Thursday, 31 December 2009
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms
I was sure by now,God, that
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
Posted by Bluebirdy at 08:18
ESPECIALLY MAILMEN AND DELIVERY PEOPLE!
Posted by Bluebirdy at 04:08
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Posted by Bluebirdy at 16:25
Monday, 7 December 2009
But the LORD KEPT me moving.
(Gen 28:15) And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.
Posted by Bluebirdy at 16:56
Sunday, 6 December 2009
I wish the Lord would give me more than 2 hours of sleep a day of He expects me to handle a new crisis every other day!
My new tooth crown just broke off, so Monday or Tuesday I will be getting my 1 week old crowns remade, *4 joined together for strength), which put me in the hospital last week. I am worn down and raw! (No, not my teeth, Me! lol). Praying I don't react to this dentist trip. I was going to call this post "Give me a break", but I already got one! My tooth! lol. Gosh.
Posted by Bluebirdy at 00:17
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Baptisms, Divorce Research and Walking an unknown path:
Baptisms, Divorce Research and Walking an unknown path:
I guess the closest analogy I can think of, is having your child kidnapped...and never knowing if you will see them again or not, and losing all your hopes and dreams and future for them, but not your love for them.
I know ALL things work for good for those who love the Lord but I just have so many questions, so many losses, so many confirmations that I was SURE was from the Lord, that we WOULD be together. Without His strength and confirmations, I could not have waited this long...and now I even doubt those, since they all came to nothing.
Divorce, the study says, is really bad for your health. Those who were never married or living with a partner did not have these health problems. In fact, it found that people who suffer marital disruption through either divorce or widowhood or separation due to financial crisis are 20 percent more likely to have chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or cancer than married people. They also have 23 percent more limitations on their mobility, which means they are more likely to have trouble getting around when they get older. By some measures, they are even less likely to be physically or mentally healthy than people who never married at all. (see "Another Good Reason To Stay Married" http://www.newsweek.com/id/208544) That's more confirmation to me of how important it is to work out marriage problems and stay married. Most divorces are based on selfish reasons. It also explains to me why my 80 year old next door neighbor (never divorced) is so much more energetic and strong than I am. (Of course I have diseases she doesn't have, too, but I do think divorce, death of a spouse, or separation due to having to seek work elsewhere takes a chunk of life out of you, physically and emotionally.) Of course not all marriages SHOULD be saved. There are very dangerous relationships that are better to get out of. The study assumes that maybe this is another reason why people in the generations before us had so much more strength, drive, energy and less depression. Only a very small percentage of past generations were "damaged" by divorce. Another study showed that the amount of men now dying in their early 50s has jumped astronomically, because they just don't take care of themselves if they become single. In one generation, USA's average life span went from 76 to 69.
If one divorce does these things to a person's body when they are healthy, I don't know how long my damaged body
will handle the effects of another loss of a husband. What a spot I'm in. I know I will live as long as the Lord wills, because my heart has stopped many times before, and since Canada won't let me get a pacemaker, GOD restarts my heart and HE is my pacemaker, but I will have NO quality of life if I get any worse than I am now.
Ok, I've got to stop that negative
thought with the verse I'm holding onto:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Someone on TV said something that was a perfect reminder. (Why do we need reminders? Why can't we just remember everything and recall it when needed?)
They said that most of the fear and negative feelings in the world are due to worrying about the future or grieving about the past, instead of just living for today. Sure, we should PLAN for the future, but don't fear it or worry about it, because God has promised to give us what we need for that day. Not always what we want, but what we need. Not worrying about the future is easy to say, hard to do. It's a gospel principle!
Matt: 6:34 "So do not worry or be anxious about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and
anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is
its own trouble."
Posted by Bluebirdy at 15:55
Friday, 4 December 2009
No, I have not lost my husband to death (yet), but we have been devastated. THE GOV'T TOOK AWAY MY HUSBAND...and took his wife from him, and took our marriage, and our chance to be together.
I am trying to rest in the scripture verse in the picture above, but I am not feeling it strongly yet. I do feel the Lord's peace and comfort, but I am not sensing a lot of guidance like I usually do.
No one will need to ask about when my husband is coming anymore. He probably won't be coming. That will probably be a relief for all my friends.
I have pretty much just had my husband taken away from me. The Canadian government first promised to get him home to me within 8 months. Now it has been 6 years.
He was finally approved in April, and we were told "Any day now, you will get all the papers necessary." He is not a citizen of Canada, and because of their delays, and their torment and forcing us to repeat sending the same work 5 times, now they are saying that he has to start all over again, to get the right to come to Canada.
