LIFE --1 Hour At A Time!

It's hard to think of myself as being rendered speechless, but I was. I had something I wanted to share, but after such wonderful things were said about me in that review and in the many comments after the review, I wondered if I dared post what was happening now, in case it might change everyone's view of me...but I started this blog planning to show the good and the bad in my life, so that when I am healed, people will know it was real, so I guess I'd better open up and be honest.

Mel very generously overestimated me. I am not the wise (spiritually) person that I think he sees me as. I get lost and frustrated and confused just like everyone else. Now is one of these times.

When I felt so changed with that nutritional supplement, (d-ribose), I thought God had given me a miracle, a healing. I accepted completely that I was healed, and I had gotten a miracle. I thanked Him so many times a day, and after a cautious waiting period to make sure it was not temporary, I got the courage to share my miracle with others, and they also praised God for it, for my healing and for the hope that they might get a miracle too. I hope they do, but people with lupus or other severe auto-immune disease might have a bad reaction. I say might, because maybe mine is an isolated case. I don't know.

I thought my loving Heavenly Father had finally rewarded me, like He rewarded Job after Job losing everything and suffering so much. I thought I was going to get the chance to be functional again, and feel alive and experience joy again, but it didn't last long. I am thankful for the memory of how life felt during that time, though.

I had to stop taking the D-ribose. It appears that it is so good for you, that it even strengthens your immune system. Well for a person with lupus, that can be fatal, because already our immune system is too strong, and the fighter cells attack our bodies and organs as if they are germs or foreign objects in our body. We can't even spend time in the sun, because the sun also strengthens your immune system, making lupus worse. I got so sick that for a few days I wasn't able to roll over in bed to reply to my emails, but I could read them, and was too weak to talk, or to hold up a book to read. I had a seizure, and another time, I think I got very close to death again, because I saw some of the things that I have seen during other near death experiences. I saw some wonderful things, but things that I have no words for, so I don't know how to explain it to people. I am still spending a lot of time thinking about those images and
trying to think of how to describe them.

There is a medicine used for lupus, (cortisone) and it's very strong and has such terrible side affects that I always said I would rather die of lupus than die of the side affects of that medicine. I have only been desperate enough to try it about 3 times in my life. I prayed for guidance about how to get feeling better. Obviously it's not my time to die, and I could not just lay there helpless forever. The impression I got was to take that medicine. I didn't want to do it. I called Mom upstairs and asked her advice. She has that medicine because she also has lupus. It suppresses the immune system so the fighter cells in your blood stop attacking you, and helps with any swelling or inflammation in the body. I spent days passing out and trying to do this US gov't proofreading project during the moments I was awake. I had pancreatitis, inflammation of the pancreas, and it has many nasty symptoms. The worst was that I kept passing out from my blood sugar going too high or too low because my pancreas was out of control. Mom said that the side affects of that medicine only come with large doses and long term use, but when I talked to my Dr. , she talked about large doses like 10 pills a day, or even put me in the hospital with cortisone IV, but said she didn't trust this hospital much, we are not even checked on often enough during the day while in this hospital. I didn't want the side affects from doing that, so I took a few pills and cut them into 4, and during the day would take one tiny piece of the pill, with a bite of food so I wouldn't get sicker. This is the third day of doing that, and finally many symptoms have lessened, I feel strong enough to type again, but not strong enough to get in the shower yet. So I am thankful now for this strong medicine with horrible side affects, in small doses, BUT...


I am wondering

I accepted that healing! I thanked the Lord SO many times a day for it. I told others about my healing and my miracle and they also praised the Lord about it! I was convinced I had been given another chance at life, to have enough strength to enjoy life or to function a bit more than I do.


I know I will learn in time the reason why God took my healing away....but until I learn that, my feelings are hurt like a child whose parents did something that hurt the child, but was for the child's own good. I feel a bit betrayed and confused by the one who I love the most...my Heavenly Father.


I am so frustrated, I use my made-up word "FRUSTIPATED!!"---beyond frustration! So frustrated, that I am not able to accomplish anything else until this problem clears itself up. I have so much that needs doing urgently, and can't even find anyone to hire to help. I can't have anyone come live with me when I am in this condition, so I get upset thinking about my husband coming home. I can't bear the thought of making life hard or even miserable for him.


Interesting that the worst of my illness happened the day that I finished all the legal paperwork to go to court to get my husband here, 5 years of work, 1800 pages done in the last 5 days of work.

OH MY STARS!! I just noticed something!! I have had this picture as stationary for years, but the stationary had this as small pictures down the left side of the paper. I thought of putting it here because it reminds me of how I feel, looking out the window, trying to figure out "WHY??" Now I see this picture in a whole new light. I have never seen the wolf outside the window. Did you know "lupus" means WOLF? She is not looking out the window, she is turned away from the wolf, from the lupus. The dove in the corner, the symbol of the Holy Spirit, is watching over the lady! The wolf is standing in water, and that water is flowing into the window, and the woman's feet are in the water, so the effects of the wolf (the lupus) is affecting the woman. The light above the woman's head, I wonder what it's symbolism is. Light...spirit? knowledge? God? Any ideas from you, my friends? What do you think that light could symbolize in the picture and in how it could relate to me and the wolf (lupus) and my sitting by the window thinking? Any other symbols you would comment on? The moon, the fact the lady is wearing all white? The water? Whatever it is in the lower 1/4 left side of the picture? Maybe your insight will give me some insight.


