Thursday, 31 December 2009





Tuesday, 15 December 2009


Dear Internet Family;
      I wanted to share a song with you that comforted  all night. It is a song for the first step of healing from one of the hardest things that can happen to a person. If you look at the music box on the right side panel, keep clicking the small forward button at the top until you see song #7, and these are the words to the song while you listen to it.  ENJOY ! It's morning now. Time for me to have a nap, time for you to start your day. lol. My life is backwards like an alien. I will add a graphic (picture) to this post ASAP.
Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that
You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away


I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth











Sunday, 13 December 2009


(This is not the man that helped me)

It's -28 Celsius, warmer than it's been all week, but we got 2 feet of heavy, water filled snow in 2 days. The city has a law that within 24 hours of a snow, you must have your sidewalks shoveled, or they will fine you, then warn you again, and if you still don't comply, you spend a weekend in jail and pay the cost of the city shoveling it for you. There has been one little old lady shown in the newspaper smiling, doing her knitting in jail, because she can NOT do her shoveling, and isn't rich enough to pay the fine, so she paid numerous weekends in jail, smiling, knitting. I think after she was featured in the newspaper, many people offered to shovel her walks, and perhaps it made people look around for others who might not be able to shovel either.

Someone came to our door. That was rare. The only visitors we get are deliveries from the drugstore or mailman. It was a young man with a shovel who asked if he could shovel our walks. I said "SURE! How much?" He said "$20 and I'll do all the way around the corner." Well that is a GREAT price since we live on a corner and that's a lot of sidewalk, so I said "Sure, and you are welcome to come back anytime it snows, because we are disabled." He said "SO AM I" as he pulled up his pants leg and revealed a metal, artificial leg!!! "I said "That's amazing that you can do this! I guess it depends on how sick you feel." He said "Well I don't feel sick, so that's why I can do more, and I don't even get a tired leg, now! I also have a rod in my arm and in my back and lots of scars on my face from a car accident. I just can't stand to sit in my apartment. I have to get out." I said "Even at 28 below? Are you sure you're dressed warm enough?" He said "oh yeah, I don't mind the cold. I said "Ok, talk to you soon" and shut the door.

The snow was so heavy, that it was making the branches of our 40 year old pine trees drag down to a 45 degree angle. Last year there were roofs that caved in due to heavy snow. It seems our winters are reverting to be as severe as when I was a child, and we were bundled up in multiple layers of clothes from head to toe, along with boots that went over our shoes. They don't even make those boots anymore, because the snow got so light for about 20+ years, but it looks as if people will be needing those boots again, so maybe they will start making them again.

When this young man was about half way done shoveling, I heated up some hot chocolate, and called his name, and he came to the door. I said "Please, come in and get warm for a minute, here's some hot chocolate." He said "Oh no, I don't want to get your floor wet, but he gulped down the hot chocolate and said "Oh that feels good, I'm ready to go again." I gave him his money and he went back to work. He knocked on the door and asked if he could dig out our car. I said "SURE!" So he did that, and that was hard, because the bulldozer had piled up all the snow from the road right behind our car. I gave him extra money for that.

He makes me smile just to think of a person with an artificial leg, a rod in his arm and in his back, and he's out doing harder work than most healthy people are willing to do. He is not sitting and whining in depression, as he COULD be.

It also showed me that there are really different kinds of disability. He, who has VISIBLE disabilities, can do so much and lead a normal life, whereas people with internal invisible illnesses are often too sick to do anything normally. Their eating, sleeping, activity, nothing they want their body to accomplish works the way they want it to.

So often we see people in wheelchairs or amputees getting awards for all that they accomplish, as an example to others, but those people who are severely ill and WANT to do all those things are shunned and avoided by doctors, family and friends, because "they look just fine!" So therefore they ARE fine, according to those who quickly judge them.

Well that's the most interesting visitor I've ever had...so I just had to share!

My heart still feels like ground meat, and my brain is not working too well yet...it is running in circles about my husband's feelings, and about our separate futures. There are lots of tears and shaking and praying, but STILL I feel the comfort of the Lord and now I am sensing the answers to all the questions that I am asking...so I am blessed, and loved, and protected. How do people live life without the Lord???

We are having our most quiet Christmas ever, with all my Christmas decorations stolen while getting moved from one storage unit to another, and no money to buy more, and no desire to even decorate, with this being the 2nd year without Dad and I'm feeling such a terrible loss, I was expecting my husband to be here this year, I had so many things planned for the whole family, I was SO excited. We will quietly celebrate the birth of our Lord, but without the bright lights and decorations. Maybe I'll get some on sale when they go on sale for 50% off in January.

Bless you all. Each of you is as unique as a snowflake, each friend is a gift from God. I am blessed with so much support. Maybe someday the Lord will reveal why He wants me to do everything alone physically, even though he has sent me precious long distance friends. Thank you for all your prayers and kind words and comments. Forgive me for not being up to replying to each one, but they do mean a lot to me.