The embassy said that if we (or anyone else, meaning government leaders, lawyers, or even the Prime Minister) tries to write to the Canadian Embassy about us for any reason (for example to ask why they want it all again, or to tell them he has already been approved...or to tell them they HAVE all those documents, sent FIVE TIMES IN 6 YEARS)...that they do not have to respond to any letters about our case for 9 months. Their time estimates are always a lie. Every time they give us a time schedule, we have to at least double it. This means that pursuing my husband and I getting together could literally become a never-ending process.
Since I am the one required to do all the paperwork and talking to government leaders and going to court; and I have been getting sicker and sicker from the stress, I don't think my body will survive doing it again for years and years and years.
My husband, my future, my hope, my reason for living, gone. I am in mourning. All my work, worthless. Loss of health, all in vain now. All our hopes and dreams for the future, all our love, will never happen. I have drawers full of things I bought for him throughout the years for when he gets here. I can't even look at them now.
My options are, I can either work myself to death and they still might not be finished the process, or I can let my husband go and have a life, with a wife and children, which he deserves. Neither of those choices will bring peace. We are just distraught and heartbroken. I am not alone in this suffering, but it doesn't ease the pain. If you go to www.notcanada.com you will see tens of thousands of people who the Canadian government has destroyed their lives and their families and some even died from the stress; and immigration didn't care. Not just immigrants, but also people who were here but not yet citizens, who left the country for a while...or who were kept out of the country by Canada themselves, for no reason! HOW can a government stop processing a visa or take away the right to a visa after a JUDGE has already approved it??? I KNOW it must be against the law, but not even the Prime Minister himself can talk to the Embassy about it, because they have stated they will not answer ANY questions about our case for 9 months! If we get government leaders to confront them about it, they can make life harder for us than we ever imagined.
DO THEY WANT BRIBERY? Maybe in that area it is not against the law, I would bribe them for my husband; but they never sign a name or give me any idea who to talk to in order to know who to contact.
I wish I could sue the gov't for pain and suffering and fees and lying to us again and again and lawyer's fees and medical bills for procedures we will both need from stress induced illness.
We are mentally, spiritually and emotionally devastated, hurt and confused despite our love and trust in God through every step. This letter really turned our world upside down. Our minds and hearts and even our faith is spinning!
We know there have been many people in love in history that were not allowed to be together due to world politics...we just didn't think it would happen in this day and age. We have trusted God completely through this and given Him credit for every little advancement and achievement. We received his guidance, comfort and strength whenever we had fears, and we had spiritual experiences telling us we had a purpose for being together...but now we are wondering if this is God's plan, or an evil corrupt government's interference with what God wants. Since God hates divorce, he probably is NOT happy with what the government is doing to so many families.
If it is God's work, then we are no longer supposed to be together, but how could we have mistaken all the spiritual experiences and guidance from the Holy Spirit, and comfort and strength we got, that helped us through all the lies and delays and repeated demands for paperwork?
BUT MISERY IS NOT HOW I IMAGINED OUR MARRIAGE AT ALL! I have lists of things I wanted to show him and fun things I wanted to experience with him and places to take him! I smile to even think of his smile when he would experience something new here.
We have often talked about and researched other countries that maybe we could move to together, but due to lack of money, the time it would take to immigrate to another country, and my lack of strength to even sit up for 2 or 3 hours, that's not a possibility.
The torment has lasted too long. First torment of wondering when and if he will survive the war; my husband's torment whenever my life was in danger health wise; worrying when and if he will get here, when and if the government will follow through with their promises, and if I can be a good wife, or if I would make his life miserable by living with a sick wife, and now it continues with the torment of losing my husband. I just want to "go home".
In ancient times, certain criminals were punished by laying them on the ground, putting an old door on top of them, then putting really large stones on top of the door until the person was crushed to death. For the past many years, and especially since you have known me through my blog, you have been with me to help me bear each of the stones being put on the door with me underneath it. I think this is one of the biggest stones in my life. Losing my first husband without any clue that we had a problem, then having to leave my children in the USA while I moved to Canada, were the stones that did the most damage. I think most of us have many crises (multiple) that are like these stones, and yet we do not get the mercy of death; we are expected to even keep smiling and not yell out in pain, and not complain to others about it, and to continue life as if there is nothing wrong.
Well, now I am "crushed". I don't have the strength to put on any acts anymore. I would not have gotten this far without the help of our loving Savior and Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit and whatever angels that were sent. I'm sure life WILL go on. I will keep waking up the next day. I have learned this through every life changing event, but I have not been able to pull myself out of the depression. I HOPE I will feel differently soon, but today, when this shock is so new, it feels as if I am just waiting to finish my time on this earth.
