Monday, 30 June 2008


I wish you could see the full beauty of this angel picture. Each white dot sparkles in the picture, but the blog doesn't show that.

Poster says: Someone You Know Has Lupus,”

left side: “A rash across the cheeks and nose resembling a ‘butterfly’ can be a symptom of lupus,” “The butterfly has become the Lupus Foundation of America’s national symbol of hope.” Hope is an underlying message of the campaign. Lupus usually strikes in the prime of life. But new research brings hope that safer and more effective treatments, and ultimately a cure, can be found.

right side
“Lupus is: an autoimmune disease, the body attacking itself, difficult to recognize and diagnose, sometimes mild, sometimes life-threatening, mostly seen in women, especially African Americans, Hispanics, Native Americans and Asians, also found in men and children, a widespread chronic illness that can kill,” the poster explains. “Symptoms [include]: joint pain, fever, joint swelling, fatigue, skin rashes, anemia, chest pains, and sun sensitivity.”

Yes, FRUSTIPATING me! My most famous word. Attacking many organs and causing diabetes again which was gone for almost a year, causing chest pain into my arm and face, taking lots of nitro and praying, because I know I'll just get sent home from the E.R. like usual. Affecting my kidneys, causing kidney pain, so with the chest, kidney and face pain, the passing out from heart problems and blood sugar jumping too high and then too low, I am pretty miserable. I just have to keep telling myself "This too shall pass!" I am thankful for the Lord's peace and comfort. It could be worse. I am still remembering the wonderful few weeks of remission, and how life was so different then. I am still thankful for that time.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

STILL I will praise Him!!!

My lupus returned with a vengeance, seemingly to make up for all the days that I had without much pain. I've been doubled up, unable to think much more than "Lord, please help, or make it stop" until just a few hours ago. I didn't know a person could have so much pain and still stay conscious. I don't even want to go to the E.R. for pain relief because I would have to go alone, and don't have the strength to defend myself in this crazy hospital. My heart and kidneys are causing more symptoms than I can bear all at once; but STILL no depression! This is SOOO wonderful to have a clear mind and no fear! Usually intense pain and days without sleep leave me unable to think, and fearful of the future, but this time it is different, and it is wonderful. It is so much easier to handle the pain and every other trial in life when the depression is gone. Now I know what a huge factor depression can be in the decisions a person makes and how a person bears trials. I am thanking our very loving Lord very often for this, still a partial miracle. There's no explainable way a person can go to sleep crying and praying, and wake up free of pain and depression that has been there for 10 years! I have experienced many such partial healings in my life. It is a sure sign that there is a creator who hears us and cares about our trials. I should have passed away long ago. Last July I was given 1 year to live, so at the end of next month, I can silently smile in smugness that the Dr. was wrong. (I know that's not very nice, but I'm not perfect yet, the Lord's not finished with me yet. lol) I will go when the Lord wants me to, not when a man decides. Technically, I guess he was right, I did die when my heart stopped in April, but I' m still here. Every time a Dr. gives me an amount of time, he will say "I don't expect you to live more than 2 years or 1 year", and I think "So? Then my heart will stop, I will have another near death experience, and I will be sent back to earth to finish what I was sent here to learn or to do."

I have written to the highest up official in Canada (who would be in charge of getting my husband home) to get my husband here because of family hardship. I wasn't getting far with a lawyer, because the lawyer demanded HUNDREDS of hours of paperwork that I totally burned out on doing. I will keep contacting that office every 2 weeks to keep them remembering me so something will be done SOON. Without this depression, I DO feel like I could be a wife after all. If my husband helps with the physical things, I can help him re-adjust to life. I don't know how bad his post traumatic stress disorder will be, but he's taking meds for it, and from when I try to call him to wake him up, I know he sleeps like a rock, so I hope he doesn't have bad nightmares, etc. It will be a big adjustment for him, and I can be his emotional pillow, if he helps with the physical duties.

It's amazing and refreshing to realize that when the depression is gone, and when your mind is freed from constant pain, you can start to look around you at how things look or how they should look, you can find new interests. It is so very enlightening to now understand how people in chronic pain think and feel when pain overtakes their whole existence. When my mind was freed from the pain enough that I could think of other things, I could think of sewing, decorating, cooking, gardening, and could see things that needed cleaning and improving like I could not see when I was suffering. I bought many patterns that are out of print, by my favorite pattern designer, Khaliah ALi (Muhammad Ali's daughter) and bought some of the most beautiful fabric I ever saw, and I discovered something that I think will be my new hobby and interest! I have always loved learning how housewives did things before the days of modern appliances or cleaning products. I always thought I was born in the wrong era (except that I am so very grateful to live in the age of internet). There are many websites about retro-housewife and vintage housewife etc. with old pictures from the 1950s and before, showing how women did their hair or cleaned or cooked things before packaged food was available, and what they used for medicine and cleaning products, and all the old wives tales that had some wisdom to them, that have not been passed down to any generation since the 1970s. They fascinate me. I love the femeninity of the clothes and hairstyles and the joy they took in their homemaking profession. I even love the old fashioned aprons. You'll probably see more of this in the future...if the Lord allows me to have enough time not overwhelmed with pain. I found a new author who I would like to collect all of her 25 books. Her name is Alexandra Stoddard. I told my sister this, who I was not raised with, because she left home when I was small, and she told me that is her favorite writer too, and she DOES have all of her books! Strange isn't it? I have spent all this time taking care of spiritual things, so I didn't really have a chance to take care of how things look or appear, didn't really have the strength to make my home look beautiful since I moved back to Canada 10 years ago...so maybe now life can be a bit more balanced and I can concentrate on the little inexpensive joys of life as well as spiritual things.