Love you all---u r pieces of my life and heart.

Oh, I need to add:
This is Remembrance Day here:
The day we remember and honor our veterans
the day WWII ended
11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.
Out of respect for all of our veterans form everywhere:

Support Our Troops

Posted by Bluebirdy at 13:18 9 comments  

Labels: d-ribose, death, faith, government, healing, lupus, NDEs

Hello all;

They say the higher the climb, the harder the fall...so after my weeks and weeks of feeling like I had a new life given to me due to D-ribose controlling my fibromyalgia, then getting a severe lupus flare-up, I am pretty low.

I've spent a week trying to decide whether to even ask your opinions or not... I'm kind of ashamed for needing someone to help me think things out, but we all need a "sounding board" sometimes I guess.

For those who don't know me, 1.5 years ago I was given 1 year to live due to end stage lupus, and I have almost a dozen other serious conditions caused by lupus destroying various organs in my body; and lately found a supplement that changed my life and made me feel alive again by controlling my fibromyalgia and healing many things in my body. It also changed my daughter's life, and now my Mom and even her Dr. are trying it. It's called D-ribose and it is responsible for literally thousands of functions in the body, and I am sure God led me to find it, because I actually bought it by accident instead of something else. There are other posts about D-ribose below in my blog.

If I was superstitious, (I'm not)...I would think that when I started proclaiming my miracle of such a turnaround in my health and life, I might have jinxed myself. Although I am still fibromyalgia free when I take the D-ribose, I got smacked off my feet with one of the worst lupus flares I have had in years. Yes its my own fault because I thought I felt so good that for the first time ever, I did too much, and so now I'm paying for it. I did all the Canadian Thanksgiving shopping and cooking myself. In my first marriage I had my mother-in-law's help because we entertained up to 30 people at a time. This time it took me 3 days of cooking/resting until I got it done, then I was too sick to eat it, but I made my brother so proud he cried. lol. He's been the cook and chef for Mom, Dad and I since I moved back home with them, but he quit cooking for us when Dad died 10 months ago.

Also I have been overwhelmed with legal work to try to get my husband home ASAP for compassionate reasons. I have been doing the work my lawyer should be doing for me, and I have done 1200 pages of documents this week.

I was so busy working or collapsing that I didn't have time to write to anyone. I can't keep up with my email anymore which takes 8-12 hours a day. I don't have a secretary and staff like my lawyer does does, and most of what she wants me to send IMMEDIATELY are things I sent her up to 4 times before. Some of the papers are almost impossible to get new originals of, like papers that were notarized in the court over in the area that my husband is living. She just keeps claiming she didn't get them, but for many I have a photocopy, which means I sent her the original. I just broke down and cried yesterday to my hubby. I was so tired and overwhelmed and getting cold feet wondering if I could even be a wife if I am this sick every day.

I am still grateful for finding the control for the fibro, because if I had to fight fibro along with this, I would not be able to even move.

I think that because I am so tired (slept 1 hour in 72) and in pain that I am not able to think things through clearly, so I need some feedback. I realize not everyone here has the same beliefs as me, but I feel very close to my Lord personally, so I feel a bit hurt/confused, even betrayed, or cheated, like I had been given a precious new life and then had it taken away again, and as if He WANTS me to suffer and not be able to feel human or alive or able to care for myself. That hurts my feelings so much, because I try so hard to be thankful to Him for everything, and was so grateful to start to feel what normal people feel like and think like without constant pain and exhaustion. I had gotten hope again that I could be a good wife to my husband when he comes home from the war zone; now I have doubts again now that I am so sick, but I still have faith that God will supply my strength for each day. We'll get through somehow, one day/one hour at a time. I just wanted life with my husband to be so much better than it can be at this level of suffering. Do you think God wants me to suffer? That he would take away what I thought was the first steps to a new life? I just don't know how to interpret this spiritually. Yes I believe there's a reason for everything, but I just feel like a child whose parent took away something like leg braces or eyeglasses that I would need to function in life. (I can just hear a few of my male friends now saying 'Wow, women just over-think everything!') lol.

I even feel guilty about not being able to understand this right now or wondering what God is doing...but it's a normal human reaction I think, especially when I am too sick to sort things out for myself.

Any thoughts?
Bless you all--

Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy at 18:27 9 comments  

Labels: d-ribose, fibrofog, fibromyalgia, lupus. faith

Photo by Jason Smith

I ended up in the E.R. again day before yesterday. I waited in pain in bed for a week, not wanting to deal with the abuse AGAIN...but finally the pain got too much and I went. It was such a good experience, it was a shock! Seems that so many things are turning around for me. New Dr,. found a remedy for fibro, maybe I'll find other remedies, a good hospital experience, knowing my husband is being protected no matter what. (And right now he has no utilities and no way to get out of that town to a place that DOES have utilities, so chaos will soon break out in that town, which I know he will be protected through, but so sad that he has to go through all of this.

