and many more. You can listen to them all free live, or later on your computer, even download them from itunes. Or they can be purchased on a CD.

Sheila: Really? So are last years programs available too?
LC: They are. We used a chat room originally so we had written transcripts, but one can ALSO hear 2008's programs from a computer, itunes, or purchased on a CD.

Sheila: I know a lot of us would love to attend a 5-day conference on how to better cope with chronic illness, but because of our illness, traveling, finances, sitting for so long, and other factors, it just isn't possible, so this is perfect.
LC: Isn't it? It's kind of ironic that we began virtual conferences years ago, but now many organizations and companies are making this a trend because of the economy and costs of a real conference

Sheila: Why did you see Invisible Illness Week as something that was needed? What made you decide to start this program?
LC: Well, a few reasons. I began Rest Ministries in 1997. It's a Christian organization
that serves those who live with chronic illness and the sponsor of Invisible Illness Week. I kept seeing many people who felt very alone, misunderstood, and frustrated, feeling that their illness, pain, and suffering were completely invalidated. Many people have a spouse who even doubts the existence of an illness.

Then I also heard from family members of those who are ill, pastors, caregivers, and even doctors who really wanted to communicate better with those who dealt with chronic pain and just didn't know what to say or how to say it. They may have tried to say the right thing, but it ended up coming out from so they would just withdraw from the relationship. The fact that illness and pain is invisible to see can make it hard for healthy people to understand. And those with illness can easily become bitter when their loved ones believe it is being exaggerated. It makes for a sad situation all the way around and I thought communication could be a helpful first step.

Sheila: This sounds familiar. I've heard many people say this.
LC: Yes, sadly it does, doesn't it? Even those of us who say we cope well on a day-to-day basis with our chronic illness can suddenly be overwhelmed with the emotions when we legally parked in a disabled parking spot and someone walking by gives us "the look" of skepticism. Or perhaps one of our dearest friends unknowingly asks, "So, you must be feeling a lot better by now, right?" There is a difference between being sick with a cold virus and being chronically ill. With a chronic illness you don't get "all better", but instead you go through the seasons of the illness. This difference is hard to grasp what you've never tell with a chronic condition.

Sheila: So you decided to start Invisible Illness Week and address some of these issues?
LC: Yes, I wanted to bring people together to encourage one another. I saw people hurting when they had every reason not to and I knew they could encourage others. It really doesn't matter what illness we have, where we live, what age we are, how long ago we were diagnosed, etc. The fact that most of our illnesses are invisible and not seen by people gives us a lot more in common that most of the physical symptoms of our specific illnesses ever could.

Sheila: What illness do you have, Lisa?
LC: I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1993, at the age of 24. A few years after that, fibromyalgia. I've never been in remission, so I have had a difficult time of it, though I know it could have been worse. Each day is a challenge and I am on multiple medications to just try to have some quality of life and keep walking. My hands and feet are pretty deformed now and I have many surgeries in my near future. My illness has gone from being completely invisible to much more visible and it's not just the pain that bothers me now but the loss of being able to do things, or do them with ease. Driving or unloading the dishwasher is an event because of my hands. Suddenly stepping off a curb is a challenge.

Sheila: How can people get involved with Invisible Illness Week and find out more information?
LC: Thank you for asking because just by helping us spread the word, for example,
sharing about this blog post or by linking to it or posting it on Facebook, is the perfect ways to help our grassroots cause. I probably don't have to tell you that we don't have a marketing budget! When people introduce their friends or family to our virtual conference or tweet out our twitters or articles, they are making a significant difference. We also have some fun items to help spread the word like buttons, and tote bags, silicon bracelets that say "Invisible Illness, Visible Hope," awareness pins, and of course bumper stickers.

Our theme this year it is "A Little Help Gives a Lot of Hope." We are also accepting blogs from people to be featured on our site as a guest blogger. And we have a place to sign up to commit to blog on the topic of invisible illness on one's own blog. You can join our cause on Facebook and share it with others, tell people about our video, our twitter facts about illness, things like that. Tell your doctor, counselor, pastor, colleagues; we have brochures available too.

Some people use this week as an opportunity to call their local paper and share about the week, their support group and their illness, and get featured in a story. Since it's listed in Chase's Annual Events, journalists can tie it together.

Sheila: How has blogging and twittering and other forms of social media made a difference? Has it helped in how you've been able to let people know about Invisible Illness Week?
LC: Yes! So much, it's unbelievable. It's given every person who is interested in letting people know about what is important to them (like increased awareness about an illness) a forum. We've sent out some series of tweets in the forms of lists, like 20 things to say to a chronically ill person, illness facts, 20 things not to say, etc. with the twitter hashtag #iiwk09. There have been some really deep conversations at places like Facebook, spurred on from our posts. Be sure to follow us @invisibleillwk on Twitter!

We have over 1600 people who have joined our cause on Facebook. And we are giving away prizes to people involved in these different areas of outreach.

Sheila: I know there are a lot of people who feel so utterly alone, as if no one understands what they are going through. What do you tell these people?
LC: Honestly, if I could just sit beside them and give them a long gentle hug, I would do that first. I struggle with just listening myself; I always want to start solving the problem! But I know someone to listen to them is what most people really need. Secondly, I would also validate that they are right--no one can really can understand what they are going through. Illness is a unique and lonely experience. That said, there are a lot of ways to connect with people who understand more than they may expect; they just have to find them. There are lots of ways online to connect when you can't drive to a support group. Our social network is Rest Ministries Sunroom and I recently began Illness Twitters to connect people who Twitter about illness or health issues.

And lastly, since my faith is in the Lord, I couldn't let them walk away without sharing how knowing God has a plan for my life, despite my illness, has kept me going. I would want to tell them that despite any bad experiences they may have had at churches or with other Christians, God still has a "Plan A" for their life. The illness hasn't bumped them down to
"Plan B." That all may sounds cliche. I know that. But every day I hear people who say their faith in God is the only thing that gets them through it.

Sheila: You have a book out that gives people ideas about how to help a chronically ill friend, don't you?
LC: Yes, its called "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend." It's a helpful book that I refer to for ideas, even though I wrote it, because when someone I care about is hurting it is hard to think beyond bringing them food. We also have cute little JOY cards that stand for "Just Offering You..." that look like a gift certificate. A person can fill it out with what he or she is able to do like running an errand or doing laundry.

