FINALLY I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS!!!
I guess it's true that its always darkest before the dawn.
I was being bogged down with so much legal paperwork to get my husband home from the war zone because of his family needing him here (me and my family), that I would need 3 or 4 secretaries to do it all. I spent a few days working 16 hours a day and I that was about 1/10th the amount I still have to do. I am continually getting emails telling me horror stories of people in my situation and that I should not put my husband in the situation of living with a sick wife, etc. and it finally made me snap emotionally. I spent days sobbing, in confusion so bad I could barely put sentences together. I just felt hopeless. I wondered if what I had was a nervous breakdown, so I looked it up and one site explained:
In breakdowns of the depressive type, there may be uncontrollable crying, loss of pleasure in all activities, dramatic weight loss or weight gain, sleep disruption or extreme sleepiness, confusion, disorientation, extreme feelings of worthlessness, guilt, despair and hopelessness.
That's what I felt. So I begged the Lord to please heal at least that horrible feeling and sobbing and confusion, because He is the only help I have. I fell asleep and woke up feeling better than I have felt in a couple of years! My mind is clear, my emotions are balanced, I am on less than half of my pain medicine, I have not needed any diabetes medicine at all! I am almost afraid to say I am completely and forever healed, in case it will jinx me, but for however long the Lord allows me to feel like this, I PRAISE AND THANK HIM and am enjoying life and every moment! Feeling good is like heaven on earth. You can handle ANYTHING if you've got your health!!
I had to even stop talking to my husband for quite a few days because to even think of all the torment this is, would make me shake and sob. For about 4 days I prayed so very hard for the Lord to give me strength and courage and heal my mind and heart, my unstable emotions, and make me physically stronger...and one morning about 3 days ago I woke up feeling like a different person! My pain meds are less than half, depression is gone, fear is gone, I feel like the Lord can carry me through anything now. Before I kept WANTING to believe it, but I always thought of how much more I would have to suffer through each trial even with His help. . If the Lord helps me stay in this state of mind, things will be fine, and I can see every trial will just be another lesson, not an attack from Satan.
My Dr. was only in the office 2 mornings then took off again so I'm on my own again, trying to figure out if increasing my exercise makes me weaker or stronger, but praying for healing of my heart (physical) if nothing else. Then I'd have more energy to help my hubby when he gets here.
One good thing, the war seems to be easing up where my hubby is, so he is going to see tomorrow if the Taliban have gotten out of the court house so we can get the papers we need. Whatever way it goes, whatever happens, it will be ok. This is so wonderful, I feel like my former strong self that I used to like and was not ashamed of, is back. It's a healing, for sure. Another blessing and small miracle when the Lord knew I could not handle any more. How long it will stay, I don't know. Last time it was 1 week, a few weeks before my Dad passed away. I hope this time of remission is longer.
I pray that all of my beloved friends/readers can experience this SOON!
HOMEWARD BOUND (by Sheila Wall)
Please use author's name when using ANY poetry or articles.
Though dreams are shattered
And friends have gone,
Though winds blow cold
And storms stay long,
Though pain and heartache
Do not belong,
And still they stay, I will sing my song.
Then they will see I'm not around to
let dark shadows get me down,
And though hard problems
do me surround,
I'll let them know I am homeward bound.
I'll wear a smile through thick and thin
Then they will see that we can win
And things are better with a high chin
For then all things can shine again.
CHEERY- by Sheila Wall
A special feeling's in the air,
Can't tell you what it is that's there,
All I know is I can say
Something good's gonna happen today!
The air is cool, the sky is white,
Still I know there's something right!
Someone's on my side today
And no one's gonna take it away,
Cuz something good will happen today!