It is said that ALL things work for good for those who love the Lord, and I always saw that come true, so now I have to have faith that it is STILL true. There is a purpose for this letter...it's just a very tough decision whether to keep going on this same path of abuse by immigration, or to move on and try to make a life for ourselves.
This marriage has had enough suspense, romance, war, espionage,
and drama to make 3 James Bond movies, or a novel as huge as
"War and Peace". Too bad I don't have the strength to write it.
Thank you my loving gifts from God, my spiritual friends, for being my earth angels and strengthening me through all of the heavy stones placed upon me.
Bless you all, Sheila
Posted by Bluebirdy at 02:38
Saturday, 28 November 2009
I started a post many days ago, and just finished it and posted it, but it posted below 2 of my most recent posts instead of here at the top. It's called OUTCASTS, if you would like to read it. Meanwhile I have ANOTHER draft that I am trying to figure out how to make it show up at the top of all these posts instead of pages down, like the other one. Does anyone know how to do that?
A HELPFUL HINT:
If you find my print is too small, hold down the ctrl button on your keyboard, then click the left mouse button ONCE anywhere in the post, then roll your scrolling button on your mouse (if you have one) while holding down ctrl, and the font will get bigger or smaller for you! This works on most web pages, if you have trouble with small print.
Posted by Bluebirdy at 01:01
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Posted by Bluebirdy at 01:59
Friday, 20 November 2009
Posting this for a new friend of mine:
Disease is a pathological condition of an organ or system of an organism, which results from various cases, and categorized by a vast group of symptoms. Presently, the World Health Organization distinguishes 14,199* diseases worldwide. Each year, millions of individuals are diagnosed with diseases. With 1 and 4 individuals becoming affected each year, it is important to become educated and to be aware on the diseases; their symptoms; and their treatments.
Here at Disease.com, we establish an overview on several different diseases (e.g. Lyme, Heart, Crohn's, Alzheimer's, HIV/AIDS), a proven list of treatments, and a concise notice of preventions. Stop, asking questions, and start living a healthier life!"Thank you,
http://www.disease.com/I WAS VERY VERY SURPRISED TO SEE THERE ARE ONLY ABOUT 14,000 DISEASES. I THOUGHT THERE WERE MANY MORE, AT LEAST 50,000 TO 250,000. I GOT THAT IMPRESSION FROM THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND EFFORT IT TAKES FOR MOST CHRONICALLY ILL PEOPLE TO GET ANY DIAGNOSIS.SHEILA
Posted by Bluebirdy at 18:13
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Christians are supposed to look out for the sick and the widowed, and just care for each other in general! It seems as if being chronically ill is a "sin" in the eyes of most average Christians. The Dalai Lama said about Christians "I like very much their Christ, but His people are so unlike Him!" That's sad if that's how the world sees us. I heard another quote that said "Christians are the only group that punish their sick before offering help." I have seen instances of this. Telling a sick person that they just don't have enough faith, they don't pray enough, they must be sinning, they must have a demon, they are just not thinking positively enough, etc. etc. and then when the sick person has explained things to each person a hundred times, THEN they MIGHT offer a minimal amount of help. I think the Lord is very sad with how "HIS CHOSEN PEOPLE" in general, are acting. Of course not every Christian fits this description, but it is rare to find very compassionate, unselfish, giving people these days.
his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works
Posted by Bluebirdy at 16:11
I am revising this a little bit. People are getting the impression that I am the one asking this question. I am not. I know how long I have to live with it, and I know the Lord's help will always be with me. I named the post that title to promote an article of the same name, to be found here:
Click below: How Long Do I Have to Live With This Illness, Lord? ...In order to help others who might be having these thoughts and questions.
I guess I should have put ONLY that article in a blog with that title, but decided to update people about my life at the same time.
The day started out nicely, I was given the award you see in the upper right hand corner, from http://www.disease.com/ website, which if you look at it, is impressive!
I'm struggling again. I have a condition that even put my heart Dr. in the hospital, but I stay home and suffer, unable to get myself a drink of water, and very hard to even sit up or roll over. You can read about it here: http://tinyurl.com/costo-fibro . It's called costochondritis and even morphine is not taking care of the pain. I'm not patient with myself when I have to be stuck in bed. I'D RATHER BE CLEANING or walking outside or ANYTHING! I'd rather clean toilets than just lay here...but I am so VERY grateful to have the Internet here at my fingertips. Friends, knowledge, ability to teach and encourage, even when I can barely speak.