Sheila: That's a terrific idea! I would imagine that it would be easier to accept help from someone if it looked like a gift certificate.
LC: I think so. The cards are great for a support group, a womens ministry, or really anyone who wants a light-hearted way of saying, "I'd love to help. Here is what I am able to do."

Sheila: As a person who suffers from an invisible illness, what is the best way to react when people around me comment that I look fine, (therefore, in their mind I must be faking my illness)?
LC: That is a hot topic isn’t it? We have a few posts on our web page where people have addressed this question too. I think that it depends on your relationship with the person. Is this someone close to you who you feel comfortable being a bit vulnerable? If so, consider sharing, “I know it may sound silly, but for some reason when you say that, even though I know you mean it as a compliment, it FEELS like no one understands the actual pain I am in. Rather than saying that, if you said [fill in the blank] I would feel a sense of relief that you are one of the few people who actually ‘get it.’
If it’s someone who is an acquaintance, it’s not really necessary to explain. Or if you want to, though it’s natural to want to throw out a sarcastic remark, I think the gentler we are in our response, the more likely people will try to understand. Even though you may not be close to the person, she may have a relative who is very ill. Your response may open her eyes to what her loved one is going through. So laugh with your ill friends about what you could say, but offer grace when it comes to the words you actually do say.

Sheila: What is your best tip to keep yourself going when you hit bottom?
LC: My quick response would be “how deep is the bottom?” because there are bad days and then there is BOTTOM. On a bad day it’s good to pamper yourself a bit. If I can I love to go see a movie that will make me sob all by myself and splurge on popcorn. My son and husband recently went to visit his family and because of my health I really couldn’t travel. But the morning they left I went and saw “My Sister’s Keeper.” Very emotional movie, but it was just the “fix” I needed.

It’s also helpful to call a friend. Just go for it and call some people who you know would make you feel better and ask them to stop and get you your favorite snack and come over for an hour. It’s okay to ask for help (I am learning this… I still struggle with it too.)

Since my faith in Christ is my foundation, I also will blast some worship music. I love “Mary, Mary” or CeCe Winans or Mandisa--something with some soul! I also will turn to the Psalms and for some reason, I’m always surprised each time just how God seems to have written certain scriptures just for me at that moment.

Then there are those very dark moments. Those are the “get in the shower and sob” till no tears are left moments. Recognizing the difference and knowing it is time to talk to a pastor, counselor, doctor, etc. are essential. Don’t ever be ashamed or embarrassed when you have to ask for help or counsel.

Sheila: Have you ever had a near death experience?
LC: No, thankfully not. Although they can also be life-altering when you do. One of the best books on this that I’ve read that is very comforting is Don Piper’s “90 Minutes in Heaven.” If someone you love has passed away, the first chapter in this book can be very comforting. And then read the rest of the book to be encouraged. Don was in a car accident and continues to live with severe daily chronic pain but has gone on to have quite an amazing ministry reaching out to people and sharing his experiences.


Sheila: Thank you again so much for joining us today, Lisa. And thank you for starting National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. I know that you have your own health struggles and that you are also a wife and mother, so I know by experience it can't be easy to do it all.
LC: Its not, and yet it keeps me going too. And I have a wonderfully supportive spouse. Thanks for hosting me at your blog today. I hope everyone will visit us at National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and let your friends know about our free virtual conference! We're going to have a fun time!

One of my favorite scriptures I hope encourages you is “My comfort in my suffering is this: [God’s] promise preserves my life.” Psalm 119:50

Lisa Copen
Rest Ministries, Director

What is Lisa up to?

Connect with us & our causes as we
prepare for National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week
in September!
IF LINKS DON'T WORK WHEN YOU CLICK ON THEM, COPY AND PASTE THEM TO YOUR BROWSER.

· · Twitter: http://twitter.com/lisajcopen

· · Facebook http://www.lisaonfacebook.com/

· · Invisible Illness Week Facebook Cause
http://www.invisibleillnessonfacebook.com/

· · Other Social Networks:
http://tinyurl.com/d28l9w
………………………………………………………….

OUR WEB SITES:

REST MINISTRIES MAIN WEB SITE
http://www.restministries.org/

MY BLOG:
http://www.chronicillnesssupport.com/

HopeNotes (our newsletter)
http://www.restministries.org/hopenotes/mostrecent.htm

REST MINISTRIES STORE, THE COMFORT ZONE

Help keep our ministry going!

http://www.comfortzonebooks.com/

INVISIBLE ILLNESS WEEK

http://www.invisibleillness.com/
Blog: http://www.invisibleillnessblog.com/

REST MINISTRIES SUNROOM (Our Social Network)
http://www.restministriessunroom.com/

HOPEKEEPERS MAGAZINE (Digital)
http://www.hopekeepersmagazine.com/

__________________________________

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Rest Ministries, Inc.

http://www.restministries.org/

==> see our new promotional video at:

http://www.restministries.org/admin-video.htm


PO Box 502928, San Diego, CA 92150
Toll-free 888-751-7378
FAX 800-933-1078

___________________________________

Posted by Bluebirdy at 14:52 1 comments  

Labels: chronic illness, faith, invisible illness, Lisa Copen, overcoming trials, pain

Find all sorts of goodies with this slogan and the bottom of the blog at www.butyoudontlooksick.com

What's the saying? No rest for the wicked, or no rest for the weary? I must be both. lol.

Crazy 2 months-unbelievable amount of legal work I had to do, then HUGE work project for US government, then Mom in E.R. with flu/pneumonia, then I got flu, then pneumonia/bronchitis/asthma, then my computer died, losing 10 years of every precious picture and bit of information on it, then second computer breaks, then I develop some problem that feels exactly like I am in labor, end up in the hospital, I get abused, and my mother gets bullied and pulled out of my room by security guards because she told my abusive male nurse that I was in too much pain to change myself, so could he please get a woman nurse if he is not willing to help.

I know already which friends I will be making angry by saying that I am exhausted and a bit discouraged, but sorry if I offend those of you, because what I am going through is VERY tough at the moment. IT WILL get better, but unbearable pain+exhaustion+abuse when I seek help, affects your strength and attitude. Everything is NOT so positive right now. I WANT TO BE UP AND ACCOMPLISHING THINGS AND GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS!