Bless you all,

Monday, 7 December 2009


The Lord has wrapped His arms around me,

giving me comfort, insight, emotional strength.

You, my wise earth angels, are the ones who spoke for Him,

as if His words came through you.

How do people survive without Him??


I Am a ' Kept ' Woman!!

You see, there were a few times
when I thought I would lose my mind,
But GOD KEPT me sane.

(Isa. 26:3) Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee:
because he trusteth in thee.

There were times when I thought
I could go no longer,
But the LORD KEPT me moving.

(Gen 28:15) And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.

At times, I've wanted to lash out
at those whom I felt had done me wrong,
But the LORD KEPT my mouth shut..

(Psalms 13:2-3) They speak vanity every one with his neighbour: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak. 3 The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things:

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough,
But GOD has helped me to KEEP the lights on,
the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc..,

(Matt. 6:25 -34) 25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

When I thought I would fall,
HE KEPT me up.
When I thought I was weak,
HE KEPT me strong!

I Pet. 5:7, Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Matt. 11:28-30 28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light

I could go on and on and on,
but I'm sure you hear me!
I'm blessed to be ' KEPT '
Do you know a ' KEPT ' woman?
If so let her know she is ' Kept '.

'I'm "KEPT " by the Love and compassion of the Lord!!!

Sunday, 6 December 2009


I wish the Lord would give me more than 2 hours of sleep a day of He expects me to handle a new crisis every other day!

My new tooth crown just broke off, so Monday or Tuesday I will be getting my 1 week old crowns remade, *4 joined together for strength), which put me in the hospital last week. I am worn down and raw! (No, not my teeth, Me! lol). Praying I don't react to this dentist trip. I was going to call this post "Give me a break", but I already got one! My tooth! lol. Gosh.

Saturday, 5 December 2009

MORE BIG ROCKS, But Earth Angels and Heavenly Angels Lifting Them.

Baptisms, Divorce Research and Walking an unknown path:

Thankyou all for your thoughtful messages. I HAVE FELT YOUR PRAYERS & THE LORD'S COMFORT AND STRENGTH...just not sensing the guidance or answers yet. 
Walking an unknown path
     This feels so alien having the government separate a family. We still love each other, so there's nothing to distance my heart from him; He wasn't killed in the war, but still could be, so no way to finalize that he's gone.  I don't think there's a book on how to deal with loss by corrupt government! I just hope my husband is not so distraught that he stops being careful about avoiding the gunfire from the Taliban or something like that. It does feel like life has stopped when you lose a husband in any way.

    I guess the closest analogy I can think of, is having your child kidnapped...and never knowing if you will see them again or not, and losing all your hopes and dreams and future for them, but not your love for them.

     I know ALL things work for good for those who love the Lord but I just have so many questions, so many losses, so many confirmations that I was SURE was from the Lord, that we WOULD be together. Without His strength and confirmations, I could not have waited this long...and now I even doubt those, since they all came to nothing.
     Even my GOOD news makes me sob today. Yesterday my daughter that has not ever been too excited about religion told me that today her younger son is getting baptized! I WAS CRYING WITH JOY AND WITH THE HEARTBREAK THAT I CAN'T BE THERE WITH HIM! Her older son will be baptized in a month or 2. They are in the USA, I'm in Canada. In Canada, a passport is not a "right", it's more like a privilege or a luxury given only to people who can prove they are so well they won't make medical bills when they travel, and I read there are a number of other restrictions to keep people from getting a passport in Canada, but I can't remember, because the health one is the only one that pertained to me. I haven't seen my daughter or her boys except for a few hours once, since my first husband abandoned us, then couldn't support myself so I had to either be homeless in the states or move back to Canada.   
     Wow, I guess EVERY past loss is coming to the surface this week! It doesn't help that we are in a WEIRD snow blizzard! There is thunder and clouds so dark that at 10 A.M.  people's car lights and street lights were on like early evening!
     To add to the load, I am not sleeping much or eating, and my husband decided to take on one of the biggest translation projects we ever had, (we own an online business together) so I have to do the English proofreading. I'm sure it helps him keep his mind off this mess, but with my health and sobbing and shaking and lack of sleep and food, and Christmas preparations, I really don't need more work right now.
    On Tuesday I go back to the dentist to finish the process of the 4 crowns at once, that put me in the hospital LAST week. I hope I don't end up there again.  That's a lot of things on top of each other.
Divorce Research
    I found a really interesting article about medical research they did that proved that people who had gotten a divorce had a very peculiar changes in their body! It didn't matter if they knew the divorce was coming or not or if it was traumatic for a long time or not. It mentioned symptoms that acted like adrenal burnout, CFS, lupus, MS, and FM, because the symptoms of those are so much alike.