On Wednesday I was treated so well it shocked me. I got in quickly, was seen quickly, given a good dose of medicine without the interrogation, and got out of there quickly. I think one reason is because my heart rate was so fast it scared them. The nurse said "Can your heart rate really be that fast?" I said "When my pain is this bad, it can be. My heart has stopped from this pain before." I have only had about 3 visits that good in 15 years. There were also signs on the walls that said "This hospital is an abuse and harassment free zone." So I wonder if finally that hospital was reported so many times that they got in trouble and had to start staff seminars about how to treat patients or something. Maybe because of the publicity of the man dying a few days ago in the E.R. waiting room after waiting 34 hours and not getting treatment, really put other E.R.s on their toes to really help people not go through that. The waiting room was almost empty, so maybe that story also scared a lot of people into staying home if they thought they would have to wait.

Some things are better since I started taking D-ribose. life is better since I found D-ribose. Life is brighter, more enjoyable. stress and pain are easier to bear. It seems to have helped my depression, diabetes, heart problems and fibromyalgia pain and fatigue...but unfortunately other health problems got worse because of overdoing and due to weather changes. The picture at the top just seemed so much like how I feel.

Lupus is such a horrendous disease. So little research is being done on it, and there are only 3-4 treatment options, all more dangerous than the disease, so we choose to just have each symptom treated as it occurs.

It is more painful than most cancer cases, lasts much longer, yet we are expected to carry on and keep our lives going,and to smile and not show our pain, and we very rarely are offered pain relief because of the fear of addiction. Doctors still don't realize that there is a difference between addiction and dependence, and that its very rare for a person with chronic severe pain to get addicted. Their body gets dependent on those meds, but not addicted. There is a scripture that says something like "There will be scourges where people will pray for death to take them, but death will not come." There are sure a lot of diseases that have developed in the past 15 years or so that fit that scripture, and lupus is one of them. The other day was Mom's 76th birthday, and i thought how very strong she is to go through this pain for so many years, and I can't imagine going through that pain for another 40+ years! I guess we do what we think we can't, one hour and one day at a time.

They named Trigeminal Neuralgia right when they named it the suicide disease. It truly is among the most painful things a human can bear, and I laid here for a week, choosing to suffer with that pain and try to wait for it to pass, rather than get more abuse from the E.R. I went to the clinic to see my new Dr. hoping she would be able to give me a pain shot, but she said they don't give pain shots in the clinics in town anymore, so I would STILL have to face the E.R. I found a support group for people who have been abused by medical staff, and I think I will joined it. It has really affected parts of my personality to not be able to avoid being abused again and again. It shows that it is happening A LOT if there is a world wide support group for it.

Got to quit for now. the pain is too much again. I have most of my readers in my prayer journal and I am praying for you.

Blessings,

BLUEBIRDY

Posted by Bluebirdy at 17:34 3 comments  

Labels: d-ribose, doctor abuse, fibromyalgia, God's help, heart failure, pain, trigeminal neuralgia

YIPEE & YAHOO!


Hi fellow fibro-mites or fibro-mates or whatever you want to call yourselves. I have had such a dramatic improvement that I would feel like I am being very ungrateful if I didn't share my great help with others.

My sister came to visit today from out of town, and she said she could not believe the difference in how well I move and walk and that I even breathe easier and look better. I went to 4 stores with her, without a cane or walker. I have not done that in almost 8 years! I am giving credit to D-Ribose, a substance that is naturally in our bodies, but they have found people with auto-immune diseases and also multi-system diseases such as fibro, Lyme-disease, gulf war syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, are very low on this. It helps oxygen and nutrients get directly to the individual cells. It has cut the pain and fatigue caused from fibro in half, and increased my endurance. (Too bad it can't cut ALL my pain and fatigue in half from all my conditions.) I am hoping that with continued use, that will improve even more. It is completely natural, no side affects and no drug interactions except for insulin or diabetic medications, because it does lower your blood sugar if you are diabetic, which is a good thing. It has also done that for me.

If you try it, don't give up too soon. I took it for 3 weeks and I am not patient so I was ready to quit after 1 week, but that little voice inside told me to keep trying, since I had no bad side affects (and it seems I react to almost everything). After 3 weeks, it kicked in one morning and I woke up breathing easier and without as much burning an pain in my muscles. I take one in the morning, then about 3 or 4 p.m. when everyone seems to fade or slow down or reach for caffeine or candy or chocolate, I take one again, and I am ready to go again, as soon as it kicks in!

I pray that even one of you will have the changes that I have had! I know most of us have more than one disease, so this won't cure us, but it sure will make everything easier if even 50% of our fibro pain and fatigue is helped, won't it?
Blessings to you all!

Posted by Bluebirdy at 18:34 4 comments  

Labels: d-ribose, fibromyalgia, natural remedies