I am over-thinking these delays about my husband, and every possible idea in heaven and earth goes through my mind, again and again. I wish I could sue the gov't for pain and suffering and torment. I know it will happen in the Lord's perfect time, but I am just a human, I can't see His purpose or His plan, so I wonder! I wonder if there's something I should be doing to change it all, or not. I think of:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Yesterday a friend in India suggested that I contact some foreign consulates in Canada, from the areas that he is working in, and see if they would be willing to help us get my husband home, more than my own gov't is helping. It doesn't hurt to ask. At least it's something we can do to and not just sit, waiting.
Since their consulate in his area kicked up such a complaint about losing such an honorable and good translator, and not being able to find another like him, I sometimes wonder if they are purposely waiting for Mom and I to pass away, so they won't have to let him come here. His family is not here, so he would probably stay where he is if he didn't have us. They have already waited for my father to pass away.
Oh well, when I can breathe better and move better and get more active and get some fresh air, everything will seem less intense. Satan works on you when you are down. This too shall pass.
Every few days lupus causes a different problem, so it never seems to end, but one quote has made me feel better about the fact that I will have pain like this maybe for 40 -50 years.
Posted by Bluebirdy at 13:09
Friday, 13 November 2009
"Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
"Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart."
The trials and experiences of our lives will create a beautiful cake in eternal life.
Posted by Bluebirdy at 12:06
Saturday, 31 October 2009
There has always been a question whether God's obedient people should observe Halloween or not. Now that my children are grown, I don't observe it. I'm not a big fan of evil scary stuff or scary movies; but when my kids were growing up, it seemed cruel to make them stay home doing nothing when everyone else was getting candy, so I set some rules. No evil or scary costumes or decorations or movies, and we go with them from door to door, and when they were too big to go door to door, they could have a small party if the friends also didn't have evil costumes and there were no evil decorations, only cute Halloween/fall stuff. We had quite a bit of fun doing it that way.
I hoped so much that my husband would be here tonight, able to see the adorable children in their costumes at the door, asking for candy. I get angry at the government for every occasion and special day that I miss without him. It's almost a mourning feeling as if he has been taken away from me. I was promised by the government in the Spring of this year that he would be home before our wedding anniversary which comes in 2 weeks. 4 years. I am now not even sure if he will be here for Christmas. I am drained, always being on the edge of my seat waiting for notification of when my life with him will begin.
I called my lawyer and every government agency I could think of this week, trying to find out where to begin to find someone in the Canadian Embassy, who will search for his paperwork to see if it's lost or what the delay was, since we have passed three dates that we were promised he would be here.
I know that for years I have been being taught that all delays have a purpose, but still I am impatient.
I had 3 boxes of files that I brought home to sort through, and yesterday was like a living nightmare while I was still awake. I was reliving every crisis I had ever gone through while living in the USA. Loss of my husband, home, kids, papers from car accidents, letters insulting me from doctors, medical records, bankruptcy, refusal letter from disability, notes from my daughter's various traumas, disagreement with my bishop, daughter's suicide attempt, her divorce, all the important documents I had to keep for future reference. Well I have no use for those papers now, thank goodness, so they are trashed and I never have to look at them again. I was so exhausted after that, I think I slept for 4 hours before I could get up and get Mom something to eat.
The wind is 100 kilometers per hour yesterday and today...not great for little children with costumes!! Wind also causes positive ions to mess with people's moods, so in areas where there is a lot of wind, you find a lot of alcoholism. Maybe the wind intensified the emotions I felt from that file.
I still have a whole box of files to go through. Pictures of my ex's family, my ex, papers he might want/need, records from my children's education and life that I need to send to them, and I miss them so much, I have only them once since I left USA 11 years ago, so each file is full of tears for me.
Even though I almost live in bed, my life is never boring!
OK...now some GOOD news...GOD DOES PROVIDE! I got an unexpected check in the mail from the government. They said they owed me some money, it was almost $200, so that helped a lot.
I found out that every time I use my debit card, I was collecting points that I could trade in for things in a gift book that they offer. I have been collecting points for 10 years, so I now have enough points to pay for either the hotel room for a week for the honeymoon, or for part of hubby's flight here! That has replaced the honeymoon savings I lost during the move!!
So I know God is watching out for me/us and providing for us.
Despite the stress, there are many blessings to count. Or as my favorite reading states,
Here is the whole reading.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
As far as possible, without surrender,
If you compare yourself with others,
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
Therefore be at peace with God,
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
Posted by Bluebirdy at 17:41
Friday, 23 October 2009
Thanks for your prayers!!! They are carrying me! HE is carrying me!
Posted by Bluebirdy at 12:29