Oh Lord make it stop
Having what I call a "hell day". Where the pain is so bad, I am so weak, so alone, can't even get up to get a drink of water, all I can think is "Lord make it stop, please Lord make it stop", thinking maybe I don't want to live if I will never get well enough to run an errand or go anyplace or even get more than 1 job done a day at home. Grandson's birthday coming up and have been too sick to buy and mail a gift, even too sick to search online for a gift to be sent to him. Now my daughter will be heartbroken, I have to think of a gift solution. Hurt too much to go to the emergency room where I have to defend myself if I go alone. In this ER you have to have someone with you or they insult you and neglect you so badly you wish you had a mini recorder to record what they say when there are no "witnesses" around. Don't want to have to lay there for 8 hours in this kind of pain and fear and discouragement. Wish I had a spouse or a friend to at least say something encouraging to me. Not thinking well enough to think through the negative and change it into a positive.
I am NOT a PollyAnna Most of the time.
I try to act brave and cheerful and positive in emails and around others and on phone calls and in blogs
1) So others don't completely abandon me because they can't stand my negative complaining anymore
2) Because people have enough of their own problems without me adding more of a burden to their life
3) Because I keep getting told this new age stuff of "What you think, is what will happen." I think that movie "The Secret" is DANGEROUS. It blames the person for everything that happens to them, and leaves NO ROOM for the thought that maybe some things were God's will and had a purpose, and no room for having compassion for a suffering person or helping them out, because "They did this to themselves and they have to get themselves out of it and they deserve whatever they get." "The Secret" is a double edged sword. One side of the sword can cut you a new life, new way of looking at things in a positive light, the other side of the sword cuts out the existence of God's power in your life or the thought of compassion for suffering and serving others. I can't believe that people who were born with things, like me and people with cerebral palsy and other horrible diseases "thought" about that and chose that for themselves. What did I do? While in the womb I thought "Yeah I want to be in pain and alone and in a prison of a body for about 70 years or so, and the suffering never go away and no doctor will help or be kind, and your children will not understand and your husband will abandon you as soon as you are no longer able to serve him. Yeah that's what I choose." How stupid is that to teach, but that's what the secret says, that we brought on ourselves everything that we have, and we deserve everything we have, and the way you think can get out out of everything. So they way you think can get Christopher Reeves off a ventilator and get him walking? He certainly tried and had tons of support and thought positive things every moment, but as hard as he tried, he still died. Then his loving, positive, supportive wife died of cancer. Did she want that, to leave her kids alone? Its evil to think that "if you would just do this or that or think differently, you would be well, so if you WANT to be sick, I will leave you alone and let you be sick, until you choose to think differently and heal yourself." Hate days like this with pain and weakness and discouragement.
I am NOT a PollyAnna Most of the time.
I try to act brave and cheerful and positive in emails and around others and on phone calls and in blogs
1) So others don't completely abandon me because they can't stand my negative complaining anymore
2) Because people have enough of their own problems without me adding more of a burden to their life
3) Because I keep getting told this new age stuff of "What you think, is what will happen." I think that movie "The Secret" is DANGEROUS. It blames the person for everything that happens to them, and leaves NO ROOM for the thought that maybe some things were God's will and had a purpose, and no room for having compassion for a suffering person or helping them out, because "They did this to themselves and they have to get themselves out of it and they deserve whatever they get." "The Secret" is a double edged sword. One side of the sword can cut you a new life, new way of looking at things in a positive light, the other side of the sword cuts out the existence of God's power in your life or the thought of compassion for suffering and serving others. I can't believe that people who were born with things, like me and people with cerebral palsy and other horrible diseases "thought" about that and chose that for themselves. What did I do? While in the womb I thought "Yeah I want to be in pain and alone and in a prison of a body for about 70 years or so, and the suffering never go away and no doctor will help or be kind, and your children will not understand and your husband will abandon you as soon as you are no longer able to serve him. Yeah that's what I choose." How stupid is that to teach, but that's what the secret says, that we brought on ourselves everything that we have, and we deserve everything we have, and the way you think can get out out of everything. So they way you think can get Christopher Reeves off a ventilator and get him walking? He certainly tried and had tons of support and thought positive things every moment, but as hard as he tried, he still died. Then his loving, positive, supportive wife died of cancer. Did she want that, to leave her kids alone? Its evil to think that "if you would just do this or that or think differently, you would be well, so if you WANT to be sick, I will leave you alone and let you be sick, until you choose to think differently and heal yourself." Hate days like this with pain and weakness and discouragement.
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