Saturday, 29 March 2008

Laughter is WONDERFUL medicine for the body, mind and soul!!!! I'm going to start posting more funny things. This is cute. Maybe only some cultures will understand it though.



Thursday, 27 March 2008


   How wonderful to have such a loving Lord that He has made it very easy for us to communicate with Him. My family has felt your prayers and things have been getting better.
   Mom was given a new medicine which now allows her to eat food instead of just liquids, and gives her more energy than she has had in years. She is now stronger than I am!
    My mentally ill brother has been very calm and has not been constantly swearing and complaining and getting angry if we say something positive or something to try to cheer him up. It has changed the whole spirit of our home.
     My pneumonia is getting better, and I think my other conditions have been improving also!
     I have gotten my sense of humor back and that has been like a ray of sunshine. That is a true gift only from God. I have been led to some websites and some people who have been through what I am going through, who have taught me GIGANTIC, life changing lessons. This has helped answer my prayer for the Lord to help change my mind, spirit and body. I am so very thankful for all my blessings and "luxuries" that even the poorest people in N. America have. Yes I have a lot of overwhelming stresses and pain, so I felt overwhelmed, but then felt guilty for feeling overwhelmed! I was really being cruel to myself for having any weak or negative thoughts. Then I remembered that this is not a personality flaw, this has natural causes in 2 ways. 1) When you are overwhelmed, you have a hard time thinking clearly and knowing how to make things better, and 2) these negative thoughts can be caused by different chemical illnesses in the body and the brain. When its in the brain, it's called chemical or clinical depression and there are some medicines that help some people, but not everyone can take them. There are other illnesses that cause depression because of the changes in chemicals, strength, pain, worn nerves, unbalanced hormones and metabolism and other physical problems. So depression and complaining is not always just a personality flaw, but I will continue to work on that flaw. Depression caused by illnesses can make a person see things negatively even when there is nothing wrong in their life.
    There is no further news my husband coming here, but I HAVE been given strength, patience, comfort, and guidance about the situation. All things happen for a reason. I am going to start writing to Canadian gov't officials to try to get my husband home. I will accept whatever the Lord decides to do in this matter, but of course if His choice is that we don't get together, it will be heartbreaking.
There is power in prayer, and strength in numbers of people praying for you...SO THANK YOU ALL, for helping make my life a little better. I still need to find physical help for daily life, but the Lord will help somehow in that area too.
May you all be blessed much more than you have blessed my life,

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Paradox Of Our Time

The paradox of our time in history is that:
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers,
wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. 
we spend more, but have less,
we buy more, but enjoy less. 
We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time,
we have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness. 
We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly,
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry,
stay up too late,
get up too tired,
read too little,
watch TV too much,
and pray too seldom. 
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. 
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. 
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. 
We conquered outer space but not inner space. 
We've done larger things, but not better things. 
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. 
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. 
We write more, but learn less. 
We plan more, but accomplish less. 
We've learned to rush, but not to wait. 
We build more computers to hold more information,
to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. 
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. 
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
fancier houses, but broken homes. 
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. 
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. 
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. 
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. 
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. 
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it. 
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. 
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
George Carlin

Monday, 24 March 2008

URGENT-Don't miss this!!

There are 2 internet radio programs that you can listen to on  your computer. These should be WONDERFUL!
1) Tuesday March 25 at 11 a.m. Pacific/2 p.m. Eastern Time, go here
to hear Chris Tatevosian.  He wrote a book called "Life interrupted-It's NOT all about me!" He has had MS for 28 years. He's 41 and has fascinating story. He said he almost destroyed his life and many lives around him because of his bitterness about his illness; then the light bulb went on, and he learned how to make life feel whole and fulfilling and how to have joy in spite of chronic illness.
If you miss this, it will be replayed on the site. I believe (not sure) there is a place on the site where you can access archived interviews.
2) Maureen Pratt -- Thursday, March 27, at 11 a.m. Pacific/2 p.m. Eastern Time,  will give a workshop on "Joy for Those Who Suffer from Chronic Illness," and lead the discussion afterward. For more details, and to log-on, go to www.shepherdofhope.org

Saturday, 22 March 2008

GREAT VERSE for those of us who suffer but want to help others

"The God of All Comfort
2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 (NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

Awaiting Christ's Return


"The God of All Comfort
2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
Blessings, HAPPY EASTER--

Friday, 21 March 2008


(c) Sheila Wall  
 (please use my name when passing on)

Once I was a bank of clay along a wetted marsh. I was content and silent, enjoying the natural sensations. One day an artist came, and with a strong, forceful knife, he cut me, again and again, until I was a lump of my former self. He took me to a strange place and with torturous strength he kneaded me. He threw me on a potter's wheel. He squeezed me. He punched me. He poked me. It seemed to never end. He bent me and thinned me out. I was no longer anything like I once was. Then the wheel stopped! He held me up to a mirror. I was beautiful! The pain had made me beautiful and useful. Now I could rest, I thought. I had become what I was meant to be. But wait! Where am I going now? To a firing kiln? Fire? More pain? Why, artist, why? "My little pot, you are the shape you'll always be, the design I planned for you, but unless I fire and glaze you, you will not endure. I hope you understand, it will not be for long, and then you will be the model for my other student's pots." And so I endured the fire, with anticipation of what I might someday inspire.



ENJOY THE FALL  (c) Sheila Wall  

 (please use my name when passing on)

Well, you did it. You just jumped off the plane for the first time, but not onto solid ground, into thin air! You quickly assess the situation and think, "Now I can panic, or I can savor the experience. Wow. Up here, I feel no pressure, I feel no pain. I can do flips and somersaults that I couldn't do before. I can fly! I can see my town with a different perspective. I don't worry about hitting the ground, because I know my parachute will hold me."