I get by, with my Lord, and with a little help from my angel friends, each one hand picked by the Lord. What precious, eternal jewels our friends are. We can't take anything with us when we go, but we will forever have or friends when we all meet again in the next world.

These BEAUTIFUL graphics that say "God bless my online friends" were made by a dear, artistic genius, online friend, Helen Goens. Thanks TONS HELEN!

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

My First "Grandma" Experience

Today is my older daughter's birthday. She is the one with the very long hair.
Yesterday I had an experience that made me really feel connected to my grandkids, and really made me feel like a grandma for the first time. My younger daughter (the one in pink shirt) called and had her oldest (the boy under her arm in maroon shirt) call me and talk his baby talk, and then he said "let's sing twinkle twinkle!" So we sang "Twinkle twinkle little star together" and he told me about what he learned in church on Sunday and about his bad dream the night before. I know I AM a grandma, but there is no communication between the boys and I and they only know me for the gifts I send. Now that my oldest grandson can read, I can start sending him letters so we can get to know each other better, and as the others learn to read, I'll do the same with them. I just feel like a useless grandma because with this weakness, I can't babysit them or get on the ground and play with them the way I want, so I barely know how to act if they were to come visit, or if I were to go visit there. I love kids so much. Even kids pictures and jokes can make me laugh like nothing else in this life.

This is the first time I have been brave enough to share family pics here. Here are my 2 girls and they each have 2 boys. I have only met 3 of them. 2 of those I saw just for a few hours out of these 11 years since I had to leave my girls in the USA after my husband left, and my choice was to become homeless and sick with 2 broken ankles, or to come back to Canada and live in a bedroom in my parents' home. The men are not in this picture because one was at National Guard that weekend, and the other is newly divorced but still friends with her ex, but he is at special forces training (Like Green Beret).
I am hoping to get feeling better (like I have hoped for 11 years) to start a new life, but I also have to make alternative plans to try to see them and enjoy them even if I don't get well. I am better now than I was before 2 or 3 weeks ago, but still have not gained much strength. I'm working on that.
So now you see what happens when you get married at 18...you get lots of grandkids very early in life. I was 36 or 37 when I became a grandma.
This Grandma business could be fun if I could get to the point that everything wasn't so difficult and so painful!

SO Thankful for my only friends, MY ONLINE FRIENDS!

You are my precious jewels, all my Internet friends. I hope to get well enough soon to go out and make some local friends, but until then, and for the past 10 years, I have had the best, closest, deepest friendships in my life by having online friends who are at my fingertips day or night.

I have had online friends do things for me that no local friend could do. One example-When I went to a lady's house to pick something up, I sat in the living room for quite a while while she chatted, and THEN she told me that she had TEN CATS! I am deathly allergic to cats. I had been sitting there for half an hour and didn't have any symptoms, so I thought "Wow! Maybe I have been healed of my allergies! Maybe I am not allergic to animals anymore!" So I went home, not expecting to have any problem, because usually the allergy problems start before I see the cats. I got on the web cam with a friend on the computer (with sound) and started passing out. My friend kept talking to wake me up, to get my allergy medicine, then to wake me each time I passed out until the allergy medicine started working. My friend told me that my chest wasn't even moving for a little while which was scary, so I'd keep waking up to my friend's voice. I have never had a friend in my life that would have stayed with me while I was passing out...but my online friend did! I would love to have a friend who would take me to the hospital when needed or come sit with me when I am crazy with pain...well maybe I don't want that. I don't like to make others suffer by seeing me suffer.

We seem to get much closer to our online friends, because we open up our hearts more and share our true feelings, unafraid of their judgment or of them telling our family and neighbors, because they don't know our friends and neighbors. The anonymity offers some security in being able to share your deepest secrets.

THANK YOU for making my life so much better!
BLESSINGS, Bluebirdy

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Spirit of Compassion Award

Arte y Pico Award

This award was given to me by my good friend Mel Alarila of http://www.blogger.com/profile/00166954063114607598 his 6 blogs are listed at the bottom of his profile. The originator of this award is Bindi of Beautiful World.

Spirit of Compassion "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive" - Dalai Lama.
What is compassion? Compassion is an understanding of the emotional state of another, not to be confused with empathy ( "put oneself into another's shoes"), compassion is often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another or to show special kindness to those who suffer. However, compassion may lead an individual to feel empathy with another person.