Divorce, the study says, is really bad for your health. Those who were never married or living with a partner did not have these health problems.  In fact, it found that people who suffer marital disruption through either divorce or widowhood or separation due to financial crisis are 20 percent more likely to have chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or cancer than married people. They also have 23 percent more limitations on their mobility, which means they are more likely to have trouble getting around when they get older. By some measures, they are even less likely to be physically or mentally healthy than people who never married at all. (see "Another Good Reason To Stay Married" http://www.newsweek.com/id/208544) That's more confirmation to me of how important it is to work out marriage problems and stay married. Most divorces are based on selfish reasons.  It also explains to me why my 80 year old next door neighbor (never divorced) is so much more energetic and strong than I am. (Of course I have diseases she doesn't have, too, but I  do think divorce, death of a spouse, or separation due to having to seek work elsewhere takes a chunk of life out of you, physically and emotionally.) Of course not all marriages SHOULD be saved. There are very dangerous relationships that are better to get out of. The study assumes that maybe this is another reason why people in the generations before us had so much more strength, drive, energy and less depression. Only a very small percentage of past generations were "damaged" by divorce. Another study showed that the amount of men now dying in their early 50s has jumped astronomically, because they just don't take care of themselves if they become single. In one generation, USA's average life span went from 76 to 69.

If one divorce does these things to a person's body when they are healthy, I don't know how long my damaged body
will handle the effects of another loss of a husband.  What a spot I'm in. I know I will live as long as the Lord wills, because my heart has stopped many times before, and since Canada won't let me get a pacemaker, GOD restarts my heart and HE is my pacemaker, but I will have NO quality of life if I get any worse than I am now.

Ok, I've got to stop that negative
thought with the verse I'm holding onto:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
 plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

Someone on TV said something that was a perfect reminder. (Why do we need reminders? Why can't we just remember everything and recall it when needed?)

They said that most of the fear and negative feelings in the world are due to worrying about the future or grieving about the past, instead of just living for today. Sure,  we should PLAN for the future, but don't fear it or worry about it, because God has promised to give us what we need for that day. Not always what we want, but what we need. Not worrying about the future is easy to say, hard to do. It's a gospel principle!

     Matt: 6:34 "So do not worry or be anxious about
     tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and 
     anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is 
     its own trouble."

     Well I'd better TRY to take a 1 hour nap and get back to work. Thanks again for your comments and prayers. THEY DO HELP! CAN Someone tell me when you can get through an hour without sobbing about the loss?

Love, Sheila

Friday, 4 December 2009


Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you"
declares the Lord,
"Plans to prosper you
and not to harm you.
plans to give you hope and a future."

No, I have not lost my husband to death (yet), but we have been devastated. THE GOV'T TOOK AWAY MY HUSBAND...and took his wife from him, and took our marriage, and our chance to be together.

I am trying to rest in the scripture verse in the picture above, but I am not feeling it strongly yet. I do feel the Lord's peace and comfort, but I am not sensing a lot of guidance like I usually do.

No one will need to ask about when my husband is coming anymore. He probably won't be coming. That will probably be a relief for all my friends.

I have pretty much just had my husband taken away from me. The Canadian government first promised to get him home to me within 8 months. Now it has been 6 years.

He was finally approved in April, and we were told "Any day now, you will get all the papers necessary." He is not a citizen of Canada, and because of their delays, and their torment and forcing us to repeat sending the same work 5 times, now they are saying that he has to start all over again, to get the right to come to Canada.

The embassy said that if we (or anyone else, meaning government leaders, lawyers, or even the Prime Minister) tries to write to the Canadian Embassy about us for any reason (for example to ask why they want it all again, or to tell them he has already been approved...or to tell them they HAVE all those documents, sent FIVE TIMES IN 6 YEARS)...that they do not have to respond to any letters about our case for 9 months. Their time estimates are always a lie. Every time they give us a time schedule, we have to at least double it. This means that pursuing my husband and I getting together could literally become a never-ending process.

Since I am the one required to do all the paperwork and talking to government leaders and going to court; and I have been getting sicker and sicker from the stress, I don't think my body will survive doing it again for years and years and years.

The embassy also said they will process our papers within 9 months AFTER we give them everything they ask for, so this could easily turn into 2-4 more years. They could keep this process going until it finally kills me, and the process would still not be done. They could keep me busy full time, making my heart failure worse and worse, so that if my husband is ever approved to be with me, he would have a complete invalid for a wife, or I could die shortly after he gets here; leaving him alone in a strange culture.

My husband, my future, my hope, my reason for living, gone. I am in mourning. All my work, worthless. Loss of health, all in vain now. All our hopes and dreams for the future, all our love, will never happen. I have drawers full of things I bought for him throughout the years for when he gets here. I can't even look at them now.

