There has always been a question whether God's obedient people should observe Halloween or not. Now that my children are grown, I don't observe it. I'm not a big fan of evil scary stuff or scary movies; but when my kids were growing up, it seemed cruel to make them stay home doing nothing when everyone else was getting candy, so I set some rules. No evil or scary costumes or decorations or movies, and we go with them from door to door, and when they were too big to go door to door, they could have a small party if the friends also didn't have evil costumes and there were no evil decorations, only cute Halloween/fall stuff. We had quite a bit of fun doing it that way.
I hoped so much that my husband would be here tonight, able to see the adorable children in their costumes at the door, asking for candy. I get angry at the government for every occasion and special day that I miss without him. It's almost a mourning feeling as if he has been taken away from me. I was promised by the government in the Spring of this year that he would be home before our wedding anniversary which comes in 2 weeks. 4 years. I am now not even sure if he will be here for Christmas. I am drained, always being on the edge of my seat waiting for notification of when my life with him will begin.
I called my lawyer and every government agency I could think of this week, trying to find out where to begin to find someone in the Canadian Embassy, who will search for his paperwork to see if it's lost or what the delay was, since we have passed three dates that we were promised he would be here.
I know that for years I have been being taught that all delays have a purpose, but still I am impatient.
I had 3 boxes of files that I brought home to sort through, and yesterday was like a living nightmare while I was still awake. I was reliving every crisis I had ever gone through while living in the USA. Loss of my husband, home, kids, papers from car accidents, letters insulting me from doctors, medical records, bankruptcy, refusal letter from disability, notes from my daughter's various traumas, disagreement with my bishop, daughter's suicide attempt, her divorce, all the important documents I had to keep for future reference. Well I have no use for those papers now, thank goodness, so they are trashed and I never have to look at them again. I was so exhausted after that, I think I slept for 4 hours before I could get up and get Mom something to eat.
The wind is 100 kilometers per hour yesterday and today...not great for little children with costumes!! Wind also causes positive ions to mess with people's moods, so in areas where there is a lot of wind, you find a lot of alcoholism. Maybe the wind intensified the emotions I felt from that file.
I still have a whole box of files to go through. Pictures of my ex's family, my ex, papers he might want/need, records from my children's education and life that I need to send to them, and I miss them so much, I have only them once since I left USA 11 years ago, so each file is full of tears for me.
Even though I almost live in bed, my life is never boring!
OK...now some GOOD news...GOD DOES PROVIDE! I got an unexpected check in the mail from the government. They said they owed me some money, it was almost $200, so that helped a lot.
I found out that every time I use my debit card, I was collecting points that I could trade in for things in a gift book that they offer. I have been collecting points for 10 years, so I now have enough points to pay for either the hotel room for a week for the honeymoon, or for part of hubby's flight here! That has replaced the honeymoon savings I lost during the move!!
So I know God is watching out for me/us and providing for us.
Despite the stress, there are many blessings to count. Or as my favorite reading states,
Here is the whole reading.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
As far as possible, without surrender,
If you compare yourself with others,
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
Therefore be at peace with God,
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,