Compassion is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.Compassion - "Actions Speak Louder Than Words"."If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion" - Dalai Lama.

Here are the rules:
1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider to be deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2. Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4. Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.
In turn, I am giving this award to the following bloggers whose hearts are gold and are full of compassion to their fellowmen:

4. Lisa Copen, Creator of Rest Ministries http://ww1.yuwie.com/blog/Default.asp?id=106763

Monday, 9 June 2008

8 Ways To Change Your Attitude

The Productivity Pro by Laura Stack,

The Productivity Pro Attitude, whether positive or negative, is contagious; so what type are you spreading? Being negative takes extra energy you could otherwise be channeling into your favorite pursuits. Instead of sowing discord wherever you go, learn how to cultivate tolerance instead of impatience; optimism rather than pessimism; and gratitude versus an ungrateful spirit. Here's how to get started.

1. Stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Smother your feelings of pessimism, self-doubt, complaining, whining, and general negativity as they're born, or they're likely to take over your life and poison your relationships.

2. Stop worrying about everything. Instead of worrying about things you can't control, create alternate mental pictures in which you and yours are the winners. Worrying about stuff you can't control is a one-way ticket to the funny farm.

3. Listen to what your anger is teaching you. Anger is an evolutionary tool that keeps us safe; therefore, you should respond to it carefully. Instead of lashing out, become introspective about what it's trying to tell you.

4. Learn to deal with emotionally-charged situations. Simply being around some people makes you tired, and others are brusque and irritable. It may be necessary to adjust your own attitudes to deal effectively with others' personality quirks.

5. Choose to be an optimist. Assuming all your basic needs are met, happiness is a choice. It's said that pessimists forget to laugh, and optimists laugh to forget. Keep things in perspective. Remember: things can always be worse!

6. Count your blessings. Don't show the world an ungrateful spirit. Stop complaining about what you don't have and start counting all the things you do have. Counting your blessing can be an instant energy boost.

7. Cultivate patience with people. Others' differences can sour your attitude, draining your energy. Realize we're all different, and force yourself to find just one thing you like about someone who's annoying you.

8. Don't bother overanalyzing people. There's not always an ulterior motive behind what people do, so don't waste time and precious energy by playing psychoanalyst to those who annoy you. Sometimes a cigar's just a cigar.

Instead of being a "de-energizer" who sucks the life right out of others, learn how to lift their spirits and give them joy. Being negative really takes extra energy -- energy you could otherwise be channeling into your favorite pursuits.

Click here to buy a copy of The Exhaustion Cure.Laura Stack (www.TheProductivityPro.com) is a personal productivity expert, author and professional speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlier® with Maximum Results in Minimum Time™. She is the president of The Productivity Pro®, a time management training firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. She is the bestselling author of The Exhaustion Cure (2008), Find More Time (2006) and Leave the Office Earlier (2004). Visit TheProductivityPro.com for more information.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Was great while it lasted!

Just an update:
My well time lasted 12 days. It was nice to get re-acquainted with my old self, and be free of depression or foggy thinking and I had about 50%-75% less pain. I went shopping with my mom, I think I've only done that a few times in my life. I still had to use the store's motorized scooter with basket because of my heart problem, and that still wore me out, but I was sure enjoying every good moment and thanking God every chance I thought about it.

I've been flat on my back for a few days again, but still no depression, and still my thinking is clear. It's great! I am hoping it was just the fast change in weather that affects so many people who have chronic illness. I am hoping to feel well again in a day or two. Still, even my bad days are not as bad as they were before 12 days ago. I had a diabetic reaction and was semi-conscious for most of the day yesterday. That hasn't happened in months. I will be hoping and praying that this bad period is a very short one and that I can get feeling great again and start a new life.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Bill C51-No natural products in Canada??

Dear Canadian friends;
     There is a bill about to be presented as a law that means to stop the distribution and sale of up to 60% of all herbal supplements and vitamins. The bill wants them classed as drugs so that doctors will have to prescribe them.  
     Unfortunately,  Doctors will never choose to learn about them or prescribe them, and the way this bill is worded,  you can not even pick herbs to use as medicine, and you could be arrested for giving your child a natural product. It does not limit to only manufactured products, so how can they know where to draw the line? Foods also have vitamins and minerals and supplements, so these should be classed as food supplements, not drugs.   
      If you agree, If you want to keep your right to take vitamins, minerals, supplements, herbs, read the bill for yourself, and fill in the form which is a letter to the government against this bill.
   Don't just take my word for it, read it for yourself.
We (the people) must stop it. No one else will. We have to stand up for our rights. 
     To clarify, this is not an email petition, which do not do any good. This is a website which collects letters from citizens and sends the letters on, individually, to the leaders.
    This threat came up in the USA in the early 90s and I was priviledged to work with Senator Hatch and the celebrity Lindsay Wagner (Six thousand dollar woman TV series) to defeat this bill in the USA.  We can do it here too.
    Thankyou, on behalf of all of us who need, or prefer natural medicines.

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