My options are, I can either work myself to death and they still might not be finished the process, or I can let my husband go and have a life, with a wife and children, which he deserves. Neither of those choices will bring peace. We are just distraught and heartbroken. I am not alone in this suffering, but it doesn't ease the pain. If you go to
www.notcanada.com you will see tens of thousands of people who the Canadian government has destroyed their lives and their families and some even died from the stress; and immigration didn't care. Not just immigrants, but also people who were here but not yet citizens, who left the country for a while...or who were kept out of the country by Canada themselves, for no reason! HOW can a government stop processing a visa or take away the right to a visa after a JUDGE has already approved it??? I KNOW it must be against the law, but not even the Prime Minister himself can talk to the Embassy about it, because they have stated they will not answer ANY questions about our case for 9 months! If we get government leaders to confront them about it, they can make life harder for us than we ever imagined.

DO THEY WANT BRIBERY? Maybe in that area it is not against the law, I would bribe them for my husband; but they never sign a name or give me any idea who to talk to in order to know who to contact.

I wish I could sue the gov't for pain and suffering and fees and lying to us again and again and lawyer's fees and medical bills for procedures we will both need from stress induced illness.

We are mentally, spiritually and emotionally devastated, hurt and confused despite our love and trust in God through every step. This letter really turned our world upside down. Our minds and hearts and even our faith is spinning!

We know there have been many people in love in history that were not allowed to be together due to world politics...we just didn't think it would happen in this day and age. We have trusted God completely through this and given Him credit for every little advancement and achievement. We received his guidance, comfort and strength whenever we had fears, and we had spiritual experiences telling us we had a purpose for being together...but now we are wondering if this is God's plan, or an evil corrupt government's interference with what God wants. Since God hates divorce, he probably is NOT happy with what the government is doing to so many families.

If it is God's work, then we are no longer supposed to be together, but how could we have mistaken all the spiritual experiences and guidance from the Holy Spirit, and comfort and strength we got, that helped us through all the lies and delays and repeated demands for paperwork?

If it is the government's work, isn't God more powerful than a government? It's all so confusing....the only thing I can come up with is that the government delayed our reunion for so long, that I am no longer able to be a wife or no longer able to complete what my husband and I were supposed to complete together. Maybe there would only be misery and hardship for both of us.

BUT MISERY IS NOT HOW I IMAGINED OUR MARRIAGE AT ALL! I have lists of things I wanted to show him and fun things I wanted to experience with him and places to take him! I smile to even think of his smile when he would experience something new here.

You can't imagine how it tore me up to tell him that he would not be betraying me if he got remarried. He needs a wife and children. He has not had that yet. I have. You can't imagine how it tore HIM up to hear it...that after 6 years of sacrifice and worry for each other's life, after love as strong as the most loving couples in history...that he may have to move on and try to make a new life.

He is so deeply loving...I am so afraid he will think of suicide. I wish I could sue immigration for murder...his and mine. Mine from heart failure from their stress, and possibly his either from war or suicide or other stress related illnesses.

We have often talked about and researched other countries that maybe we could move to together, but due to lack of money, the time it would take to immigrate to another country, and my lack of strength to even sit up for 2 or 3 hours, that's not a possibility.

The torment has lasted too long. First torment of wondering when and if he will survive the war; my husband's torment whenever my life was in danger health wise; worrying when and if he will get here, when and if the government will follow through with their promises, and if I can be a good wife, or if I would make his life miserable by living with a sick wife, and now it continues with the torment of losing my husband. I just want to "go home".

In ancient times, certain criminals were punished by laying them on the ground, putting an old door on top of them, then putting really large stones on top of the door until the person was crushed to death. For the past many years, and especially since you have known me through my blog, you have been with me to help me bear each of the stones being put on the door with me underneath it. I think this is one of the biggest stones in my life. Losing my first husband without any clue that we had a problem, then having to leave my children in the USA while I moved to Canada, were the stones that did the most damage. I think most of us have many crises (multiple) that are like these stones, and yet we do not get the mercy of death; we are expected to even keep smiling and not yell out in pain, and not complain to others about it, and to continue life as if there is nothing wrong.

Well, now I am "crushed". I don't have the strength to put on any acts anymore. I would not have gotten this far without the help of our loving Savior and Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit and whatever angels that were sent. I'm sure life WILL go on. I will keep waking up the next day. I have learned this through every life changing event, but I have not been able to pull myself out of the depression. I HOPE I will feel differently soon, but today, when this shock is so new, it feels as if I am just waiting to finish my time on this earth.

It is said that ALL things work for good for those who love the Lord, and I always saw that come true, so now I have to have faith that it is STILL true. There is a purpose for this letter...it's just a very tough decision whether to keep going on this same path of abuse by immigration, or to move on and try to make a life for ourselves.

This marriage has had enough suspense, romance, war, espionage,
and drama to make 3 James Bond movies, or a novel as huge as
"War and Peace". Too bad I don't have the strength to write it.