This section was written on December 7, just so you can keep track of what has happened in what order in this series of events.

The mystery of the disappearing decade.

I have lost track of time. It has been week after week of one serious occurrence after another. I apologize for the length of this blog. I have shortened it many times, but it's the only way to explain my MUCH TOO ADVENTUROUS last month or two.

It seems as if a few overwhelming events happened before I took Mom to the hospital for the flu a few weeks ago, but I can't remember all of them. I know the Internet service man came to replace my modem and cable wiring for my Internet. A couple of days later, Mom got pneumonia or bronchitis and I got the flu. Then Mom's health cleared up and I got pneumonia/bronchitis and asthma. I was planning on getting a computer repairman to come to the house for about a month because of computer problems, but there were many delays. A complicated project of proofreading I had to do for US gov't, and then me getting sick so I didn't want to pass my illness on to the repairman, so I delayed calling, until my computer had a meltdown.

Well about a week ago, (maybe more, I have lost sense of time), my computer died. It would not even turn on. My brother was good enough to take it into a shop to have it fixed. I had a note on the side of the computer telling the problems I had been having with it, along with a note that said DON'T ERASE ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! I HAVE IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS ON HERE, AND ALL MY EMAIL ADDRESSES FROM THE PAST 10 YEARS ON THE DISK IN THE CD ROM. I had 10 years of important information on this computer, and I had saved the most critical information on a disk, which was still in the computer, but the power could not be turned on to get the disk out. The tech took apart the machine and found that the motherboard had burned out, due to the fan breaking. (The fan cools down the parts inside.)

Something had also happened to the hard drive as well, so I LOST ALL INFORMATION! The Tech couldn't get the disk out for days, so I just went into mourning, thinking of all that I had lost.

If any of you have my email address, will you please write to me to I can add you to my address book? Also if you have any old emails from me with email addresses of my friends on them, could you send me those? Unless people write to me, I have lost them all! A few might write to see if I am still alive or not, but I feel like everything I've done from bed on this computer for the past 10 years has just been lost. All my work, friends, writing, all my pictures of my grandchildren, 2 of which I have not even met yet, collections of encouraging inspirational forwards, all my writing, all my journal entries, books that I had saved information about and started to write... all that I have learned from the hardships that I have experiences, encouraging emails from dear friends that I read again and again, all the legal work that was recently sent to the courthouse to get my husband home due to hardship...all gone! I thought one of the reasons I was still on this earth was to write these books. Now everything I saved for them, every thought I had about them is GONE! So I even felt like my life's purpose was lost.

It's good that this happened AFTER I sent the info to the court, but this lawyer loses half of my information over and over, so if she loses it again, I don't have extras to send to her. I think that I am losing hope of being with my husband. Too many things have gone wrong for 5 years of trying to get him here. Not only do we have to get him out of the war zone, as a civilian instead of a military man (but he is working for UK and USA gov't in translations), but also he has to immigrate. One of the things needed for me to sponsor him is that I must be able to take care of him for 10 years in case he can't get a job or in case he gets in an accident or gets sick, and the legal system's stress has made my lupus so severe that I can no longer even care for myself, much less care for someone else. My husband is angry about that, because he WANTS to be here to help care for my family, who are so alone we don't even have a friend or neighbor to help us shovel a sidewalk or take us to the hospital. He wants to care for us. I think I won't be with my husband until after we are resurrected. I have days that I am very hopeful about us, but right now I am losing hope about us. Maybe because I was/am too overwhelmed to think with strength and positivism.

I am so tempted to go back to saving everything possible with pen and paper again, like before I got the computer 10 years ago, and anything electronic that MUST be saved, I will be saving to a removable USB memory stick that has more memory than my whole computer. I will use the computer for keeping in touch with others, and research, and for my writing, and proofreading job, but not for storing information.

Thank the Lord that we had a spare computer in the house that we just paid $150 to get repaired a few days before, so I started to hook it up to the Internet, but got to a certain point where I had to call my ISP (Internet service provider) to get codes and numbers, so I called them, and the technician on the phone started arguing with me, telling me it was impossible for me to have 3 computers in my house that all were connected to the Internet. I asked if I could please talk to someone else because I really don't want to fight, I just want my email working again. He said "OK let's try something else here." He led me from one place to another in my computer, and then told me to delete my drivers! I don't know much about computers, but I know the drivers are what make things work, like the monitor, sound, and everything else. I said, "Erase the drivers? Then how will I run my computer?" He said he wanted to see if those drivers were the reason for not being able to get onto the Internet, then he would help me re-install the drivers from my original disks in a minute. So I did what he said, then he told me to call the shop that the computer had just gone to a few days ago to see if they were able to get it onto the Internet, then call him back. I called the shop; they said they COULD get online. I called back the ISP, and that same technician refused to talk to me! I asked to speak to a supervisor, and told him that one of his employees just told me to delete all my drivers, and that it would cost about $150 to get the computer fixed, and I already had one computer in the shop, and is there any help he could offer me, since it was that employee's fault? He acknowledged that it was the company's fault, and said he would send a computer tech to the house in the morning to re-install everything that was lost. I really appreciated him doing that. So now I had 2 computers break down in 2 days, and was still a bit sick. I was so nerve-worn and physically worn out, and afraid that I would lose most of my friends.

What a blessing I have this blog!! All that is stored online on this blog is safe, and all of my dear friend that I have made through this blog can still find me. If not for this blog, I would have felt like my life just disappeared into thin air.

After a few days of taking the first computer apart, the computer shop got the CD with my info out of the computer, and I got it back, but something happened to that also, so when I tried to transfer the information back onto the spare computer, it tells me "transfer error", so I can't even retrieve the address book and other important business information and pictures from the disk! It will take months to replace every program and retrievable information back onto my computer. This computer has less memory, so I will have to use the memory on the computer for the programs, and save anything else on an external hard drive.

I know that there is a reason for everything, but I am eager to know the reason for this. I know things just happen, but to not even be able to get my information off of the disk I saved it to, that's just strange. Too strange to make sense.