Many years later you find yourself on solid ground, where everything seems heavier and harder. You feel that you are falling in life. After a long series of small stresses, the one catastrophe that you thought you could never bear just occurred. The weight pushes you to your knees in tears, then in prayer, and you hear a soft, quiet voice whisper to your heart, "Well, you did it. You just jumped off the ledge of security for the first time. Now you can panic or you can savor the experience. Down on your knees I can take the load from you. You will be able to do things you couldn't do before, with my strength. You can see things with a different perspective, through my eyes. Don't you worry about hitting the ground. I will be your parachute. I will carry you to safety. Enjoy the fall." Falling doesn't always mean destruction.

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Young Girl with Lupus dies after Child Protection takes her away from Parents

This is just illogical and tragic. I guess it is a crime to be sick and to want to choose what treatments you want, and which make you feel too miserable to take. Please click here or copy the line into your address line.
It's Chronic Chick's new blog...great to re-visit!
Blessings, Sheila


It's the first day of Spring, beginning of new life. It's 2 days from the earliest Easter in our lifetime...MORE new life! I'm ready to begin my new life!
Isn't it amazing the wonderful feeling of Love that enters us when we are born again? It is hard to describe to people who have not experienced it. I think that God put an empty spot inside us, and all our life we try to fill that hole. Some use drugs or alcohol or money or sex, but none of it works. Then when we find the Lord, the hole is filled, and we are complete. I wish I could share this feeling with every person on earth. If anyone who is reading this wants to fill that hole, it is so easy! Kneel down and ask God himself if He and His son, Jesus are real and if they know who you are! James 1:5 says:
"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men
liberally, and upbraideth not; (will hold nothing back from you) and
it shall be given him."
Even if you are not sure if there is a God, take that one bit of faith that is as small as a mustard seed. It is enough to start with. HE WILL let you know, through your heart, that He is there and loves you. You are His child! He made prayer so easy, because He misses His children when they don't speak with Him. He could have set us on earth and left us alone and told us to make it through life alone, but He didn't. He is always there for you...as close as a silent prayer! He is a fair and loving God. When you have let Him enter your heart, then you need to study His word, and try to live the way of happiness. The 10 commandments are only to make us happy. Those who break those rules only cause and get unhappiness. His rules are not just to control us--He gave us free agency--but those rules are to make our lives easier and happier. Faith without works is dead, and so are works without Faith. They must be joined together. The word "Gospel" means "Good News!" Read it. If you need to start with the easier version that does not have the Old English language, do so. It is the NIV, New Inspired Version of the Bible or New Testament. Reading the New Testament first is easier, then as you learn more, you can go back to the Old testament. It's quite a challenge to read the whole Bible cover to cover, so the way I usually study it is to look up one key word, then find every scripture that has that word in it, or teaches about that subject. That is very easy to do on the thousands of sites with the scriptures on it. Bible study classes locally or online also is a great benefit. My own belief is in getting baptized, because even Jesus, who was perfect, was expected to get baptized, so I think all of us, who are not perfect, are also expected to be baptized. That is called baptism by water, for remission of sins. (washes away your sins). Then after that comes the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost. That is the baptism by fire...for when you feel the Holy Spirit, you will feel a burning in your upper chest, and when you have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit, He can be with you at all times to guide you, teach you and comfort you.
Easter is not just new dresses and Easter Eggs and Easter bunnies...teach your children the Reason for the Season!

Bluebirdy (Bluebirdies love springtime too!)
P.S. Hoping to see a Bluebird for the first time in my life this spring!

Wednesday, 19 March 2008


With so many people praying for me, I'm sure wonderful things will happen in our family soon! I am filled with tears of joy and my heart is overflowing with love for those who wrote to me to say they will pray for my family and me. Did you you ever notice that "FAMILY" ends in "ILY"--texting language for I Love You! I want to write to each one of you, just give me a bit of time to get my energy. When I started this blog, I had 4 hours of energy a day. Now I can only stay active for 4 hours if I am laying on my bed with my keyboard and mouse on the bed with me. Then I am too weak and in too much pain so I have to just stop everything. I don't sleep until 3 a.m. then I wake up at 7 a.m. due to pain.
I am excited about my new friends, they love God like I do, I think the Lord will be guiding me to show me how I can make my life better and make my body stronger. Since 2 bloggers asked their viewers to look at my blog, I want to return the favor and ask my viewers to look at their blog. Such spiritual people. The Lord is sending me such wonderful earth-angels through my blog! I hope that soon He will send some local people soon to be a friend or even if I could hire them to help us.
Prayer has power. I hope you who pray for me will be blessed many many more times than you are praying for blessings for me.
Talk to you soon;
Talk to you soon

Argentina-Arthur and Gusthav

Phillipines-Mel Alarilla

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

That "Person" Called Illness

that "person" called illness
He invited himself to stay with us one day,
And though he was an imposition,
We agreed, for a few days.
Days stretched into weeks,
Weeks  into months.
That leech loved his stay, and why not?
He took our every thought, every moment,
All of our strength and most of our money.
We asked him, begged him,
Threatened him to leave,
Prayed for him to go,
And even tried to ignore him.
But he only pestered us more,
He grouched at the children,
Hated us to look good,
Laughed at our pain,
Forbade our pleasure.
I had to stay in his presence every moment,
All day and night.
He tormented me,
inside and out.
I couldn't even leave long enough
to go to a movie.
Neighbors whispered about him,
Family avoided him,
Doctors were frustrated by him and rejected ME, because of HIM.
Even friends became intimidated.
I was locked up with him,
Changing how I was thinking,
Getting jealous, tired, mad,
Feeling weak, lonely, sad,
Useless and helpless.
Brave moments were put on like a hat
When company came,
And our 'guest' called illness told us he'd leave soon,
But on he stayed,
Wearing us down,
Telling us he was teaching us,
Molding us,
Carving us,
Chip by chip...
Cut by cut...
Step by step...
So we believed him,
And carried on.
         -Sheila Wall-Wahab"
Please kindly include the name of the
author when sharing this.