Thank you my loving gifts from God, my spiritual friends, for being my earth angels and strengthening me through all of the heavy stones placed upon me.
Bless you all, Sheila

Saturday, 28 November 2009

A Post You Might Have Missed

I started a post many days ago, and just finished it and posted it, but it posted below 2 of my most recent posts instead of here at the top. It's called OUTCASTS, if you would like to read it. Meanwhile I have ANOTHER draft that I am trying to figure out how to make it show up at the top of all these posts instead of pages down, like the other one. Does anyone know how to do that?
If you find my print is too small, hold down the ctrl button on your keyboard, then click the left mouse button ONCE anywhere in the post, then roll your scrolling button on your mouse (if you have one) while holding down ctrl, and the font will get bigger or smaller for you! This works on most web pages, if you have trouble with small print.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

In Hospital

OH MY GOODNESS! Just now, Nov 27, I realized this post from when I was in the hospital did not post to my blog! Reposting now.

Texting from cell.11.24.09

I'm in the hospital. Dentist decided to crown 4 teeth all in one sitting, which caused reactions to the multiple chemicals they used for taking mold shape of teeth, cement, then varnish on the new crowns. I had a lot of bleeding, and the rubber gadget to hold my jaw open for 3.5 hours caused a trigeminal neuralgia attack. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigeminal_neuralgia) When I got to the hospital, I was asked why a dentist would do 4 crowns in one day! That's too much for even strong healthy people, much less someone with trigeminal neuralgia and heart problems and chemical sensitivities. I told the nurse I didn't know why, I didn't know I had a choice. Maybe the dentist did it so I wouldn't have to go through it 4 separate times.

I am just so thankful to have some whiter, prettier front teeth. I wanted whiter teeth since they grew in gray. Now they became so soft from lupus and diabetes, that they would have fallen apart without replacement. I am one of the VERY rare people to get white crowns paid for by gov't. How odd that they would pay for white teeth crowns but not a pacemaker to keep my heart going. Oh well, my Heavenly Father" keeps my heart going, so He is my "pacemaker", without all the suffering involved with getting a pacemaker put into my chest.

Bless you all



It's now the 26th, and I had a few complications, they sent me home sicker than when I went in. Now I'll have nice white teethe when hubby gets home! I sure wish I knew someone in gov't who would help me. I talked to a friend who used to be a lawyer here, and he has seen so many requests of different types go to gov't and sit on desks for up to 22 years, until the applicant called someone they knew in gov't, then it was found and taken care of in days. I'm ready to bribe someone in the area where my husband is, if i thought it would work. Its not against the law there (yet) to bribe. Might be unethical though. I need to just be patient and wait on the Lord, because He has important reasons for this delay. These delays are wearing us down. Sometimes I think there will be nothing left of my health by the time my husband gets here. I think of so many hundreds of possible reasons for the delay that I make myself sicker.

I hope you Americans had a day of counting blessings!

Bless you all;


Friday, 20 November 2009


Posting this for a new friend of mine:

Disease is a pathological condition of an organ or system of an organism, which results from various cases, and categorized by a vast group of symptoms. Presently, the World Health Organization distinguishes 14,199* diseases worldwide. Each year, millions of individuals are diagnosed with diseases. With 1 and 4 individuals becoming affected each year, it is important to become educated and to be aware on the diseases; their symptoms; and their treatments.

Here at Disease.com, we establish an overview on several different diseases (e.g. Lyme, Heart, Crohn's, Alzheimer's, HIV/AIDS), a proven list of treatments, and a concise notice of preventions. Stop, asking questions, and start living a healthier life!"

Thank you,


Thursday, 19 November 2009


Wednesday, 18 November 2009


Why are the sick treated like they are sinning?

My mother and I had a very hurtful thing happen. The church that my parents helped to establish, and helped to keep going, with multiple jobs for over 50 years, soon became the church to avoid us when we couldn't get to church anymore. Probably because they don't know what to say to us or what to do for us, and I know that every household has their own set of crisises right now, so there is less time and energy to reach out to others. We have accepted this isolation from them, though we continue to get closer to God even without being able to go to church. A large percentage of people living here are people that I have known all my life, so it's not that we are strangers here.
What hurt is this: The new phone directory of the church was printed, and WE ARE NOT EVEN LISTED AS CHURCH MEMBERS!!! It's as if we have been excommunicated or something. I know we haven't, but it feels like it. I know this does not mean we are not members of the LORD'S church or family, and that He knows us more intimately than the church does, but it just hurt us to be deleted from the church we so actively served all our lives.