I went into mourning for about 24 hours. The more things I realized that I lost, the harder I would cry. I got myself so upset that I started thinking about not only the things I lost on the computer, but that I had lost my first husband, all of their family that I loved like blood relatives, I lost my children when I had to leave the USA in a hurry, I lost my grandchildren because I have been too sick to get back to meet them, I lost my Dad, one brother is estranged, one sister told me she would never travel with me again to help me go see my daughters because she is scared of my diabetes. She did take me to see one daughter 8 years ago; I got to see both girls for 3 hours and to the younger daughter's wedding. Now she tells me she is going to visit my daughter and go to her Mrs. Idaho pageant that she will not go with me. I need help traveling, so I won't be seeing my daughter in the pageant. So I feel like have lost my sister. I feel like I have lost everything except my Mother. I am so very grateful for living in a peaceful country with no pollution, and for my overflowing basket of blessings, and for having food and shelter, but feel like I've lost everything else. I guess the saying "If you have your health, you have everything" is true, and the converse is true. If you are too sick to even care for yourself, you don't have much of a life.

Through the mess of trying to fix these 2 computers to get back online, my brother who lives locally completely flew off the handle and said some emotionally destroying things, so I thought I had lost him too, and God has some unknown reason for keeping my new husband and I apart, so I was mourning for everyone I had lost. There will be friends who will think I am dead, or think I am just ignoring them, and I hope some will write to me so I can explain what happened, and get their email addresses again.

Another blessing happened though. After my brother's heartbreaking outburst, the next day he brought me a cute toy white monkey holding a red heart pillow with "I love you" on it, as an apology, so I gave him a big hug and was so happy that he apologized and made up with me. With his mental illness, he's very much a "scrooge" (incurable negative grouch) and so I didn't expect him to ever get over his anger. Because of lots of prayer, and a soft hard under a hard exterior, he did. He felt sad for making me upset.

It took 5 repairmen to get me back online, working on 2 computers. It's also a blessing that we had a spare computer so I didn't have to wait to buy a new one. After the ISP technician left, my brother decided he would help by taking the RAM (memory card) from my first broken computer and put it into this second computer. He opened it up, put in the ram, then when he closed it up, a part from the back of the computer fell out, and I was no longer able to get online again! This made it the 4th time that things were done to cause the computer to not be able to get online! I didn't plan on telling him about the problem, because his first abusive outburst to me happened when I was telling him that he didn't have to worry about fixing my computer, because that a technician was being sent over to do it for free, and he yelled and screamed that he had to do it himself, and that's his curse in life and it never ends and on and on, and I told him I was trying to make this easier for him, and he told me he was trying to make things easier for me, and we fought about it. So there is no way that I could tell him that he broke my computer again, or there was no telling what he would do in his mental illness-scrooge-state of mind. I didn't know whom I would get to help me this time. I don't have the strength to carry the computer to a shop to fix it and I felt too sick to get a technician to come sit in my bedroom while I was sick in bed, so I just thought I would do without for a week or so. A couple of days later, my brother came over and asked why I was not on the commuter, because usually the computer is on 24/7. I just told him I was in too much pain right now, but he said "That never stopped you before, isn't it working?" I said, "I'm not sure, when I feel better I will test it and see." He came over and saw the part in the back of the computer that had fallen out, swore, tore all the wires off, walked out of the room with the computer, yelling about this being his curse in life and he wishes he could never see another computer as long as he lives and why is God doing this to him etc. etc. and he fixed it in just a couple of minutes, and brought it back in, turned it on, and it got online! I told him thanks a million and I really appreciate all that he has done but to please turn it off because I can't even bear the light or sound right now. So after a few hours when the pain eased up, I was happily, finally online again!

I was surprised that I cried so hard when I lost all of this info, and I really worked myself into a bad emotional place. I just had too much stress all at once and not enough energy to deal with it all. I am still trying to recover from the pneumonia/ bronchitis/ asthma, which has caused other complications with diabetes and lupus, then I had 4 MAJOR confrontations while trying to get my computer back online, 2 with family and 2 with the Internet company. I was sensitive due to the anniversaries of Dad's death, of my parents marriage, my first marriage, my new marriage, (all within days) and started wondering why God wanted me so very isolated and alone despite how sick I am, and how much help I needed. I started thinking of how Mom is the only human being I talk face to face with and can hug, and what will I do when she dies? I'm so glad we are so close and love each other so much. I started feeling so useless and hopeless and I hope someday to understand why God wants me to be so very alone (physically) through all of these trials. I know that was just Satan working on me when I was already down, and it passed soon. Our Redeemer IS there to comfort us, and He does, whenever we ask. He helped me remember many comforting scriptures, which calmed me down, such as "Worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring troubles of its own." And "He will supply all your needs" and "I will never leave nor forsake you" and many more. He is more powerful than Satan, and can send Satan away. I am blessed to have the emotional support of my Internet friends, and it helps A LOT, but no one can get through life alone. We all need the help of other people physically, and I hope the Lord will soon help in that area. I was ashamed of my "falling apart", but I guess everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes.

It does feel like I lost my mind, because everything that is in my mind was in that computer. My daily chores, weekly, monthly, my budget, the bills I have to pay, gift lists for all year long for birthdays and Christmas, grocery list, and due to my bad memory from illness, I have to write down everything. If I don't write down to brush my teeth, even that sometimes doesn't get done.

I have no right to complain, really. All of these problems are nothing compared to the torment of war that my husband is living every day, and the hardships of most people in these last days. I was ashamed of my negative feelings, but those are only human. Well I am thankful to be online so soon. It could have been worse. My sister is traveling here tomorrow in bad weather, so I am praying for her safety. She says she will help me get my Christmas boxes to the post office. I should go get her family's gifts wrapped and do some decorating before she gets here. It feels good to be in touch with you again. To you, it was just a couple of days since you heard from me, but to me, it felt like a traumatic month or so.
Blessings, All!
Bluebirdy

Written Dec 10/08
THE GIFTS THAT SCARED PEOPLE TO DEATH
This is just the latest of my husband's experiences there in the middle of the town that the Taliban are attacking. Yesterday is EID, which is the Muslim equivalent of Christmas. They have Eid in the Himalayan Mtns where my hubby is. It is the day that Abraham took his son to a mountain to offer him as a sacrifice, and then God stopped him before he actually did it. The Muslims slaughter an animal such as a goat or cow, and have a feast with the meat and exchange gifts. The houses in the area where my husband is, is like the times of Jesus. Each house is built in a square, with the rooms along the outside walls, then an empty courtyard in the center. There is a door from each of the rooms to the center courtyard, and there are steps up to the roof of the house. If anyone remembers the story in the Bible of the house where Jesus went to preach, and there was a very sick man laying on a stretcher, and he was lowered from the roof into the house where Jesus was preaching, well I could not picture how a person could be lowered into a house from the roof until I saw pictures of these houses with the courtyard.

