Wednesday, 30 October 2013

I Thanked God For My Trash Today!!

    I am in the habit of counting my blessings and thanking God for them daily. Today while I was crying in exhaustion and emptying my garbage, I surprisingly found myself noticing the items in the garbage and being grateful for them, and being grateful that I live in these days of convenience, if I have to be sick.
    I looked at the milk carton and was grateful that I didn't have to milk the cow myself and make the dairy products myself.
    I saw the empty insulin bottle and was grateful for modern medicines that keep us alive and improve our quality of life.
    I saw the CD cover and was so grateful to live in the age of Internet, where I can stay home but still have friends worldwide, find people who I can learn from, and even earn a living from home.
   I saw the TV guide part of the newspaper and was grateful for a TV for entertainment any time I want, and company when I'm alone, and distraction from my pain.
    I saw the empty herb bottle and was so grateful for natural medicine that  I didn't have to go find the herbs in the fields myself. I’d love to if I had the strength, but I don’t.
    I saw a frozen meal container, and was grateful that those exist for when I am too weak to cook.
    I saw the banana peeling, and was grateful that we get so many different kinds of produce shipped to us, year round! It was not that long ago that even getting an orange at Christmas was considered a real luxury.
    I saw the toilet paper roll and OH HOW GRATEFUL I am for indoor plumbing! Especially in winter.
    I saw the light bulb, and I’m oh so grateful for indoor lights/electricity. Even my mother didn't have that until she was a teenager. She was so allergic to the kerosene lamps and the horse she road to school each day.
    Even the garbage bag made me grateful for trash pickup, so that the trash doesn't build up in my yard.
    I stopped crying and thanked the Lord, realizing that if I had to be so ill, this is certainly the best age to live in. With drive-through banks and so many other conveniences,it makes things that are already very difficult to be easier. I think of people who lived even 50+ years ago, and think of how hard it would be for them to survive and raise a family if they were homebound. Of course it’s still hard, and even with the conveniences, I can barely function, but with the washer and dryer and microwave and dishwasher, I am able to be much more independent than if I had lived 50-100 years ago and had this illness. I have a real sympathy for my ancestors who also lived with lupus in such trying times. My great uncle died in his 50s from what the local Dr. called “rheumatism with internal involvement”, which I think was a bad case of fibromyalgia, which also affects internal organs and endocrine and nervous system. Auto-immune diseases go back quite a few generations in my family. So I give them so much credit, and I’m almost ashamed of how weak I must appear to them, watching down on their family from above.
    We take so much for granted, just trying to get through each hour, each day, but at this moment, I want the Lord to know that I take nothing for granted. I am grateful for all my blessings. Especially for being born in the country I was (Canada) where women can say and think and do anything they can dream of, and not be sold off as child brides and not become only second class citizens, as in almost half the world.
Thank You Lord!

Monday, 27 August 2012



      This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot;then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it." If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.
      -author unknown

Friday, 24 August 2012


I was deleting old drafts, and the "posts" page popped up, and I deleted a couple of posts!!! SO FRUSTRATING! It took all the strength I had to make that post yesterday or the day before. It was the one about what we can learn from suffering and trials. Oh man! FIVE of them are gone. Oh well... Everything happens for a reason.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

My Absence

He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will
rest in the shadow of the Almighty. –Psalm 91:04
Hello friends,

I’m sorry I’ve only posted 2 posts in 1 year. My health got much worse, which affected my concentration, so I am no longer able to think like I used to. I part of each day semi-conscious due to various health problems, and even my vision changes from hour to hour.

However, through it all, I am at peace, more than any other time in my life. I feel the Lord near. I feel His guidance, His whispers, His comforts through the Holy Ghost. I am most blessed!! Depression and anxiety are gone. I get frustrated now and then, but not a true clinical depression.

In January I went through a divorce. I tried for 8 years to get permission for my husband to immigrate to Canada. Why it took 8 years, will never make sense to me. It was only a few years that we realized that this marriage would not work out. I had become too sick to help him in every way a wife helps a husband, and to help him adapt to a whole new culture. We wanted to stop the immigration process earlier, but we weren’t allowed to, unless we claimed that one of us committed marriage fraud, which would mean jail. So we just kept going through the torment of paperwork over and over and over, and the emotional turmoil involved. The Dr. suspected that a lot of my heart problems came from the immigration stress for so many years. When we learned that hubby would not even be allowed a visitor’s visa, and I’m too sick to go to another country, we decided it’s best if we broke it off, to give hubby a chance to fall in love and have a normal marriage with children.

In February I had a head injury that has also caused problems. They called it a mild TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), with post-concussion syndrome.

In April a Dr. told me I need a heart transplant, so I guess one of the big problems with my brain is not enough blood getting to it. I won’t be getting the heart transplant. I don’t qualify for the transplant list, because I have other organs that are failing; and because lupus would attack the new heart too. Even if my health was better, I’ve been told that in Canada, (or possibly just my province) people who are on disability don’t qualify, because the gov’t doesn’t spend large amounts on us. I was denied a pacemaker/internal defibrillator a number of years ago. I am not a bit scared though, because every time my heart has stopped, if there wasn’t a medical person around to restart it, God would restart it, and He will continue to do so until my purpose is finished for being kept alive.

I’ve missed the blogging community, and I’ve lost a lot of friends because I was not strong enough to keep up with email replies. I’m hoping I can attend to my blog more often, but I might be using a lot of pictures rather than a lot of writing. I’ll do what I can. Thanks to those of you who have kept in touch with me through all of this. I hope to be able to start blog-hopping again.
May the Lord bless you as He has blessed me!

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Struggles, But Protected by Angels

I’m struggling, but also I have felt like I was surrounded by angels' protection twice in 4 days. Went unconscious for 24 hours, then 2 days later, had blood sugar so high it usually stops a person’s heart, so passed out again before I could call 911. Mom is pretty much bedridden with bleeding and peeling and terribly painful feet, no Dr. knows the answer, so I’m trying to do more for her, when I can't do much at all. We have prayed and found a few helpful items, but no cure. I have had 4 organs go into partial failure, adding to 3 others that have been bad for many years. I am on medicines for 3 of those organs. One organ is my pancreas, so last week I was put on insulin. I had to take 9 pokes a day, (5 injections and 4 tests daily) then I got allergic to one of the insulins, so I had to add 3 allergy injections a day. Then I found out I was allergic to the allergy shot too, which made me go unconscious, so when I woke up the next day I told the Dr. I wouldn’t take that again. She said my life is in danger without that insulin, but it’s in worse danger with the allergies, so she’s concerned. Today I’m still having chest pain from the dangerously high blood sugar yesterday, but this too shall pass. It feels like I will stay alive no matter how many things go wrong with me, so I will just be expected to keep movng even with many organs failing. Eagerly awaiting the Lord's coming.

Before last week, I was very hopeful, because one of the medicines for one of the organs started making me think so much clearer and brought back my memory and I thought I had a new chance at life. But as always, whenever one thing gets corrected, lupus has to cause 3 other problems to prevent any advancement toward health. It’s discouraging, but I have the Lord, and He is my comfort and my strength.

I wish everyone could feel the peace and comfort I feel, even through pain and severe weakness.

Bless you all,

Older Posts