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Showing posts with label spiritual experience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual experience. Show all posts

Thursday, 10 January 2008

WE GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!!!

Hello all!
THANKYOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!
~WE GOT ANOTHER MIRACLE!! We went to the hospital and instead of admitting Mom, they sent her to the outpatient clinic first, where they kept us for 7 hours, the nurse acted like she was on drugs, kept carrying messages from Mom back to the Dr. who was doing scopes on people, then we would get his opinion back that way, and she kept messing up the messages, didn't understand anything we said, we repeated things up to 6 times, I finally went unconscious from my blood sugar going too low from lack of food or water and all the stress, so they some glucose to bring me around. (And mom was the one there to be treated. Gosh...what a joke, me trying to care for HER.) She is able to do some shopping and clean house a bit (do a LOT more than me), and she can get medical care anytime so she's less apt to die than me. Anyway we got so tired and in pain and frustrated after 7 hours of this carrying messages back and forth and no Dr. seeing mom, no admitting to hospital like she was told was supposed to happen, no test, nothing...so we walked out.
It was a tough day but WORTH IT cuz mom won't be having surgery soon!
Today we start over again and I take her out of town AGAIN (did this day before yesterday) to the Dr. and hospital there...BUT THIS MEANS THE SURGERY WILL BE DELAYED!!!---Which means she will be alive for a while which means I won't be homeless. They don't do surgery in this little town I take her to see her Dr. at
Now if she can delay this surgery until my husband gets home, he can earn enough that we can continue renting the house we are in now, if anything happens to Mom. Or if the Lord can delay the surgery until other living arrangements are made for me (in case my husband doesn't come back from the war zone), that would be a wonderful gift from the lord too.
Got to drag my painful body to put all mom's luggage in the car again. (Why am I doing this when she can do it and is healthier than me and doesn't use a walker and doesn't have any muscle pain at all?) ---yeah...cuz I'm the obedient daughter that is grateful for all the years she cared for me. My brothers and sister have all told me they are really worried that I will die before Mom, because she has been served and waited on for 30 years, and I have served and waited on my first hubby and now mom until my body is falling apart.
In July when that Dr. told me I would only live for 1 year...on days like yesterday, I sure feel like its true, but I won't believe any human. God decides when I go, not man, and I have things to do yet. I hope to be here for the second coming. lol.
Now I have to start looking into getting help for myself, like some cyber-friends have been urging me to do, (been trhying for 10 years but got to keep trying)...to go to the top if I have to...but have not had enough strength for that either. I can only do a little bit of functioning each day. I wish I could afford to hire a secretary for all my taxes, the legal work to get my hubby home, and now to get help for myself. I have not even had a minute or the strength to get gifts mailed out yet. grrrrrrrr!
Wow, such a faith building experience. Now if I could just keep remembering that he is taking care of us and will even make miracles for us! It is hard for me to believe that everything will be OK, because even though I put everything into God's hands, he HAS let some very awful things happen, because that's what life is all about...so even though in my heart I know God is in control...I am always afraid of how hard the next "test" is going to be and if I am up to the challenge.
See? I told you that whenever myu cyber friends pray for me, I feel it, and THINGS HAPPEN! I know the Lord hears the prayers of this group. I have never found so many sincerely faith filled people in one place. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU for your prayers!
Love you all! Bluebirdy

P.S. Though I cried and prayed half the night from the pain, hurting too much to even get up to get my medicine, hurting too much to get back to the hospital (where they wouldn't do much anyway), TODAY I DON'T HAVE MUCH PAIN! I am ready to help Mom again!!! Usually it takes me a few days to be functional after 2 days of running around like I just had. Yeah I will be hurting when I get back from out of town again, but that's ok if God helps me recover quickly like this time! Oh Lord please help me remember that you love me and are helping me and will continue to help me!