Anyway, in the morning, they heard a huge helicopter, called a war-ship, getting closer and closer. It has 2 ends so it can fly backwards or frontwards, and they can shoot from the helicopter from both ends. It was getting so low and so loud it was scaring people, so everyone on the street where the houses are where my husband is, came out of their house into their courtyard. It was so close, they thought the people in the plane were going to start shooting into the houses or land on one of the roofs or something. The young wife next door to my husband fainted, and the heart specialist in the house on the other side of my husband's also passed out. They threw something out of the warship, and an elderly lady yelled, "IT'S A GRENADE! RUN!" She ran. When my husband looked closer, it was flat folded up cloth in plastic. They had thrown out about 5 in the courtyard of each house. They were shawls, (head coverings/hijabs), pretty ones, as EID gifts!

My husband has medical experience, and a few seconds later someone was at the door asking him to come next door to check the heart specialist who had passed out because he was not waking up. My husband went there, check the heartbeat etc. and his heart rate was dangerously slow, so he got the sons of the house to get the father to the hospital immediately. Then he called me to tell me what had just happened, and while we talked, another phone rang, and when he answered it, he was told that his neighbor had just passed away.

I want my husband to write a story to the newspaper, using an anonymous name if necessary to protect his safety, to tell what happened and to tell whoever gave those gifts that it was not such a good idea, and he wonders how many other people fainted or had heart attacks from that "gift giving" excursion.

About every 3 days now he has a very close encounter with death, even though he is working there as a civilian translator, not a soldier in combat. Last week there was a Taliban yelling at a woman who only had a shawl on her head instead of wearing a bursa that covers you from head to toe. My husband risked his life and went to the Taliban man and said "excuse me, but if you will have mercy on her, I am sure she will not make the same mistake again. Will you let her go just this once?" The Taliban man asked the woman if she will wear a burqa next time and she said yes. Then the Taliban guy told my husband "You know, if you grow a full beard it would be much better for you." He said this because this month, laws were made that women must wear burqas head to toe and women must not work in public anymore unless it is in medical care, and men wearing no beard can be imprisoned for 60 days, and partial beard can be imprisoned for 30 days. My husband has a baby face. He can only grow a partial beard, so he could have been taken prisoner right then, but my husband said "I am really trying, sir. My beard has never been very heavy. I know I should have a beard, and that woman knows she should have a burqa, but these rules are very new to us." The Taliban said "Would you like to sit and have tea with me?" My husband said "No thankyou, I need to get my marketing done, but thank you for being so kind." So now my husband hopes that one man stays guard on that corner, because he has made friends with him and will be safe as he goes to and from market with only part of a beard. Another Taliban man might not be so merciful. It's so sad. This valley is called SWAT; it is halfway between Afghanistan and China on the Kashmir border. It is the "Shangri-la" of the oriental traditional stories, a heavenly valley now overtaken by the Taliban because they want it for their own headquarters. A heavenly, peaceful mountain valley, away from civilization, has now been turned into a valley of torment and war. I have almost given up hope that my husband and I will ever be together until the resurrection. We are really stuck in a touch situation. We love each other too much to split up and be with anyone else, and there's no way we could stop thinking about each other, yet we can't be together either. Star-crossed lovers, maybe?

Written Dec. 13
Just moments after my sister left from her visit, I ended up on the floor, writhing in pain, in more pain than I knew a human being could endure. I was taken to the hospital, and abused so badly, and even my mother was abused so badly when she came to be with me, that I had to write a letter to the hospital administration, and if I don't get any action from them, I will take the case to the newspapers and to the higher medical boards in the province. I have HAD IT with this medical abuse when I am too sick to even defend myself! I was literally SCREAMING in pain and couldn't control it, and could not move on my own or think, and could talk only between screams and breaths, 1 word at a time...and when I needed help the most, I was insulted, neglected and my mother was taken out of the E.R. by security guards! Rather than try to write the whole incident again, I am going to post here the letter I wrote to the Hospital Administration. If this abusive male nurse dies not get disciplined from administration, I will take the case higher. I have changed some of the words for this blog, in case some of you are sensitive to terms of human functions. I made it more technical for the hospital administrator.