God DID send angels!

My belief is that God almost always answers prayers through other people. I am home from the first day of sitting with Mom in the clinic AGAIN, and them telling her AGAIN that she can not have the surgery, it will kill her; and that she will just have to live with the way her health is now. There is no easy answer. I am hoping that she is not making more appointments with other doctors so she can try to convince them to do the surgery.

Due to Mel's blog, http://melavilaalarilla.blogspot.com/ many angels have been sent into my life, to lift me up and carry me right when I needed it most. I thank you ALL! All of you are inspired angels. With a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye, I am reminded that the Lord DOES know our situation and WILL help me, from all over the world. I still can't get local physical help, but we will survive. Not easily, but still survive. I am thankful for all the blessings that God has given me, and that He is protecting my husband and my mother and brother, and is sending me earth angels!
Mel (Head angel? LOL) I don't know how I will be able to thank you for asking others to pray for me. I KNOW THE POWER OF PRAYER!! I am so humbled. I am not worthy of your words, but I thank you anyway.

I am ashamed of how weak I am right now. I was not always like this, and I hope soon I will be strong enough to be an angel to others. This is not the person I planned on becoming, but this too shall pass, and hopefully I will be the strong person I was not too long ago when I had over 100 inspirational magazine articles published. I guess everyone has crisis times in their life. Sometimes you are down in a valley, sometimes on top of a mountain as we walk through this path of life. I am down in the valley and our loving Lord is sending me angels to help me get up the side of the mountain until I can stand on the top and see all the distance I came, and I can help others up the side of that mountain as well.
May God bless all of you who are praying for me! May you be blessed 100 x more than you bless others!


I guess Mom decided that I have rested long enough with this pneumonia. Today she wants to start going from Dr. to Dr. to try to get the surgery that they keep telling her they will not give her. She seems healthier than she has been in many many months, but for some reason she wants that surgery. Lupus exhaustion is beyond description, and so is pneumonia exhaustion, put them together with severe pain, and no help physically or medically, and I am too tired to think or to get myself a drink after I get home from driving mom from Dr. to Dr. and hospitals etc. It's only been about 5 days since she was almost killed in a hospital stay, and she wants to go back? I honestly do not have the strength to sit with her 20 hours a day in the hospital, and if no one is with her, they just ignore her, don't give her meds, let her burst colostomy bag dry all over her without helping her clean up. She can get help when she needs it, and she has lots more energy than me. She goes to stores and cleans house. I feel like I can't say no to her, but I feel like running her around is going to kill me! I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of suffering more than I have been before, without any help, and suffering alone. I miss my kids and grandkids so much, my husband, my Dad, yet I would be useless to my kids, grandkids or hubby if they WERE here. I'm stuck in a hard place. Well, off I go to an out of town Dr. Don't even feel well enough to drive out there. This is not fun. They might take one look at me sweating and coughing and white as a sheet, possibly passing out, and decide I need help, not my mom. We'll see . Thanks for your prayers. I really need an angel on each side of me to drag me along until I get a bit better.

Monday, 17 March 2008

Even if you're NOT Irish....

No pinching--only kissing!

Sunday, 16 March 2008

About Easter 2008



Easter This Year Will Be On March 23, 2008.--A SUNDAY--
As you may know, Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox (which is March 20).
This dating of Easter is based on the lunar calendar that Hebrew people used to identify Passover, which is why it moves around on our Roman calendar. Here are a couple of facts, which may interest you.

Based on the above, Easter can actually be one day earlier (March 22) but that is rare. This year is the earliest Easter any of us will ever see the rest of our lives. Only the most elderly of our population have ever seen it this early (95 years old or more).  None of us has ever, or will ever, see it a day earlier

Here are the facts: The next time Easter will be this early (March 23) will be the year 2228 (220 years from now).

The last time it was this early was 1913 (so if you're 95 or older, you are the only ones who were around for that).
The next time it will be a day earlier, March 22, will be in the year 2285
(277 years from now).  The last time it was on March 22 was 1818.     
So, no one alive today has ever or will ever see it any earlier than this year, March 23, 2008.



Saturday, 15 March 2008

Please pray for 2 blog friends

Friends, please pray for Given55 . Her mom just fell and broke her hip, which is very often the cause of complications and death in elderly people. It is sadly always the loss of independence in healthy, independent elderly people. She has lupus so will be trying to care for herself, her family and her Mother now.
Please also pray for a great man of faith, Mel , whose wife is struggling to work in another country to support the family, and Mel is struggling with very painful permanent conditions, and in spite of that, he reaches out to others and prays for them, encourages them, and presses on to find ways to support his family and children.


Hello all;
    I am so happy that I have readers from all over the world, readers of many faiths and cultures and income levels. It seems ironic that even though I am being denied medical care, Canada has a big heart when it comes to trying to help people from other countries who have health problems. I have a friend in India whose mother has nose cancer. They can't afford the chemotherapy. I don't have a lot of strength lately, so if anyone could do some research online to find charitable medical institutions that might send the medicine to this lady or send her some money to help pay for it, I'm sure you would be greatly blessed for that. Besides researching medical institutions, please think of all the doctors, or even people who might have a little extra money that would be willing to help pay for this lady's chemotherapy. I am in the process now of finding out what the cost would be and what the name of the medicine is. Maybe we could somehow open a fund for her and get enough small contributions to pay for the chemotherapy. All cancer is awful, but can you imagine the prospect of possibly having your nose removed if you don't get the chemotherapy? I know one man who has a prosthetic nose, but I don't think a poor lady in India would have such a luxury, and it would pretty much destroy her life. She may stay alive, but with no nose, she would be shunned in her country and maybe even in her family and community. That would be worse than death. Any help that you can offer me in researching for help for this woman would be great!!
    What would be best is if we could all pray that she be healed so she won't even need the chemotherapy....so all of you who have faith that God CAN and DOES heal...PLEASE pray that Mrs. Isaac's mother will be healed of her cancer! I have seen and felt the power of prayer so many times! I know miracles are happening more and more in these last days as the veil between the spirit world and our world is getting thinner...so let's see if we can all pray a miracle for this lady, shall we? Thank you so much. What a beautiful group of people the Lord has sent to me through this blog.