Christians are supposed to look out for the sick and the widowed, and just care for each other in general! It seems as if being chronically ill is a "sin" in the eyes of most average Christians. The Dalai Lama said about Christians "I like very much their Christ, but His people are so unlike Him!" That's sad if that's how the world sees us. I heard another quote that said "Christians are the only group that punish their sick before offering help." I have seen instances of this. Telling a sick person that they just don't have enough faith, they don't pray enough, they must be sinning, they must have a demon, they are just not thinking positively enough, etc. etc. and then when the sick person has explained things to each person a hundred times, THEN they MIGHT offer a minimal amount of help. I think the Lord is very sad with how "HIS CHOSEN PEOPLE" in general, are acting. Of course not every Christian fits this description, but it is rare to find very compassionate, unselfish, giving people these days.

Every support group I belong to, I hear the painful story of isolation and insults and misunderstanding from family members and friends and church members. I understand that no one can understand what another's pain feels like, but it is evil to tell people they have no pain; that they are faking or lazy; that it's not possible for them to be sick, or THAT THEY CAUSED IT THEMSELVES! That is a NEW AGE belief that is creeping into many churches. It's natural that people want to find a reason, someone or something to blame, but about blame for illness, Jesus himself taught:
John 9:1-3 " 1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that
he was born blind?
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works
of God should be made manifest in him.

The truth is...average people stop caring if you are not well after 2-3 weeks. When you have a surgery or a baby, or a death in the family, the questions of "How are you doing?" come at first, then a couple of dishes of food, and after that, they don't want to deal with you anymore. You should be cured of ANYTHING within 2 weeks. (In North America this seems to be the habit or culture, anyway. Maybe other countries are different.)
I know they are not all hard-hearted people. These are the last days. Everyone has multiple crisis in their home, and limited time and strength, so they are just trying to keep their head above water and keep surviving and have little time or strength to give to others. Its just a frustrating situation. There is also a scripture that says in the last days, love for each other will change, grow cold, become unnatural. Matthew 24:12 & Romans 1:31 & 2 Timothy 3:1-4.
I no longer believe "what goes around comes around". I see some big hearted people give and give and give all their lives, and when they finally need help, it doesn't come. Life is not fair. "What goes around comes around" would mean there is fairness in the world. Our family gave thousands of hours to serve others during the past 50 years, and yet we can not find anyone to even help mop up when we were flooded, or help to move boxes, etc. or spend an hour or so with me occasionally to help prepare my house for my husband's homecoming, or get someone to go to the emergency room with us.
Our church has a program where 2 people are sort of "assigned" to check on you once a month and report any problems to the leadership. They say "Is there anything you need?" We always say no, because each time we have said "yes", those people stopped calling or coming over. The last one was when I was in the hospital and I just needed the lady to pick up my hospital suitcase from my mom and bring it to the hospital. It was just before Christmas, so I thought they would be a bit more in the charity mood, but I never heard from her again.
I bet the Christians outside of North America help each other like family, don't they? They check on each other to see if they are alive, don't they? Maybe the churches in advanced countries are different than in third world countries. They seem almost spiritually dead here. Very little service, few people who feel and celebrate the gift of the Holy Spirit, and those who DO feel the Holy Spirit, use it only for their own benefit, not to help others or to create the miracles that the Lord told us to do. "For you shall do greater works than you have seen me do here." John 14:12
Right now I am preparing another post about a church I am friends with, across the world, in India. THEY do the TRUE work of the Lord, with the orphans, widows, lepers, sick, poor, etc. In the "advanced" countries, you probably would almost never see the old traditional sects open their doors to people who are so poor that their children are naked, or can't afford shoes, or to homeless people with dirty clothes, or drunks or addicts or those with leprosy or AIDS. That might "defile" their nice clean church building. Churches that don't serve, are "hearers of the word, not doers", James 1:22 and the Lord says that "faith without works is dead." James 2:26
People seem to have forgotten the joy of helping others. They don't understand that helping others has a built in reward! You feel GREAT when you can help others! The majority of member of churches like these are the people who think they are going to heaven, yet the Lord will say "I am sorry, I never knew thee." Matthew 7:23

Belonging to a church is not just for our own benefit. It is to serve others, which is the Lord's main commandment. We are supposed to be like HIM, and serve others. He said:
"The first commandment is to Love God with all your heart, soul and mind,
and the second commandment is like unto it, love your neighbor as you love
THE PROPHETS!" Matthew 22:36-40
What is the test of a Christ-like church? A TRUE church of Christ? "By this shall men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:35

I called the church leadership and asked them why our names were not on the membership phone list. I was told that they decided to only put the names on there of people who regularly attended. So if the Lord were to inspire them to call someone who needed companionship, or who were too ill to go to church, or who might need some spiritual guidance, now they can't even call those people, because their names are not on the list. If a person was thinking "I want to do something for someone in the church that needs something. Let me look through that membership list"....well, those who need love and help the most from the church are not on that list, so they will not be reached through inspirations like that.
I shared these concerns with the church leaders, and they had not thought of those things, but said they would not change it or make a new list for about 2 more years. I wonder what the Savior thinks about that list of "only regular attending members"....leaving out everyone else. And how often do you have to attend to be considered "regular"? What if you missed half the meetings due to illness? Are they also left out of the circle of "regular attendees"? Its just like a stab in the spirit, but I know it is from imperfect people, it is not from my loving Savior...who is with me always. Sometimes we need an "angel with skin"....a person willing to do the Lord's work.
So now, we feel like outcasts from an "organization",

but I am sure we are not outcasts

from the Lord's heart.