Dear Administrator;
I had an experience in the E.R. that I need to let you know about. I am upset enough that I am considering going to the newspaper and perhaps some higher authorities unless you can help me discipline the male nurse that was responsible.
On Thursday, Dec. 11, it was the second day that when I had to use the washroom, my whole torso would create one huge muscle spasm/contraction, like it felt when my body was being squeezed while giving birth. I had no clue what could cause that, but it would last for at least half an hour. It was just as intense as giving birth. I have had kidney stones, lupus nephritis kidney attacks, and other severe pain that I live with regularly, but NOTHING compared to this. I wondered if I was giving birth to a kidney or something! Friday afternoon, it was not going away as it had each time previously, and whatever was happening to me was squeezing me so hard that I fell to the floor and it was squeezing air out of me and through my throat, making me scream, and I couldn't control it. By then the pain had localized to right high kidney area and radiated down to my bladder area, and it was worse than any pain I had ever experienced.
I live with my mother, and in between these spasms and breaths, I yelled for her to call 911. The paramedics got here, but my house is built in a way that there's no way to get the gurney/stretcher into the house, so they lifted me up from under my armpits and were pretty much carrying me out, helping scoot my feet ahead at the same time.
When I got to the hospital and they helped me roll onto the hospital bed, I was still yelling and so terribly embarrassed about it! I have to deal with a lot of pain DAILY, with lupus and trigeminal neuralgia and fibromyalgia, but I have been very strong and silent about it. I avoid the E.R. until I think I might die, because in my experience of living in Lethbridge 11 years, I have found that if you go to the E.R. alone, you are insulted, abused, neglected, under-treated, but as soon as you take someone with you to be a "witness" or advocate, the things that the staff would say to me WITHOUT a witness/advocate, just don't happen.
I think I passed out from the pain once I got on the bed, and was awakened by a male nurse saying "Sheila, take off your shirt and put on this gown." He THREW the gown at me. I said in between breaths/spasms..."I can't move." He said, "The paramedics told me you got up and walked to the ambulance yourself, so don't give me that, and your screaming is completely unnecessary and you can stop that right now."
If I would have had a pillow, I would have put it over my face to muffle my screaming. He said "Well I am NOT going to change you, and you won't be seen by a Dr. until you change your clothes, so get to it." I tried for about half an hour, and he came back and asked what was my problem, why wasn't I changed, and I said I needed help. At that moment my Mother walked in. She is pretty much bedridden. She only came out of the house to be with me at the hospital. She heard the male nurse say, "You won't be seen until you change your clothes so you might was well get at it." Mom said, "She can't move! She needs help. She's been screaming in pain! If you don't want to help her, why don't you get a female nurse to help change her?" He pointed his finger in my Mom's face and said, "YOU sit DOWN! You are making her THINK she can't do it! She walked to the ambulance! She can change her clothes!" Mom started to describe that I did not walk alone, and the male nurse left and got the security guards, and told Mom to leave. Mom said, "I don't want to! She needs someone with her!" The male nurse said, "Are you going to leave alone or do these security guards carry you out?" Mom said, "I have a right to stay with my daughter!" So the male nurse had the security guards grab my 75-year-old frail mother who has multiple SERIOUS illnesses and haul her away. I didn't know if she might have a stroke or heart attack from that treatment, I didn't know if she was going to jail or going to be locked into a room or be sent out to her car or what was going on, and that made the pain even worse, so I was trying to cover my mouth with my hands to make the screaming and crying stop. I didn't know there WAS pain like this. I was thinking I was going to give birth to a kidney or that something inside me had torn apart or something. Now I was so afraid for my frail Mother, and also very afraid for myself because now I had no advocate, and this cruel nurse could pretty much treat me however he wanted, and it looked like he was going to make me suffer a lot during the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life!! I was SCARED, and now shaking, moaning, crying, and pushing like I was in labor, and pushing on my kidney with my fist as hard as possible because it seemed to help.
A female nurse came in and asked me to explain what I was feeling. In between these contractions or "squeezing attacks", I said "Like pushing out a baby, plus burning kidney pain, going from back to front." She left, and cam back with the male nurse, who said "If we raise you up, can you help us take off your shirt?" I nodded "yes". They raised me up, pulled off my shirt and put on the gown. Then the male nurse said, "See? You could have done that!" I said "No, way." Then he started trying to get an IV into me. He tried 10 times I think, from the marks on my arms, hands and even fingers, and he said "Has anyone ever told you that you need to lose weight?" This man was as fat as I was, but I didn't dare tell him he also needed to lose weight; or for sure he would have tortured me, so I said "It's tough when you have my diseases to lose weight." He said, "Well you're too big to find a vein!" Through my pushing--I said "Did anyone tell you that you need to learn some compassion, and people couldn't find my veins even when I was thin!" I'm not sure if there was 1 male nurse, or 2 that alternated coming in, because I couldn't see clearly due to the tears. I am just grateful for the female nurse that knows that when you are pushing out a baby, you can't move or think or do anything but push and moan.
They got some pain medicine into me, then helped me get to the bathroom for a specimen, and while in there, the attack started again, so I took paper towels to cover my mouth as I screamed because it echoed so much. After half an hour in there, a female nurse knocked on the door to see if I was ok, I said no. She opened the door, and said "why?" I couldn't even talk. I was doing the Lamaze breathing technique used when I had my children. She asked if I needed help to stand up. I nodded my head yes, so he helped me up and pulled up my pants and helped me back to bed.
When the urinalysis came back, Dr. Barsky came to tell me that I had a "little" infection and that he was going to start an antibiotic IV drip. I asked how a "little" infection could hurt more than any kidney stone or lupus nephritis attack I ever had, or even more than another painful condition I have, trigeminal neuralgia, which is also called the suicide disease due to its severity, the Dr. walked away. When the nurse returned with the antibiotic, I asked her the same question. She explained that if your kidneys have any damage, kidney pain can be worse, and maybe it was not a "little" bit of infection, maybe it was more severe than that.
I have also got arrhythmia, and I have had instances where my trigeminal neuralgia pain has made my heart stop. That day I was wishing it would make my heart stop again. I just wanted to die if I would not be getting any help until I could change my own clothes, because I could NOT change my clothes, so I would be there forever in that pain.
I have stayed at home through very serious pain, too serious for me to even get out the door to the ambulance, so I just stayed in bed and fought through the pain myself. Some days I thought my heart would stop and had chest and arm pain, but I knew I had no one to go with me to be my advocate, so I was actually safer to stay at home than to go to the hospital when I was too sick to defend myself.
I don't know what that male nurse was thinking, but I don't EVER want that to happen to another person again! I would appreciate if you would locate the male nurse that was assigned to me. I think his name was Brent or Bruce, and I would appreciate knowing SOON if any action has been taken in regards to him. If I don't hear from you within about 10 days of when you should have gotten this letter, I will be going to higher sources.
There are signs all over the E.R. saying, "This is a harassment/abuse free zone." For the first 3 E.R. appointments our family had after those signs went up, they were the best E.R. visits we had EVER had, so we thought something at the hospital had changed. Maybe the staff had been retrained and rules had been changed, but now I don't know if anything has changed.
My mother and I are seriously ill. I inherited her lupus, which affects all different organs at different times. We are seemingly punished for needing medical care. We bear a LOT of pain at home, and don't come to the hospital until we absolutely can't bear it and we think the incident might kill us, and then it seems we are treated badly as if to discourage us from coming back again.
Medical abuse causes a lot of problems, just as if a husband that she can't divorce is abusing a woman repeatedly. We cannot divorce our illness. We will continue to need emergency care. We try to avoid it, but there are times that we can't, and then the experience is a nightmare because we fear what kind of abuse/neglect we will face when we can barest even speak to remember the questions they ask us or defend ourselves. I can see why some people commit suicide or let themselves die by staying home---when they are faced with the fear of abuse again and again when seeking help. It gets to the point where you cannot face the abuse, combined with the medical crisis, one more time. We have nightmares again and again about being tortured when we need help in the E.R. We can't move away from Lethbridge. I think we show amazing courage to even come back to the E.R. when we KNOW we will be insulted and abused along with what else we are dealing with, but I beg of you to help this abuse stop, by taking one step against one male nurse that had no right to say or do what he did to me and my mother.
I kindly ask you for compassion and assistance in this matter, as life is getting increasingly hard to survive when we are being "punished" for having health problems.
Kind regards and with appreciation,
(my name here)