Pneumonia Stinks!

Hello second family;
    Still fighting this pneumonia. What a nasty disease! Know what though? This is the easiest case of pneumonia that I have ever had, and I know it's because of all the prayers that are being said for me! I not only feel calm and peaceful, but hopeful and I know this will pass soon. My attitude is different than usual...more positive and not worrisome.
    The prayers extended to bless my Mother also. She has been quite well since I got sick, so that I would not need to care for her as intensely as usual, and would not need to take her to the hospital.
   I'm afraid my brother is catching this, but his won't be as severe as mine because his general health is better. He doesn't have lupus and 8 other diseases to battle on top of the pneumonia like I am doing.
   My husband was quite worried. He knows pneumonia can be fatal in those who have chronic illness, but we were able to talk on the phone in between the curfew times when all communications are shut down (to prevent the Taliban from communicating with each other during the shooting hours.) I barely have a voice, but was able to tell him a joke or 2, so that relieved his mind and he is able to relax now.
     I really do wonder if we will ever get together. We needed more court papers to be sent to Canada by Feb 29 but he can't get into the court house there. It is being guarded and the public are not allowed in, only those with letters inviting them to a court case are allowed in, and without the court papers, my husband can't immigrate. It has been one hold up after another after another for 4 years.
    It's an interesting concept that they were able to convince the Taliban to only do their shooting/bombing during certain hours. That has to be one of the first times that has ever happened. Usually there are no laws or rules in war. So people are able to work, shop, etc. when the curfew is off, but when the curfew is on, anyone that leaves their house could be shot. There was a baby born in my husband's house during a curfew because they couldn't get to the hospital. The problem is, the curfew is usually at night, so people can't sleep for many days due to the shooting, which adds to their fear and stress and health problems and makes more have nervous breakdowns and post traumatic stress disorder.
   It makes me so angry that the Taliban claim to be Muslim. Maybe they were raised Muslim, but if they were following the Quran and Muslim beliefs, they would not be doing all the violence that they are doing now! They are going against their own beliefs! They are making the rest of the world hate the good Muslims.

Sunday, 9 March 2008

I want my sense of humor back!

ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO RECOVER YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR? I don't recognize myself anymore. So many years of having no one to talk to, and having constant pain has drained me of my sense of humor. In my first NDE, the spirit who was talking to me told me that I would one day become a wise woman of God. Up until that time, all I did was joke around. No one could get me to be serious. I was really annoying. I told the spirit that I'd better stay alive just to see how I could change that much, because I just didn't see how that could happen. In another NDE after my husband left, another spirit (I think it was a relative) asked me why I wasn't using my sense of humor to help me deal with that situation. I didn't even know how to reply. Laughter is spontaneous. If you're getting tickled, or hear/see something funny, you feel like laughing. If you aren't getting tickled and don't hear/see something funny, or don't feel good, you don't feel like laughing. I guess that's the next quality I have to keep working on and praying for. It sure would make like easier. When I am talking to people in the clinic or hospital or when the ladies from church come to visit, I am cheerful and funny, but as soon as I'm alone, nothing seems funny. I guess that's depression, which is a real disease, not just a bad attitude. I can't take prescription anti-depressants, so I will just have to work hard to overcome self-defeating thoughts. ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO RECOVER YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! Just click "comments" below, and enter your suggestions.

Found out why I was so tired...

   I have pneumonia. Got it from the hospital I guess. This is so awful. High fevers, cold sweats, weakness that feels like it goes to your soul or to your bone. I was weak before and unable many times to get up to get something to drink but now even more so. Thank goodness I have all the necessary medicines here, inhaler, antibiotics, fever lowering meds, cuz I feel too weak to even go out to get help.
    Mom is doing so good! I got emails from a couple of other friends who said when their elderly grandmothers or mothers got severe dehydration, the same thing happened to them, so now we know what dehydration can do in the elderly. That was one of the most scary incidents of my brother and my life. We  were SO scared, and it was so horrible to see her suffer. My dear brother has been serving coffee at the nursing home religiously twice a day for 3 years. That's his biggest joy, is to help people. He's on disability, but we all know that serving others does create endorphins (feel good brain chemicals) as an instant reward for doing good for others. Want to feel better? Go help someone. I am useless physically but I get my "highs" from helping people online.
    Oh my gosh, this pneumonia is so nasty that sometimes I wish I could die to make it go away and other times I wake up enough to realize "this too will pass".  I have a really pessimistic friend who said "No good deed goes unpunished." She says it's my pay for staying so long at the hospital with Mom. I was so careful to keep washing my hands and use the hand sanitizer sprays etc. too.
    I don't know how I can be a wife when I am this sick all the time. It would really really bother me to know my husband really needs my help but that I might not be able to help him, and we have NO ONE to call on to get help! I guess I'll keep praying that those things will change; that I will get feeling better and that we will meet good friends willing to help us.
I'm worn out. That took hours to type, with rests in between.