How Long Do I Have to Live With This Illness, Lord?

I am revising this a little bit. People are getting the impression that I am the one asking this question. I am not. I know how long I have to live with it, and I know the Lord's help will always be with me. I named the post that title to promote an article of the same name, to be found here:
Click below: How Long Do I Have to Live With This Illness, Lord? ...In order to help others who might be having these thoughts and questions.

I guess I should have put ONLY that article in a blog with that title, but decided to update people about my life at the same time.

The day started out nicely, I was given the award you see in the upper right hand corner, from http://www.disease.com/ website, which if you look at it, is impressive!

I'm struggling again. I have a condition that even put my heart Dr. in the hospital, but I stay home and suffer, unable to get myself a drink of water, and very hard to even sit up or roll over. You can read about it here: http://tinyurl.com/costo-fibro . It's called costochondritis and even morphine is not taking care of the pain. I'm not patient with myself when I have to be stuck in bed. I'D RATHER BE CLEANING or walking outside or ANYTHING! I'd rather clean toilets than just lay here...but I am so VERY grateful to have the Internet here at my fingertips. Friends, knowledge, ability to teach and encourage, even when I can barely speak.

I am over-thinking these delays about my husband, and every possible idea in heaven and earth goes through my mind, again and again. I wish I could sue the gov't for pain and suffering and torment. I know it will happen in the Lord's perfect time, but I am just a human, I can't see His purpose or His plan, so I wonder! I wonder if there's something I should be doing to change it all, or not. I think of:

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Yesterday a friend in India suggested that I contact some foreign consulates in Canada, from the areas that he is working in, and see if they would be willing to help us get my husband home, more than my own gov't is helping. It doesn't hurt to ask. At least it's something we can do to and not just sit, waiting.
Since their consulate in his area kicked up such a complaint about losing such an honorable and good translator, and not being able to find another like him, I sometimes wonder if they are purposely waiting for Mom and I to pass away, so they won't have to let him come here. His family is not here, so he would probably stay where he is if he didn't have us. They have already waited for my father to pass away.
Oh well, when I can breathe better and move better and get more active and get some fresh air, everything will seem less intense. Satan works on you when you are down. This too shall pass.
Every few days lupus causes a different problem, so it never seems to end, but one quote has made me feel better about the fact that I will have pain like this maybe for 40 -50 years.

"Perseverance is not a long race: it is many short races, one after another."

~~Walter Elliot

So if I just persevere through each short-lived malady, then onto the next, eventually I will make it to the end of my race here on earth...the human race. lol. The Lord promises to help us through everything that may come into our lives.

Bless you all...Sheila

Friday, 13 November 2009

God's Cake

God's Cake

-author unknown

"Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.

"Yuck" says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart."

The trials and experiences of our lives will create a beautiful cake in eternal life.


Saturday, 31 October 2009


There has always been a question whether God's obedient people should observe Halloween or not. Now that my children are grown, I don't observe it. I'm not a big fan of evil scary stuff or scary movies; but when my kids were growing up, it seemed cruel to make them stay home doing nothing when everyone else was getting candy, so I set some rules. No evil or scary costumes or decorations or movies, and we go with them from door to door, and when they were too big to go door to door, they could have a small party if the friends also didn't have evil costumes and there were no evil decorations, only cute Halloween/fall stuff. We had quite a bit of fun doing it that way.

I hoped so much that my husband would be here tonight, able to see the adorable children in their costumes at the door, asking for candy. I get angry at the government for every occasion and special day that I miss without him. It's almost a mourning feeling as if he has been taken away from me. I was promised by the government in the Spring of this year that he would be home before our wedding anniversary which comes in 2 weeks. 4 years. I am now not even sure if he will be here for Christmas. I am drained, always being on the edge of my seat waiting for notification of when my life with him will begin.

I called my lawyer and every government agency I could think of this week, trying to find out where to begin to find someone in the Canadian Embassy, who will search for his paperwork to see if it's lost or what the delay was, since we have passed three dates that we were promised he would be here.

I know that for years I have been being taught that all delays have a purpose, but still I am impatient.

I had 3 boxes of files that I brought home to sort through, and yesterday was like a living nightmare while I was still awake. I was reliving every crisis I had ever gone through while living in the USA. Loss of my husband, home, kids, papers from car accidents, letters insulting me from doctors, medical records, bankruptcy, refusal letter from disability, notes from my daughter's various traumas, disagreement with my bishop, daughter's suicide attempt, her divorce, all the important documents I had to keep for future reference. Well I have no use for those papers now, thank goodness, so they are trashed and I never have to look at them again. I was so exhausted after that, I think I slept for 4 hours before I could get up and get Mom something to eat.