Posted by Bluebirdy at 11:03 1 comments  

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Saturday, 8 December 2007

Interesting Experience since Funeral


        I had a weird experience yesterday. There have only been 3 times that I have cried uncontrollably since Dad died. First was when he died, second was after the funeral, third was last night about 8:00. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset and why I couldn't stop myself from crying, and I cried until about 10:30, then I realized that 7:45 two weeks ago is when Dad died. It seems like my body stored that traumatic hour in my body, and somehow, the alarm in my body went off at the same time he died. Strange.
      I noticed that with my divorce, too. Even after many years when I had forgotten the dates that some events happened, I would get into the most solemn, quiet, sad mood, and not understand why, then later it would come to me that it was that hour, day, month, etc. that he told me he was leaving, or that he did something else traumatic in our relationship.
     Just this month I have read a bit about memories being stored in your DNA, and sometimes are even passed down to the next generation. Maybe this experience has some tie to that theory? I don't know. So many mysteries that I will be so excited to learn after we are resurrected and can learn for eternity.
    I am sleeping about 1 hour every 2 days. Stress makes fibro/lupus worse, fibro/lupus flare makes stress worse, so its a vicious cycle.
    It is wonderful to feel the peace that passes all understanding, and to feel the Lord carrying us, and to have the knowledge that our family will soon be together again, and we know where he is and that he is happy and probably has even gotten to meet the Lord by now. What a comfort faith is.
     Gosh its nasty cold  here too. about -12. Its supposed to be the coldest winter in 15 years, and I believe it from the way its starting out! I'll have to go to Salvation army and get more layers of clothes to put under my coat, and a warm hat and scarf and hopefully some snow boots. I hear the snow boots are about $100 new, because the retail stores know that we have not needed them for so many years, that there are none in the used clothing stores, so if we want some, we have to pay whatever they want to charge us.
     Here is something else interesting. When Dad went into the nursing home 2 years ago, Mom, my brother and I suddenly hated food. It was like a constant nausea or knot in our stomach. We didn't even like the smell or sight of food, so we lived on very little food. This is one of the reasons I gained so much weight. My body thought it was starving, so it would not burn any fat. Now that the knot is out of our stomach, because we know that Dad is not suffering anymore, we are eating more (because there is so much food here left over from the funeral), and I lost 5 pounds in 5 days (2.5 kilos) from eating MORE! Dieting ruins your metabolism. Most large people have dieted themselves all the way to obesity. People are now learning that there are no magic pills or diets or tricks to staying thin. Only eating good food in portions that are not too big, and keep moving around as much as possible. So much has to do with genetics, also.  I AM THANKING GOD for helping me lose even 5 pounds because there is no way I can exercise enough to lose a lot of weight. Too much pain. I have found a few ways to exercise without pain, but do it many times a day, so that it will burn calories.  I hope soon I will be strong enough for my favorite activity, swimming, and to go on long walks so I can be strong enough to travel. I used to get awards in sports at school. Hard to look at my body now and believe that. lol. I just want to get stronger so I can enjoy life and help others more.

Posted by Bluebirdy at 23:36 0 comments  

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Thursday, 4 October 2007

How I Am Finding Contentment

(I wish I could figure out how to make the new lines, paragraphs, separated sections show up in this blog, instead of all running together. Even the "preview" doesn't show the same way it ends up posting. I think what I have to do is to type ** to indicate where a new line or paragraph starts. )

**A few people are asking how I got that contentment I blogged about earlier, so here's how:a very short summary of what I've learned. Maybe later I can include the books and tapes that got me to this point over the past 3 months.

**As for the contentment, How I wish I could magically send it as an attachment to an email. It's not yet a permanent condition. It took a lot of study about how to stop worrying, and I am still practicing. Old habits die hard, but I am hoping I can keep practicing what I learned whenever the contentment starts to leave me. This article (you might have been in the hospital when I sent it) helped sum up a lot of what I learned about not worrying. http://bluebirdyliving.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html
I also found my 2 biggest tricks are:

**1) I decide if its something I can control or not. If not, I ask God to please take it from me because I can't do anything; and if I can control it, I ask Him to help me make the right decision, and to give me the strength to do what I need to do with it, and

** 2) I have to keep reminding myself to live in the moment. Are things fine NOW? Enjoy NOW. I was so worried about the future and about everything else that I was not enjoying anything in life. I ask "Is what I am worrying about something that might not even happen and/or in the future?" What a shame to suffer for it twice, once now, before it even happens (when it might not even happen), and then again in the future if it does happen. Even if you are worrying about something that WILL happen, "will worrying add one moment to the length of your life" (as Jesus said). Does worrying solve anything? It just makes you suffer, so I have to practice pushing those worrying thoughts out of my mind and replacing them with something else.

**One more thing...I stopped fighting/denying my situation, started accepting, and trying to learn what I can do to make life better now that I have accepted the way things really are. I also decided I have to cut out all negative media/music/books, etc. that drains my energy.

**During an NDE, I learned that I am much harder on myself than even God is, and that He expects much less of me than the world and my religion does. I have to remind myself of that often, so I am learning to quit being mean to myself for not accomplishing much.

**I hope something I have learned will help someone else, even if for a few moments a day!
**Blessings, Bluebirdy

Posted by Bluebirdy at 12:33 0 comments  

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