Saturday, 8 March 2008


The only reason Mom is still alive is due to our Heavenly Father. She should have died in 3 days without her heart medicine or insulin or sleep meds. She does not sleep at all without sleep meds. That Dr. and the hospital will be reported. They let my mom call for help while her excrement got dried on her.
We are blessed. My brother and I are SOOO weak from the whole ordeal, but Mom bounced right back and came home to clean house etc. because she doesn't remember that she was delirious and didn't feel the fear that we felt for our lives and futures that we I felt, she didn't feel the suffering of watching someone we love suffer....and the drain of going her telling us everything she was seeing and hearing, which no human being should have to see, and the exhaustion of fighting for her rights and being her nurse. Now she's forgotten about it, but it has made my brother and I really weak.
We are drained, but of course I did have to walk about 4 miles a day and go to the E.R. for myself and I picked up some kind of bug from that hospital. Chest infection I guess. My regular temp is only 97.6 instead of 98.6 cuz my thyroid is messed up, but now it's 102. This hospital is dangerous unless you have an advocate or witness with you at all times.
Gosh SO much stress...over and over and over...Then I get so mad at myself for not being able to function at full strength.
Well thanks for letting me vent. This is great therapy, and I really don't say too much to people in my life. I just share it on paper or now on this blog.
I am thanking God and Jesus and Holy Ghost and angels and anyone else who was involved in helping us get through that ordeal. I did learn that I do pretty well during a crisis, but then I pay for it afterwards, badly. Some friends have said "It's over now. You should be fine." ...but Some panic DURING the crisis, some collapse after. It would have been SO much worse if I did not have faith that the Lord loved us and knew our problem and would be our strength and that there is a reason for everything.
It turned out that she had salmonella poisoning and lost so much fluid in just hours, that it messed up her electrolytes and brain and body fluids.
Still, I am SOOOO grateful, and tell the Lord so whenever I think of it. It could have been such a bad ordeal if she stayed in those hallucinations. I don't think we thank the Lord enough! So go count your blessings, and thank the Lord for all that you have, even those things you are not aware of!

Hi My precious family and God-given dear friends!
Just a note to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for your miraculous prayers. I got so many wonderful loving letters that I want to reply to individually but I just don't have the strength, so forgive my "group" thank you.
My brother and I are DRAINED. So many things went wrong, as if Satan was trying to make it as difficult as possible on us, but Mom's hallucinations were temporary, due to severe case of dehydration after food poisoning. She is only alive today because of our Father in Heaven. What a blessing to know Him and His loving Son.
The power of prayer is such a precious gift. We could have had a very selfish God who put us here and left us alone, but He didn't. He made communication with Him as easy as possible...and yet most people in the world still don't think of praying. I am soooo grateful to Him, even if I'm sooo tired. I picked up a lung infection at the hospital so maybe this is why I am not bouncing back.
Blessings, Bluebirdy

Friday, 7 March 2008

Our hospital is dangerous!

