Saturday, 5 December 2009

MORE BIG ROCKS, But Earth Angels and Heavenly Angels Lifting Them.

Baptisms, Divorce Research and Walking an unknown path:

Thankyou all for your thoughtful messages. I HAVE FELT YOUR PRAYERS & THE LORD'S COMFORT AND STRENGTH...just not sensing the guidance or answers yet. 
Walking an unknown path
     This feels so alien having the government separate a family. We still love each other, so there's nothing to distance my heart from him; He wasn't killed in the war, but still could be, so no way to finalize that he's gone.  I don't think there's a book on how to deal with loss by corrupt government! I just hope my husband is not so distraught that he stops being careful about avoiding the gunfire from the Taliban or something like that. It does feel like life has stopped when you lose a husband in any way.

    I guess the closest analogy I can think of, is having your child kidnapped...and never knowing if you will see them again or not, and losing all your hopes and dreams and future for them, but not your love for them.

     I know ALL things work for good for those who love the Lord but I just have so many questions, so many losses, so many confirmations that I was SURE was from the Lord, that we WOULD be together. Without His strength and confirmations, I could not have waited this long...and now I even doubt those, since they all came to nothing.
     Even my GOOD news makes me sob today. Yesterday my daughter that has not ever been too excited about religion told me that today her younger son is getting baptized! I WAS CRYING WITH JOY AND WITH THE HEARTBREAK THAT I CAN'T BE THERE WITH HIM! Her older son will be baptized in a month or 2. They are in the USA, I'm in Canada. In Canada, a passport is not a "right", it's more like a privilege or a luxury given only to people who can prove they are so well they won't make medical bills when they travel, and I read there are a number of other restrictions to keep people from getting a passport in Canada, but I can't remember, because the health one is the only one that pertained to me. I haven't seen my daughter or her boys except for a few hours once, since my first husband abandoned us, then couldn't support myself so I had to either be homeless in the states or move back to Canada.   
     Wow, I guess EVERY past loss is coming to the surface this week! It doesn't help that we are in a WEIRD snow blizzard! There is thunder and clouds so dark that at 10 A.M.  people's car lights and street lights were on like early evening!
     To add to the load, I am not sleeping much or eating, and my husband decided to take on one of the biggest translation projects we ever had, (we own an online business together) so I have to do the English proofreading. I'm sure it helps him keep his mind off this mess, but with my health and sobbing and shaking and lack of sleep and food, and Christmas preparations, I really don't need more work right now.
    On Tuesday I go back to the dentist to finish the process of the 4 crowns at once, that put me in the hospital LAST week. I hope I don't end up there again.  That's a lot of things on top of each other.
Divorce Research
    I found a really interesting article about medical research they did that proved that people who had gotten a divorce had a very peculiar changes in their body! It didn't matter if they knew the divorce was coming or not or if it was traumatic for a long time or not. It mentioned symptoms that acted like adrenal burnout, CFS, lupus, MS, and FM, because the symptoms of those are so much alike.

Divorce, the study says, is really bad for your health. Those who were never married or living with a partner did not have these health problems.  In fact, it found that people who suffer marital disruption through either divorce or widowhood or separation due to financial crisis are 20 percent more likely to have chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or cancer than married people. They also have 23 percent more limitations on their mobility, which means they are more likely to have trouble getting around when they get older. By some measures, they are even less likely to be physically or mentally healthy than people who never married at all. (see "Another Good Reason To Stay Married" http://www.newsweek.com/id/208544) That's more confirmation to me of how important it is to work out marriage problems and stay married. Most divorces are based on selfish reasons.  It also explains to me why my 80 year old next door neighbor (never divorced) is so much more energetic and strong than I am. (Of course I have diseases she doesn't have, too, but I  do think divorce, death of a spouse, or separation due to having to seek work elsewhere takes a chunk of life out of you, physically and emotionally.) Of course not all marriages SHOULD be saved. There are very dangerous relationships that are better to get out of. The study assumes that maybe this is another reason why people in the generations before us had so much more strength, drive, energy and less depression. Only a very small percentage of past generations were "damaged" by divorce. Another study showed that the amount of men now dying in their early 50s has jumped astronomically, because they just don't take care of themselves if they become single. In one generation, USA's average life span went from 76 to 69.

If one divorce does these things to a person's body when they are healthy, I don't know how long my damaged body
will handle the effects of another loss of a husband.  What a spot I'm in. I know I will live as long as the Lord wills, because my heart has stopped many times before, and since Canada won't let me get a pacemaker, GOD restarts my heart and HE is my pacemaker, but I will have NO quality of life if I get any worse than I am now.

Ok, I've got to stop that negative
thought with the verse I'm holding onto:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
 plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

Someone on TV said something that was a perfect reminder. (Why do we need reminders? Why can't we just remember everything and recall it when needed?)

