Saturday, 1 March 2008


Hi all,
   I just had to share with someone a great experience. Went to the E.R. on Monday with my mom as advocate/companion because we get treated nasty here w/o anyone accompanying us. That wore her out. I had to go again on Tuesday. I called 4 people who told me at Dad's funeral that if I needed anything to call them. I wanted someone to go with me. No one was home, mom was too sick to go, so I went alone.
    As I was driving over there, I was silently praying "Lord, WHY do you want me to do this all alone? If there is something I need to learn from it, PLEASE give me a hint so I can learn from it and then attract the kind of help I need, and move on to other lessons. (Trials are just lessons.) I just dreaded facing the wait (they leavev alone patients to the last) and defending myself when I was in so much pain. This pain is called "the suicide disease", (trigeminal neuralgia) and people have killed tehmselves after just a few days without treatment, and I have been sticking it out for a month this time. 
    The receptionist started out with rudeness and interrogation, but as soon as she saw how bad I was hurtng, she softened and said she would get me back ASAP, and she did. Even though the waiting room was full, I was taken ahead of others, and for the first time EVER, I was treated fast and very generously, even though I was alone!  The abuse is usually so bad that this time I laid in bed for 1 month with excruciating pain rather than go to the E.R., then finally I couldn't bear it anymore and I was so dehydrated that even 3 IV bags were not enough to re-hydrate me. I just couldn't bear the thought of trying to defend myself when I am in pain so severe I almost forget my name.
    Last night mom and I both needed to go. We have been trying all night to use every possible method to take care of our problems, because we can't sit in the E.R. for each other, and if we both go in together, (which has happened before), the Dr. ignores us both, thinking we both just want attention and thinking its not possible that both of us can get so sick on the same day. We are trying to call some friends to see if they will go with us, but if no one replies soon, we will both be going in the ambulance. My Dr. is out of town for 6 months and no one else in his clinic will take responsibility for me because of my strong pain meds. Since Dad died, I have only been out to go to the hospital or to send money to my husband overseas. I've been helpless/useless. I hope my Dr. comes back SOON so he can change my medicines so I won't be an almost invalid. I hurt so bad that I rarely remember to get up to drink something so I get dehydrated.
    My husband had a horrible experience yesterday, the stress of which is what has thrown me into terrible pain again.
   Yesterday there was a funeral at the school  just a few houses from my husband's house. (Pak/Afghanistan border area).  A suicide bomber bombed the funeral. 100 were killed, 60 injured. There is blood and flesh and bone fragments and body parts all over the neighborhood, even inside the court yard of my husband's house. The ladies of the house were crying and barfing as they cleaned up body parts. Today my husband helped search for bodies and had to help bury all 100. Thirty of them were friends of my husband that he sees every day in the market or at the mosque. They looked all day for one man, then finally found his leg in my hubby's courtyard, so they just buried that. My husband also injured his foot stepping over exploded rubble to get the bodies out. I'm sure this is the worst day of his life. These people don't know what violence is! They have always been protected and at peace. They are the "Shangri-La" of "Lost Horizon" and other writings.Both versions of the movie were filmed there. They can't bear all of this. They are all going nuts from lack of sleep, no heat or electricity, snow for the first time in 78 years, the price of everything going up 10x because few trucks are willing to ship in food and other necessities, risking their life to go out to work, the kids are kept home from school, hearing the machine guns and bombs 24/7, fearing for their lives every minute, not understanding why all of this is happening because they don't get any info. I have to tell my husband what's going on and who did what from the news articles I get!  Most of them there wish that THEY could die, instead of watching such horrible things and suffering so much. Today my husband is moving to a different house about 1 block farther away from the main market, where the main fighting is constant. They just heard there are 4 more suicide bombings planned, so they are scared. I am not scared of my husband dying because I have seen him protected so many times, but I do fear for his emotional well-being.
    Today is the day we were supposed to have our legal papers sent to our lawyer to help get my husband home. We have to get some copies of paperwork from the courthouse over there, which was bombed, so now we can't get the papers, so I am praying they will be logical and not keep him over there because of these events that are not his fault. They also said if I was too ill to go to court for my husband, or if I got sick during the 3 hour court case, the case would be closed, and he would not be coming here for a LONG time, if ever...again not due to anything he has done. At this point I can understand if it's God's will that he doesn't get to be with me. I am too sick to be the kind of wife he needs. We have not even had our honeymoon yet. He deserves a healthy wife who can give him a good life and help him as much as possible...but I just want him out of the war zone! He is a civilian, doing work for the UK gov't, so he does not get the same rights as the military men get. 
    What an adventurous life I live from my bed, don't I?
     I pray for each of you that I have gotten to know from this blog.


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