   Thursday morning I woke up at 5 and I kept getting the strongest feeling to get to the hospital. I got showered, dressed, scraped off the car again, then toddled with my walker as fast as I could to see why that feeling was so strong, and my mom was uncontrollable. She was yelling and had not slept in the many nights she had been there, had not been given any heart medicine or insulin, (those are necessary life- sustaining drugs!) or any painkiller except those I brought in my purse to keep her comfortable because the one Dr. that admitted her doesn't think anyone should be on morphine for ANY reason. Not even cancer. If your heart stops because of the severity of pain, so be it. If you lay there crying, demented in pain for months, so be it. I would like to see how he feels at the end of his life if he has a very painful cancer or painful diseases that Mom and I deal with. He would soon be thanking God for creating such a plant that we make strong painkillers out of. The night before, I had told that Dr. that her going through withdrawal would make her even MORE delirious, and make her heart problems worse, so she would need the heart medicine and diabetes medicine even more! If he was going to take her off the morphine, he'd better give her the other meds just to keep her alive! Such an idiot.  We are going to have to report him. He would have killed mom if I had not shown up within an hour or 2. Her blood pressure was so high the nurses were scared. All this is due to Mom's admitting Dr. who is from Scotland, and told me that people in his country consider his word to be the word of God and they would take poison or pills they were allergic to if he told them to. I told him "That wouldn't be very wise. People in this country don't have the opportunity to reach a Dr. each time we need one, so we HAVE to learn to know our bodies and take care of ourselves as much as possible, and to stop harmful medicines if we have reactions."
    When Mom's Dr. came in, I asked why she had not received one pill since she was admitted. His jaw dropped open and he left and slammed Mom's door and walked away. I followed him and said "Dr., it was a very innocent question." He said "If you don't like the way I do things, take her out of here!" I said "How? She is too weak to walk. I can't carry her!" He said "that's YOUR problem." So I went to speak to the head nurse on the floor, and calmly pointed out that Mom had not received one pill or an IV or any treatment since she got there, she had changed rooms 3 times and her phone and TV did not change rooms with her. The head nurse opened her records, and saw that the medicines that she is on WAS written down, and no, she didn't get ANYTHING. I asked how do we go about getting another Dr. He said that it's a complicated process, but thank goodness the admitting Dr. had asked an internist to come check on her. 
      I waited for the internist to show up, and explained the problem, and he was so angry with that Dr. He put an IV in mom right away, and got her correct medicines going, got her special diet in place, things were great. He said he hated morphine too, but he knows you can't cut a person off cold turkey after 20 years when they are so sick in the first place.
    When I was in too much pain to stay any longer, I figured I'd better get home before I got to the point that I would not be able to move. As soon as I left, they totally ignored mom again! No night meds, no insulin, heart medicine, thank goodness I had given her the pain medicine myself, and her colostomy bag had exploded 3 times, so I changed her and the bed and washed her 3 times. I couldn't get anyone to help. One nurse brought a plastic bag to put the sheets, gowns in etc. and they threw them all in the trash! I guess they are rich enough to throw away 3 sets of sheets, 3 bedspreads, 3 blankets, 3 gowns, 8 towels and 8 washcloths. It looked as if Mom's stoma (colostomy) had stopped exploding for the night, so I thought she could rest for the night. After I left, it exploded a couple more times, and NOT ONE NURSE WOULD HELP HER! She had to sit in the bowel movement until it was dried, until a visitor came to see her roommate and got her some towels and washcloths and sheets from the hallway for mom. I should have stayed all night. I should have stayed all 4 days, but then I would be unable to move, and I would be neglected as badly as mom.
    This morning, the internist found that she was no longer disoriented, and her stoma had cleared itself of the blockage, so he discharged her. Mom waited and waited for her meds, for her breakfast, for someone to pull out her catheter and IV. NO ONE CAME! A nurse said "You need to get out of your room NOW, we need the bed!" She said "Well how? I have a catheter and IV in me."  The nurse walked away. My brother showed up to pick her up, and the nurse said "Your son is here, you need to clear this room!" Mom said "Do you expect my son to take out the catheter and IV or what?" (My brother has such anxiety attacks in hospitals anyway, there's no way he could do something like that. I'm an LPN. I could have done it but I am passing out today so I can't get to the hospital.) So anyway, she pulled out the catheter herself, crying, started to get dressed, then a nurse came in and asked why mom was crying. Mom said she had just pulled out her catheter. The nurse said "WHAT? You have probably just torn part of your bladder! What were you thinking?" Mom said "You kept telling me I have to clear this room and no one came in to take out the catheter or IV and I can't get dressed unless they are out, and when you started yelling at me, I figured I wasn't going to get any help, so I took it out myself!" The nurse didn't say anything more, but went to get another nurse. My brother started packing mom's things, and Mom pulled her own IV because she has seen me pull it for her so many times. The other nurse came in and said "No you probably didn't tear your bladder. There is a balloon on the end of the catheter to keep it inside you but you probably pulled hard enough to break the balloon."
    It seems like as long as there is a witness/advocate there, they are SO KIND! But the moment the patient is alone, they are insulted, neglected, DANGEROUSLY so! The roommate said the same thing was happening to her. When her husband was there, the nurses were very good to her. When her husband leaves, even when her heart monitor starts beeping, she is left alone! I am so sure that Dad died from lack of care, and that's probably the way mom and I will go when it's our time too. I told mom that if she ever has to be admitted again, I am going to BEG for home care, because Mom and I can do better care at home than she received, and if I don't have to walk that 2+ miles a day to get to the hospital and around the hospital and home again, I could use that strength to care for mom.
    Even now, I had to almost carry mom up the stairs, and I made her bed, brought her special liquid diet into her room, tried to make her comfortable, listened to her story because she was so upset, and I was half way passing out the whole time, and then I said "Mom, I know how weak you are. PLEEEEEZE call my cell phone if you need a drink or need to get to the bathroom or need to eat anything or want anything, PLEASE call me! I am here for you! Even if I'm passing out...when I come to (wake up)...I will come upstairs and get what you need." She is calling home health care now to see if she can increase her level of care, but I doubt if they will increase her level of care because we tried for 11 years to get home health care in here to give her 1 bath a week! Now that our Dr. is out of the country and the Dr. that admitted her was so nasty, we don't have a Dr. to authorize a higher level of care. The internist that saw mom can not do it, he has to give authority to the admitting Dr.
    She said we may have to go back to the E.R. to see a Dr. there to get a referral for higher level of care. I'm trying to think of someone who can go with her. I can't, I would be on the bed beside her, and my brother can't, he'd be having an anxiety attack, so would be no help whatsoever.
    In my first near death experience, I was told that near the end of my life, doctors would be completely useless, and that the only care that would help is natural treatment and faith healing. I think we are there.
    I'm trying to make sense of this never-ending pattern of being denied help! The whole family, not just me gets denied help, and its part of the human brain to try to find a pattern or a reason to make sense of it. This is probably not true, but it's the latest theory of maybe why God is making us do this all alone.
    We are so very kind and friendly, so I know it's not because of how we treat others. Since Mom and Dad helped develop this church and worked almost full time in this church for 50 years, we STILL call members and ask how they are and let them know we care, etc. but we never get a phone call or visit in return except for 2 ladies who are "assigned" to check on us once a month for 15 mantes or so, and of course we tell them "nothing", when they ask "What can we do?", because they  would not do it if we asked them to do something anyway. They don't care enough about us. I swear the church  thinks we have leprosy or AIDS or something!
    I called our clergy while Mom was in the hospital...and we have not had a return phone call or a visit and he did not delegate anyone else to call to see how we are or anything....so if I did not have the wonderful personal relationship with God that I do, and if I was one that thought that "clergy is the link between me and God", then I would really believe that even God had left us alone....but since I can feel the Lord's guidance and comfort, I KNOW God has not left us alone...people have left us alone...and it has happened in such a severe degree that it is too much to be coincidence. It almost feels as if we will pass away because of lack of help from any other human being, and then when judgment day comes, our family will be used as an example of how our culture has become so isolated and selfish in the last days. People do not even look next door anymore to see if there is someone dying that could use a meal or have their walks shoveled or even have someone to talk to.
  I think bad things happen to many good people because God gave us free agency, and he is letting people have as much rope as they want, so He can see just how far they will go, then on judgment day, they will hang themselves with that rope. I think one of the tortures of Hell is that you learn what you did to other people and will feel their pain for eternity. You will know that there was only one chance on earth, this "school" that we are in for a limited time, to learn and to teach others, and if you feel the pain that you have caused others (purposely, not unintentionally), that would be torment for sure.
Gotta go. SO wiped out. Passing out again.

Thursday, 6 March 2008


Just a reminder:
Those of you on daylight saving time set your clocks ahead 1 hour before going to bed.