The wind is 100 kilometers per hour yesterday and today...not great for little children with costumes!! Wind also causes positive ions to mess with people's moods, so in areas where there is a lot of wind, you find a lot of alcoholism. Maybe the wind intensified the emotions I felt from that file.

I still have a whole box of files to go through. Pictures of my ex's family, my ex, papers he might want/need, records from my children's education and life that I need to send to them, and I miss them so much, I have only them once since I left USA 11 years ago, so each file is full of tears for me.

Even though I almost live in bed, my life is never boring!

OK...now some GOOD news...GOD DOES PROVIDE! I got an unexpected check in the mail from the government. They said they owed me some money, it was almost $200, so that helped a lot.
I found out that every time I use my debit card, I was collecting points that I could trade in for things in a gift book that they offer. I have been collecting points for 10 years, so I now have enough points to pay for either the hotel room for a week for the honeymoon, or for part of hubby's flight here! That has replaced the honeymoon savings I lost during the move!!
So I know God is watching out for me/us and providing for us.

Despite the stress, there are many blessings to count. Or as my favorite reading states,

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Here is the whole reading.


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe.

No less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.


Friday, 23 October 2009

What Your Prayers Have Done

"It is no secret what God can do,
What he's done for others, He'll do for you
With arms wide open, He'll strengthen you...
It is not secret what God can do"
-Hymn "It is no secret"

Thanks for your prayers!!! They are carrying me! HE is carrying me!



Hello my loving, faithful friends;

I KNOW your prayers are working. I can feel it when I know I am being prayed for. After 4 hours of heavy lifting and sorting (which was so emotional and stressful that it made the pain worse) for 2 days in a row, I was laid out flat for 3 days, then ready to go again. From experience, I know that exhaustion of that type takes me a couple of weeks to recover from.
After the work, I was having such a hard time breathing, and so much pain, and dripping wet with sweat even though it is snowy here, I considered going to the E.R. but was too tired to even deal with their questions and procedures so decided to just go home and get on my oxygen and get my pain meds and go to bed. When I got in the car, the battery was dead. I am thankful for cell phones just for those moments. I am thankful we have a membership to CAA, the Canadian Auto Association, which helps you in times like that, so I called them and a tow truck was sent to give me a jump start. The moment the truck drove off, my car died again, but this time the phone was almost dead, and I didn't have the strength to walk to a place that had a phone, so I just cried in exhaustion and prayed that the phone could work long enough to get help again. I opened the phone, and it DID work long enough to get the tow truck back. Hey! When I broke my toe 10 days ago or whenever it was, I could have used a TOE truck! HAHAHA!!
He gave me another jump start, and I prayed I'd get home without it stopping again. I did. Then my brother took the battery in to see if it could be recharged, and the meter showed it was so completely dead, it should not have been able to be jump started. It should not have gotten me home! Little blessings/miracles rain from heaven.
"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. "
Proverbs 3:6

I went to move again yesterday, but since there was only 1 lady helping, I had to do much more lifting, carrying, etc. so I only lasted 1.5 hours, and had to come home and get my oxygen before I could help unload the truck. I haven't been to sleep yet, 24 hours later, due to pain, but I'm sure I will be ok tomorrow and ready to take care of the last load.

I am glad it's done, because every month for 10 years I wanted that sorted and cleaned, but with no help, and with debilitating illness, nothing gets done except the bare necessities for survival for each day, so it got postponed, especially since 8 months here are winter, and too cold to sit there and sort and walk through the mud to move things to a truck. I am just sad that I had to get rid of much more than I thought. I have lost things before due to theft and flood and fire, and this feels the same, but I am thankful for all I was able to keep as well. Its really frustrating that I have to pay so much for a place to keep the things that don't fit into my bedroom. Maybe someday soon we can buy a home with a garage or lots of storage space in it. Then we won't deal with any landlords!

There are some people who read my blog who asked me to share more about what living with lupus/fibromyalgia and more, is really like each day...it's hard for me to list my symptoms each day because to me it sounds like whining, but maybe this post will give those people an idea of how we can do something one day, but not another day, and if we do any activity, we pay for it dearly, and though we LOOK fine, we really are limited. It's a frustrating, invisible disease, and the disbelief of the people in our lives is often harder to deal with than the illness itself. It is a very private battle. The spouse soon has to help so much that you could say that lupus is also HIS disease, because it affects his every decision and action as much as the person who has it...but there are so many things you learn from illness, that if I had to give up what I've learned to be well, I wouldn't trade that. I am writing a post about all that can be gained from suffering. I will post it ASAP.

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