So how am I now? I continue to have these attacks every few hours that feel as if I am giving birth. I could have pushed out 25 babies by now if I had one baby with each attack. I would have rather done that than to get nothing out of it, because then I could give each child to someone who desperately wants a child. Today is Sunday so I can't get any clinic to help, but I called a nurse hotline that helps with medical questions, and that nurse thinks both my kidney and bowel that is touching my kidney could be infected. I REFUSE to go back to the hospital, so I hold a towel over my mouth as I scream through the attacks. Tomorrow I will call my Dr. and tell her what has been happening and ask if I can be treated at home rather than go back to be neglected and abused at the hospital. I am exhausted after what seems like going through labor every 2 hours. I am discouraged because of the pain and exhaustion. This too shall pass, but at this moment, it doesn't feel like it will pass. With this much pain, there is no "living". I am not eating at all, so because of my diabetes, my Dr. will have to get me treatment tomorrow, either at home or admit me to the hospital. Lupus is such a crazy insane disease! It attacks different parts of the body each day, and I didn't even have a fever with this, because lupus was so busy attacking my body that it did not fight the infection, so the infection continued to grow out of control. I'm sure I wore you all out...but I have no one on earth to talk to about this DRAMATIC life...so I blog it. I need your prayers that these attacks will stop. They are inhuman...TORTURE! Then to get abused when I seek help...I almost want to give up.
Bless you my dear patient friends!
Bluebirdy

Blessings:

1) The Lord helped me get my dozens of Christmas gifts wrapped and in the mail on time!

2) Mom did not suffer any ill effects physically or emotionally from the security guards

3) I am back online because we had a spare computer.

4) The Lord is with me, comforting me. HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT THE LORD IN THEIR LIFE???

Posted by Bluebirdy at 21:02 3 comments  

Labels: brother, chronic illness, computers, doctor abuse, faith, God's help, government, lonliness, lupus, medical abuse, Mom, painfog, prayer, self advocacy

It's hard to think of myself as being rendered speechless, but I was. I had something I wanted to share, but after such wonderful things were said about me in that review and in the many comments after the review, I wondered if I dared post what was happening now, in case it might change everyone's view of me...but I started this blog planning to show the good and the bad in my life, so that when I am healed, people will know it was real, so I guess I'd better open up and be honest.

Mel very generously overestimated me. I am not the wise (spiritually) person that I think he sees me as. I get lost and frustrated and confused just like everyone else. Now is one of these times.

When I felt so changed with that nutritional supplement, (d-ribose), I thought God had given me a miracle, a healing. I accepted completely that I was healed, and I had gotten a miracle. I thanked Him so many times a day, and after a cautious waiting period to make sure it was not temporary, I got the courage to share my miracle with others, and they also praised God for it, for my healing and for the hope that they might get a miracle too. I hope they do, but people with lupus or other severe auto-immune disease might have a bad reaction. I say might, because maybe mine is an isolated case. I don't know.

I thought my loving Heavenly Father had finally rewarded me, like He rewarded Job after Job losing everything and suffering so much. I thought I was going to get the chance to be functional again, and feel alive and experience joy again, but it didn't last long. I am thankful for the memory of how life felt during that time, though.

I had to stop taking the D-ribose. It appears that it is so good for you, that it even strengthens your immune system. Well for a person with lupus, that can be fatal, because already our immune system is too strong, and the fighter cells attack our bodies and organs as if they are germs or foreign objects in our body. We can't even spend time in the sun, because the sun also strengthens your immune system, making lupus worse. I got so sick that for a few days I wasn't able to roll over in bed to reply to my emails, but I could read them, and was too weak to talk, or to hold up a book to read. I had a seizure, and another time, I think I got very close to death again, because I saw some of the things that I have seen during other near death experiences. I saw some wonderful things, but things that I have no words for, so I don't know how to explain it to people. I am still spending a lot of time thinking about those images and
trying to think of how to describe them.

There is a medicine used for lupus, (cortisone) and it's very strong and has such terrible side affects that I always said I would rather die of lupus than die of the side affects of that medicine. I have only been desperate enough to try it about 3 times in my life. I prayed for guidance about how to get feeling better. Obviously it's not my time to die, and I could not just lay there helpless forever. The impression I got was to take that medicine. I didn't want to do it. I called Mom upstairs and asked her advice. She has that medicine because she also has lupus. It suppresses the immune system so the fighter cells in your blood stop attacking you, and helps with any swelling or inflammation in the body. I spent days passing out and trying to do this US gov't proofreading project during the moments I was awake. I had pancreatitis, inflammation of the pancreas, and it has many nasty symptoms. The worst was that I kept passing out from my blood sugar going too high or too low because my pancreas was out of control. Mom said that the side affects of that medicine only come with large doses and long term use, but when I talked to my Dr. , she talked about large doses like 10 pills a day, or even put me in the hospital with cortisone IV, but said she didn't trust this hospital much, we are not even checked on often enough during the day while in this hospital. I didn't want the side affects from doing that, so I took a few pills and cut them into 4, and during the day would take one tiny piece of the pill, with a bite of food so I wouldn't get sicker. This is the third day of doing that, and finally many symptoms have lessened, I feel strong enough to type again, but not strong enough to get in the shower yet. So I am thankful now for this strong medicine with horrible side affects, in small doses, BUT...


I am wondering

I accepted that healing! I thanked the Lord SO many times a day for it. I told others about my healing and my miracle and they also praised the Lord about it! I was convinced I had been given another chance at life, to have enough strength to enjoy life or to function a bit more than I do.


