"The butterfly often forgets that it used to be a caterpillar." Swedish Proverb
I love that quote, because right now I feel like I'm in ANOTHER caterpillar stage, and I am making a new life, trying to fix me emotionally and physically, soon I will be a butterfly! So if you could be a butterfly, what would you be? I would either be the little tiny pure white pearly one, or the big blue south American blue iridescent one in the picture above. That is a tree covered by them, eating the sap off the bark. It can also go the other way. Look at who you are today. You have grown so much through your trials. You used to be a caterpillar, only allowed to see things from the ground. You didn't have the insight or the knowledge or wisdom that you have now, after going through your trials and learning the lessons that come as rewards to those trials. Those trials are the tight, confining cocoon that you break out of, making you into a butterfly.
I am reading the coolest book! It's called "Highly Sensitive Persons-How to thrive in a world that overwhelms you"., by Elaine Aron. She has written about 7 books about the newly discovered personality trait. I found websites and monthly newsletters that go along with it, and blogs by sociologists that specialize in HSPs (Highly Sensitive Persons) and write articles about them. It is changing me! I thought I was burned out emotionally, and that my nerves were shot; and that I couldn't function in the world anymore, and this shows me that none of that is true, I do not have ADD or hyperactivity, I am highly sensitive physically, emotionally and spiritually. It tells ways to adjust to things that overwhelm you, and listed so many signs of that personality that suit me to a TEE! Maybe I'll get less sensitive and more useful to the world, able to cope with stress more, more hard skinned. I am not reading it as fast as I wish because I'm having a hard time concentrating while grieving, and hard time retaining info, so I have to read it again and again. I am also re-experiencing all the trauma from my first husband leaving, like post traumatic stress disorder, but even so, I do feel comfort and strengthened and I'm even getting a lot of insight as to why this is a good thing. I get more ideas every day of what God protected both my husband and I from. I just am hating the thought of being alone, but I'll take it one day at a time like every other widow or divorced woman in the world.
In case you are interested in this Highly Sensitive Persons info, here are the websites that my mom and daughter and I have found to be ENLIGHTENING, changing our lives. Almost all HSPs get conditions such as migraines, TMJ or CFS, fibromyalgia, auto immune disease (lupus is one of dozens) or scoliosis. It's the way our system is trying to adapt to our world and trying to balance what overwhelms us. Some of these sites have signs and quizzes and tests to see if you are Highly Sensitive.
Those first 2 are run by a girl that went to high school with my daughter. Small world!
This site below is by Elaine Aron who wrote many books about sensitivity. Her book about sensitive children helped me raise my sensitive preemie daughter years ago, and now Elaine is helping me.
http://highlysensitive.org/ based on Elaine's book and added more info.
Another good site of information
Fibromyalgia and HSPs
I am gaining a bit more strength since I stopped doing the constant legal paperwork, and I hope to keep getting stronger. I even started losing weight, because constant stress makes you hold onto fat, and the stress has been easing....even WITH the feeling of loss. It's STILL not as hard as the torment from all the legal work, and the daily wondering how I would be able to do even the most basic things for 2 people, not just 1, and the constant "living in limbo", not being able to make any decisions for 6 years, because the decision for everything would be different depending on whether my future would have 2 people or just me.
New Year, New Hope, New Beginnings, New Life!
Start becoming the best person you can be, one baby step at a time. You are in competition only with who you used to be. You are not in competition with anyone else on earth.