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

11 p.m. same day

    Before getting to the hospital, I got a call on my cell phone. I had asked for a refill on my diabetes medicine, and they had to call the Dr. who was on call for my Dr. who is out of the country for 6 months. They called the clinic, and found out that new Dr. only stayed at that clinic for 1 month. I said "well who would fill in for HIM?" They said I would have to find another Dr. I had to go through 17 doctors last time to find one to take me on. So now I don't have a Dr. even for my diabetes. 
   ALONE again.
   I really like my alone time! I treasure it...but everyone needs help sometimes, especially with 3 critically ill people in the family, and one that just passed away, and now 2 that are falling apart and can't talk sense.
   I got to the hospital late, missed talking to the Dr. and had to leave shortly after getting there. I keep passing out due to the stress making my blood sugar too high. I would take my diabetes medicine, then my blood sugar would go even higher than the dosage of diabetes medicine, and if you take too much you go unconscious too, because of it going too low, so I was of no use to mom and she needs me there, and I keep passing out and it happens so fast I don't have time to get to my diabetes medicine, and now my brother keeps calling me and talking almost as crazy as Mom, and I am trying to keep them both grounded and comforted and positive in between my unconscious periods, then hubby needed me to do proofreading, even when I asked him not to take English projects until further notice because I didn't know when I could do the work...and I passed out while doing that, typing jjjjjjjj for a whole page, over and over. I'm so overwhelmed. I wish God would send me some physical help (friends or church members). I can't do all this
       ALONE anymore.
Not when I am not even able to stay conscious. I've been trying to hire someone to help with errands and cooking and cleaning, but no luck. I feel like I am going to fall apart along with my mom and brother. Then where will we all be? In the dementia ward of a nursing home? I didn't know a human could be so tired physically, spiritually, emotionally. I feel like God has ALLOWED Satan to make this as hard as possible and to make me do it all
for 11 years. I am going through the war in Pakistan with my husband because of my deep feelings for him, and going through my own war here as well. He has lots of people around him supporting him all day every day, so it's not as hard. I don't think I can do this
anymore. If Satan wanted to break me, he almost has. I'll just use my favorite saying "I'll lay me down and bleed awhile, then rise and fight again." Please know that this negativity is not just an attitude. It also comes from messed up blood sugar, exhaustion, and unbearable pain.
Cya later


   Ok I am just venting here. sorry. Had to get it out somehow since I don't really have anyone to talk to. I need some prayers.
      I guess when you are really sick, EVERYTHING seems difficult, even the smallest tasks. I came home and slept only 4 hours, and now I went outside to get into the car, and the car and streets are covered with 6 inches of snow! I don't even have the strength to scrape off the car, because I have been flat on my back for 4 weeks with trigeminal neuralgia, which REALLY made me weak. Fast weather changes like this really cause people with chronic illness to get worse, and we have had dramatic changes every day for a week.
     It feels as if some force is making this as difficult as it can possibly be, with my car being dead at 1 in the morning, and now the car covered with 6" of snow.
      I called a cab and I guess there are a LOT of people whose cars won't even start this morning so it will be an hour for the cab, so I will miss talking with Mom's Dr. who wants to discharge her, because when he asks her what her name is, she can answer THAT questions. If he does discharge her, I will be taking her right back downstairs to E.R. and have her admitted under another Dr., because if she can't walk, (she thinks she's paralyzed but moves around in bed just fine) then she can't even get into our house. That's why Dad had to go to the nursing home, because we could not get him in and out of our house and didn't have one of those special lifts to lift him from bed to wheelchair to potty.
     I just talked to my sister who is a psychologist and she said she has seen this go away in 3 days to a week after the patient has had enough rest, so I pray she is right. I feel so alone in all of this, my brother needs as much care emotionally as my mom does. I do feel God's comfort, but we all need other people's help, and I keep asking the Lord why we seem to have to do this all ourselves.
    Our church's lady's group leader promised to go get our groceries on Saturday, but we never saw her or heard from her since. The church seems to think we have something contagious like leprosy or AIDS, or maybe they just don't know what to say or what to do for us.
    My best friend that I've had in 11 years is moving today to a house on the other side of town, so I may never see her again. She has been a strength and comfort to me, and I have been one for her.
    Oh Dear Lord, give me the strength to go dig out the car, and to keep up my strength through this ordeal, because even if I do get sick enough to need a hospital, I won't get it, because my Dr. is out of the country and no one in their clinic will take me on, and even in the E.R. last week, I was told that I could not be admitted because they couldn't find a Dr. who would take responsibility for me. So I would be stuck at home suffering, unable to even get up to get drinks, etc like the past 4 weeks when I ended up in the E.R. 3 times from dehydration and pain.
         I need an angel to help me scrape off the car. lol.

Forgot to mention

I got out of the hospital at 1 a.m. and my battery was dead. Just what I needed after 24 hours in the hospital and in terrible pain and heartbreak. Thank heaven I belong to an auto club, and they took about an hour to come. I got 4 hours sleep. Time to get back to the hospital in time to face the HORRID doctor mom was given. He is one of the 17 doctors I interviewed when searching for a family Dr. and all he did was insult me and threaten me. Mom has been on morphine about 20 years, and he said he is taking her off morphine while she's in the hospital. Well, that could kill her just from going through withdrawal and will not help her condition at all. She does not take morphine just because she thinks it's fun! She is in unbearable pain without it. Enough pain to make her heart stop. Looks like I will have to sneak in some of her pain medicine just to keep her alive. This is a nightmare. My mother is SUPER intelligent, VERY emotionally strong. She has barely even cried from Dad's death, and did months worth of paperwork in a very short time, even though the government has decided that SHE is the dead one, and they cut off all her retirement checks. One mistake by a gov't worker, and it takes MONTHS to get it straightened out. I'd better get going in case the car battery is dead again and I'll have to call a cab. I am thinking of the scripture that says you will never be given more than you can handle, and I don't believe it. Otherwise why would people have heart attacks and nervous breakdowns and physical breakdowns? When I re-looked at that scripture, it actually said that no one will be TEMPTED more than they can bear...but still people quote that scripture to me. Oh gosh, I'm in so much pain. I have not sit up for 24 hours straight for many many years. I have not sit up for even 12 hours straight for over 11 years. I feel the Lord's comfort and strength and I am very grateful for it.
Blessings, Bluebirdy