I know I will learn in time the reason why God took my healing away....but until I learn that, my feelings are hurt like a child whose parents did something that hurt the child, but was for the child's own good. I feel a bit betrayed and confused by the one who I love the most...my Heavenly Father.


I am so frustrated, I use my made-up word "FRUSTIPATED!!"---beyond frustration! So frustrated, that I am not able to accomplish anything else until this problem clears itself up. I have so much that needs doing urgently, and can't even find anyone to hire to help. I can't have anyone come live with me when I am in this condition, so I get upset thinking about my husband coming home. I can't bear the thought of making life hard or even miserable for him.


Interesting that the worst of my illness happened the day that I finished all the legal paperwork to go to court to get my husband here, 5 years of work, 1800 pages done in the last 5 days of work.

OH MY STARS!! I just noticed something!! I have had this picture as stationary for years, but the stationary had this as small pictures down the left side of the paper. I thought of putting it here because it reminds me of how I feel, looking out the window, trying to figure out "WHY??" Now I see this picture in a whole new light. I have never seen the wolf outside the window. Did you know "lupus" means WOLF? She is not looking out the window, she is turned away from the wolf, from the lupus. The dove in the corner, the symbol of the Holy Spirit, is watching over the lady! The wolf is standing in water, and that water is flowing into the window, and the woman's feet are in the water, so the effects of the wolf (the lupus) is affecting the woman. The light above the woman's head, I wonder what it's symbolism is. Light...spirit? knowledge? God? Any ideas from you, my friends? What do you think that light could symbolize in the picture and in how it could relate to me and the wolf (lupus) and my sitting by the window thinking? Any other symbols you would comment on? The moon, the fact the lady is wearing all white? The water? Whatever it is in the lower 1/4 left side of the picture? Maybe your insight will give me some insight.


Love you all---u r pieces of my life and heart.

Oh, I need to add:
This is Remembrance Day here:
The day we remember and honor our veterans
the day WWII ended
11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.
Out of respect for all of our veterans form everywhere:

Support Our Troops

Posted by Bluebirdy at 13:18 9 comments  

Labels: d-ribose, death, faith, government, healing, lupus, NDEs

Posted by Bluebirdy at 12:38 2 comments  

Labels: blonde, brother, dying, faith, fear of dying, God's help, prayer

Hello all!
THANKYOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!
~WE GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!! We went to the hospital and instead of admitting Mom, they sent her to the outpatient clinic first, where they kept us for 7 hours, the nurse acted like she was on drugs, kept carrying messages from Mom back to the Dr. who was doing scopes on people, then we would get his opinion back that way, and she kept messing up the messages, didn't understand anything we said, we repeated things up to 6 times, I finally went unconscious from my blood sugar going too low from lack of food or water and all the stress, so they some glucose to bring me around. (And mom was the one there to be treated. Gosh...what a joke, me trying to care for HER.) She is able to do some shopping and clean house a bit (do a LOT more than me), and she can get medical care anytime so she's less apt to die than me. Anyway we got so tired and in pain and frustrated after 7 hours of this carrying messages back and forth and no Dr. seeing mom, no admitting to hospital like she was told was supposed to happen, no test, nothing...so we walked out.
It was a tough day but WORTH IT cuz mom won't be having surgery soon!
Today we start over again and I take her out of town AGAIN (did this day before yesterday) to the Dr. and hospital there...BUT THIS MEANS THE SURGERY WILL BE DELAYED!!!---Which means she will be alive for a while which means I won't be homeless. They don't do surgery in this little town I take her to see her Dr. at
Now if she can delay this surgery until my husband gets home, he can earn enough that we can continue renting the house we are in now, if anything happens to Mom. Or if the Lord can delay the surgery until other living arrangements are made for me (in case my husband doesn't come back from the war zone), that would be a wonderful gift from the lord too.
Got to drag my painful body to put all mom's luggage in the car again. (Why am I doing this when she can do it and is healthier than me and doesn't use a walker and doesn't have any muscle pain at all?) ---yeah...cuz I'm the obedient daughter that is grateful for all the years she cared for me. My brothers and sister have all told me they are really worried that I will die before Mom, because she has been served and waited on for 30 years, and I have served and waited on my first hubby and now mom until my body is falling apart.
In July when that Dr. told me I would only live for 1 year...on days like yesterday, I sure feel like its true, but I won't believe any human. God decides when I go, not man, and I have things to do yet. I hope to be here for the second coming. lol.
Now I have to start looking into getting help for myself, like some cyber-friends have been urging me to do, (been trhying for 10 years but got to keep trying)...to go to the top if I have to...but have not had enough strength for that either. I can only do a little bit of functioning each day. I wish I could afford to hire a secretary for all my taxes, the legal work to get my hubby home, and now to get help for myself. I have not even had a minute or the strength to get gifts mailed out yet. grrrrrrrr!
Wow, such a faith building experience. Now if I could just keep remembering that he is taking care of us and will even make miracles for us! It is hard for me to believe that everything will be OK, because even though I put everything into God's hands, he HAS let some very awful things happen, because that's what life is all about...so even though in my heart I know God is in control...I am always afraid of how hard the next "test" is going to be and if I am up to the challenge.
See? I told you that whenever myu cyber friends pray for me, I feel it, and THINGS HAPPEN! I know the Lord hears the prayers of this group. I have never found so many sincerely faith filled people in one place. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU for your prayers!
Love you all! Bluebirdy

P.S. Though I cried and prayed half the night from the pain, hurting too much to even get up to get my medicine, hurting too much to get back to the hospital (where they wouldn't do much anyway), TODAY I DON'T HAVE MUCH PAIN! I am ready to help Mom again!!! Usually it takes me a few days to be functional after 2 days of running around like I just had. Yeah I will be hurting when I get back from out of town again, but that's ok if God helps me recover quickly like this time! Oh Lord please help me remember that you love me and are helping me and will continue to help me!

Posted by Bluebirdy at 11:03 1 comments  

Labels: faith, fibromyalgia, God, hospital, lupus, medical system, miracles, pain, parents, prayer, spiritual experience, thankfulness

Posted by Bluebirdy at 20:14 2 comments  

Labels: depression, faith, fibromyalgia, hospital, lupus, medical system, pain, parents, prayer