They said that most of the fear and negative feelings in the world are due to worrying about the future or grieving about the past, instead of just living for today. Sure,  we should PLAN for the future, but don't fear it or worry about it, because God has promised to give us what we need for that day. Not always what we want, but what we need. Not worrying about the future is easy to say, hard to do. It's a gospel principle!

     Matt: 6:34 "So do not worry or be anxious about
     tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and 
     anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is 
     its own trouble."

     Well I'd better TRY to take a 1 hour nap and get back to work. Thanks again for your comments and prayers. THEY DO HELP! CAN Someone tell me when you can get through an hour without sobbing about the loss?

Love, Sheila


I'll continue my prayers for you.
You are not alone. Though it definitely feels like that most of the time. Life is really not easy. Some people have it worse.
May God have mercy on your plight and hear your call soon. *hugs*

Thanks tuti for the prayer. I know I am not the only one suffering and I know life is not meant to be easy and I know some people have it worse then I do. I am very thankful for my many blessings, but there are times that are unbearable. If a person is in bed with 2broken legs and it's unbearable, and the nurse says "You're fine! The guy next door has 2 broken legs and a broken nose!" Does that make the pain of my 2 broken legs any less? Not really, but yes, I realize I am not the most suffering person in the world. If you are trying to give the hint that you are suffering too so I should just shut up, I am sorry for your suffering, and will continue to pray for you as well, and you are not forced to read about my problems or leave a message if you are not in the mood to.

HI Sheila-

I am glad to catch up with you here on your blog. Of course I am not "glad" to read of all the devastation that you continue to go through. THROUGH.

Crying is a good way to get it out - so cry and then take beaks and work on the translation. I know God will help you and besides as you work on the translation you are touching your husband even though far apart and you are building a life as you do this that will all come together once you are together.

Pain is pain. Yes - easy to say others are also suffering and it could be more than what we are suffering. I think we are in pain and for us our pain is all we can handle - I do not believe in comparing "pains" or life conditions or putting some kind of rating system on them.

God loves us all equally and He will help us all equally.

You are tired and drained. It is easier to doubt when we are so drained. Confusion is not from the Lord - but the government and the "world" and the enemy will do their best to rob us of our hope. So hand onto Jeremiah and also my other favorite verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart - lean not on your own understanding..."

And for sure all that you are going through is beyond our human understanding.

I stand with you, Sheila and I believe with you - Amen.

Love ya' , sister!


Oh Lynn----how inspired you are. You told me exactly what I needed to hear at the right moment!! You're right, confusion is not of God, so if I am totally confused about one decision, its not the right decision yet. You're right, I am just tired and working overtime through all this mess. I need to figure out how to get some sleep.
Praying for you, sis-angel!

hi sweetheart, no worries.
i re-read what i wrote. it could have been easily misconstrued, and i don't blame you one bit.

i will never never put another person down when he/she is already in the worse throes of sufferings.
i hear you.
and i love you even more. for you are real. you don't hate behind words, sweet sheila, and i appreciate you all the more for it.

I marvel at the amount of research you are capable of doing but your penchant for holding on to human wisdom and statistics may hinder the work of faith in your life. You know, our minds condition our physical, emotional and mental bodies so much so that what we believe in has a tremendous effect on how we become. Yes, we hold on to God's promises and we say we believe in it, but at the back of our minds, we seek some sort of confirmation from human knowledge and past experiences. Could you just imagine if Mary would have said that's impossible to the angel since she knew that it was impossible to get pregnant if a woman has no sexual contact with a male. Or if Moses would have said it was impossible for the Israelites to walk across the Red Sea since it was scientifically impossible. See what Naaman, the Syrian commander with leprosy, did when told by Elisha to wash seven times in the river Jordan for his leprosy to be cleansed. He left Israel and went back to Assyria because he thought it very absurd to even consider what Elisha prescribed. It took the prodding of the Jewish slave girl for him to go back and wash himself seven times in the river Jordan where he was eventually cured. Consider also the woman who had a bleeding disorder for 12 years and who told herself that she would be cured if she but just touch the hem of Jesus cloth. She did and was healed and Jesus felt power going out of Him. Whenever I am confronted with a crisis, I don't rationalize or dig deep in my mind for past experiences. I just open up my life to God for Him to do as He please. Please don't get me wrong. I know God is using you for His own purpose but I also feel that you are dependent so much on human intervention in your life. I honestly feel that you should let God work out everything in your life. The Holy Spirit will lead you to the actions you must take to carry out God's purpose in your life. I am doing just that in my life. I stop analyzing what's happening to me and I just let God have a free rein in my life. I live and die by the grace of God. I'm sorry if in someway I may have rubbed you wrong but I am just concerned about your situation. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Thanks for the post. God bless you always.

Mel, I am glad you were inspired to express yourself to me about these things. they are matters I never thought of before, and they are worth consideration! I will read this regularly and try to learn from it to the fullest extent.
Blessings, Sheila

Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home