Dear friends, just ran home from the hospital to get Mom's list of allergies and meds...she is in critical condition and hallucinating and hearing voices but ALL the medical tests are negative. SO weird how they can tell me she's dying if her tests are all negative. She is not in reality at all. This is more than a nervous breakdown. She might be in a nursing home, which would make me homeless for a while...so pray that God will help me take care of all of mom's junk and find a new place if she does die or go into a nursing home. My brother was so upset he had to be treated for heart/chest pain too. We have no clue what's going on but Dad died 3 months ago, and I hear of the spouse going soon after, in many cases...so please pray that angels will hold up my brother and mom and I. My husband was so close to being killed by a suicide bomber on Thursday...am I going to lose my Dad, mom and husband all within 3 months? I am not even well enough to be sitting at the hospital with her, so we will see how soon I need the emergency room too. Oh gosh this is TOO HARD! I have been trying to deal with stress that is getting worse and worse alone, while getting sicker and sicker! I AM SO WORN OUT! *sob* please pray. I always feel your prayers.
Love, Sheila

Saturday, 1 March 2008


Hi all,
   I just had to share with someone a great experience. Went to the E.R. on Monday with my mom as advocate/companion because we get treated nasty here w/o anyone accompanying us. That wore her out. I had to go again on Tuesday. I called 4 people who told me at Dad's funeral that if I needed anything to call them. I wanted someone to go with me. No one was home, mom was too sick to go, so I went alone.
    As I was driving over there, I was silently praying "Lord, WHY do you want me to do this all alone? If there is something I need to learn from it, PLEASE give me a hint so I can learn from it and then attract the kind of help I need, and move on to other lessons. (Trials are just lessons.) I just dreaded facing the wait (they leavev alone patients to the last) and defending myself when I was in so much pain. This pain is called "the suicide disease", (trigeminal neuralgia) and people have killed tehmselves after just a few days without treatment, and I have been sticking it out for a month this time. 
    The receptionist started out with rudeness and interrogation, but as soon as she saw how bad I was hurtng, she softened and said she would get me back ASAP, and she did. Even though the waiting room was full, I was taken ahead of others, and for the first time EVER, I was treated fast and very generously, even though I was alone!  The abuse is usually so bad that this time I laid in bed for 1 month with excruciating pain rather than go to the E.R., then finally I couldn't bear it anymore and I was so dehydrated that even 3 IV bags were not enough to re-hydrate me. I just couldn't bear the thought of trying to defend myself when I am in pain so severe I almost forget my name.
    Last night mom and I both needed to go. We have been trying all night to use every possible method to take care of our problems, because we can't sit in the E.R. for each other, and if we both go in together, (which has happened before), the Dr. ignores us both, thinking we both just want attention and thinking its not possible that both of us can get so sick on the same day. We are trying to call some friends to see if they will go with us, but if no one replies soon, we will both be going in the ambulance. My Dr. is out of town for 6 months and no one else in his clinic will take responsibility for me because of my strong pain meds. Since Dad died, I have only been out to go to the hospital or to send money to my husband overseas. I've been helpless/useless. I hope my Dr. comes back SOON so he can change my medicines so I won't be an almost invalid. I hurt so bad that I rarely remember to get up to drink something so I get dehydrated.
    My husband had a horrible experience yesterday, the stress of which is what has thrown me into terrible pain again.
   Yesterday there was a funeral at the school  just a few houses from my husband's house. (Pak/Afghanistan border area).  A suicide bomber bombed the funeral. 100 were killed, 60 injured. There is blood and flesh and bone fragments and body parts all over the neighborhood, even inside the court yard of my husband's house. The ladies of the house were crying and barfing as they cleaned up body parts. Today my husband helped search for bodies and had to help bury all 100. Thirty of them were friends of my husband that he sees every day in the market or at the mosque. They looked all day for one man, then finally found his leg in my hubby's courtyard, so they just buried that. My husband also injured his foot stepping over exploded rubble to get the bodies out. I'm sure this is the worst day of his life. These people don't know what violence is! They have always been protected and at peace. They are the "Shangri-La" of "Lost Horizon" and other writings.Both versions of the movie were filmed there. They can't bear all of this. They are all going nuts from lack of sleep, no heat or electricity, snow for the first time in 78 years, the price of everything going up 10x because few trucks are willing to ship in food and other necessities, risking their life to go out to work, the kids are kept home from school, hearing the machine guns and bombs 24/7, fearing for their lives every minute, not understanding why all of this is happening because they don't get any info. I have to tell my husband what's going on and who did what from the news articles I get!  Most of them there wish that THEY could die, instead of watching such horrible things and suffering so much. Today my husband is moving to a different house about 1 block farther away from the main market, where the main fighting is constant. They just heard there are 4 more suicide bombings planned, so they are scared. I am not scared of my husband dying because I have seen him protected so many times, but I do fear for his emotional well-being.
    Today is the day we were supposed to have our legal papers sent to our lawyer to help get my husband home. We have to get some copies of paperwork from the courthouse over there, which was bombed, so now we can't get the papers, so I am praying they will be logical and not keep him over there because of these events that are not his fault. They also said if I was too ill to go to court for my husband, or if I got sick during the 3 hour court case, the case would be closed, and he would not be coming here for a LONG time, if ever...again not due to anything he has done. At this point I can understand if it's God's will that he doesn't get to be with me. I am too sick to be the kind of wife he needs. We have not even had our honeymoon yet. He deserves a healthy wife who can give him a good life and help him as much as possible...but I just want him out of the war zone! He is a civilian, doing work for the UK gov't, so he does not get the same rights as the military men get. 
    What an adventurous life I live from my bed, don't I?
     I pray for each of you that I have gotten to know from this blog.

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