Before getting to the hospital, I got a call on my cell phone. I had asked for a refill on my diabetes medicine, and they had to call the Dr. who was on call for my Dr. who is out of the country for 6 months. They called the clinic, and found out that new Dr. only stayed at that clinic for 1 month. I said "well who would fill in for HIM?" They said I would have to find another Dr. I had to go through 17 doctors last time to find one to take me on. So now I don't have a Dr. even for my diabetes.
I really like my alone time! I treasure it...but everyone needs help sometimes, especially with 3 critically ill people in the family, and one that just passed away, and now 2 that are falling apart and can't talk sense.
I got to the hospital late, missed talking to the Dr. and had to leave shortly after getting there. I keep passing out due to the stress making my blood sugar too high. I would take my diabetes medicine, then my blood sugar would go even higher than the dosage of diabetes medicine, and if you take too much you go unconscious too, because of it going too low, so I was of no use to mom and she needs me there, and I keep passing out and it happens so fast I don't have time to get to my diabetes medicine, and now my brother keeps calling me and talking almost as crazy as Mom, and I am trying to keep them both grounded and comforted and positive in between my unconscious periods, then hubby needed me to do proofreading, even when I asked him not to take English projects until further notice because I didn't know when I could do the work...and I passed out while doing that, typing jjjjjjjj for a whole page, over and over. I'm so overwhelmed. I wish God would send me some physical help (friends or church members). I can't do all this
Not when I am not even able to stay conscious. I've been trying to hire someone to help with errands and cooking and cleaning, but no luck. I feel like I am going to fall apart along with my mom and brother. Then where will we all be? In the dementia ward of a nursing home? I didn't know a human could be so tired physically, spiritually, emotionally. I feel like God has ALLOWED Satan to make this as hard as possible and to make me do it all
for 11 years. I am going through the war in Pakistan with my husband because of my deep feelings for him, and going through my own war here as well. He has lots of people around him supporting him all day every day, so it's not as hard. I don't think I can do this
anymore. If Satan wanted to break me, he almost has. I'll just use my favorite saying "I'll lay me down and bleed awhile, then rise and fight again." Please know that this negativity is not just an attitude. It also comes from messed up blood sugar, exhaustion, and unbearable pain.