Monday, 7 April 2008



It's 2 a.m. when I'm writing this, but I will probably post it later because I want to add more later. I have to type all my ideas down before I forget them! I have to show my gratitude to the Lord for pouring His healing oil onto me all evening. God does answer prayer, and it's usually through others that he does it.

See the picture of this angel up top? It is not animated in this blog, but usually the stars are pouring from the angels hand's down to earth. In the past 8 hours or so, God has been SO MERCIFUL and COMFORTING....sending me friends who send me the perfect song, the perfect guidance, the perfect advice, the perfect website that I needed right now. Tonight I thought I was at the end of my rope. I was worn out, hopeless.
When you lose hope, you lose a reason to exist.

The first spiritual "manna from heaven" that came was that I found the song "Don't give up" on a friend's blog. I have added it to my music box in the upper right corner of my blog. Just click on it in the box, and it will start playing. How perfect! The message of "Don't give up, it's just the world's weight on your shoulders, but you are loved"....which comes just as I am saying that I can't do this anymore!

Then came some emails, sent at just the right time, saying just the right things. One of the things said, was that happiness does not just 'happen' for many of us. For those of us, it is a choice that takes effort. Not an effort to just fake a smile or pretend and act silly and giddy and falsely happy, but effort to learn how to change the way we perceive life, and perceive our problems, and to learn things we can do to make ourselves feel better, which will make life more enjoyable, more meaningful, easier to bear. I have been working hard to do that for a long time, but having problems retaining the things I am learning, due to the distracting pain interrupting my thoughts, making me forget what was just told to me.
Next came emails from my most deep, spiritual friends, offering prayers and suggestions to help me get through this. They didn't know it, but the Lord helped me gain new insights from things they did not even say.
That insight was: I have been leaning on my own understanding, and since I could not see any alternatives, I gave up hope! That Dr. seemed to want me to suffer as much as possible and he did not even care when I told him that these 3 conditions are known to be potentially fatal, especially if the person has chronic illness and heart problems to begin with. I just don't want to lay in bed sweating, moaning, crying, in too much pain to think, and don't want my family to have to watch me go through it, but I don't want to go to a Motel to go through it either. God DOES know other alternatives, and will lead me to them. He will help me get through the suffering until I am led to the alternative solution that will help me have less pain so that I am functional again.

Then I got an email from a person I have not talked to since high school. It came just as I was sobbing. I had written to her months ago, and since I never got a reply, I just forgot about it, thinking I probably never WOULD get a reply. Her letter said:

"I just wanted to drop a quick line to let you know that I haven't forgotten about my need to reply to the lovely letter you sent me.Of course I remember you! I have wonderful memories of your beauty and sweetness and purity. I adored you! I loved how good you were. You were a bright and shining example to me and I've never forgotten you, your charm, your smile, or the love you so easily gave to all those around you.I'd love to communicate more. I will respond more fully to your letter when I get out from under the deadlines I've been under with work and school. I think you're wonderful! (And of the pictures you sent, I loved the one of you without make-up the best!) :-) Much love and fond memories, K."

Perfect wording for a time when I had lost all self esteem, so much that I don't even want to meet new people, or re-meet old friends. That letter really helped that!

All evening, these wonderful insights are coming in like the angel in the picture dropping little messages from heaven!!!! To me it is like a miracle and I hope I never forget this day. There were other emails and a chatroom visit, but those lessons were so personal that I'd rather just savor them, and let them grow within me.
Another amazing blessing is how well Mom has been through my pneumonia. Good thing or she would be in serious trouble because I can't go to the hospital with her to be her defender/protector/advocate in the condition I am in.

Once again I have to thank the Lord PROFUSELY, that I am allowed to live in the time of Internet, especially if I have to spend so much time in bed. I feel sorry for everyone in the past who had to live for years and years sick in a bed, with no physical help, with no one to talk to, no visitors. I can reach so many corners of the world from my bed...that I could not even reach if I were healthy and able to travel.
I also believe that since there are too many people in this world to get to know, (we don't even get to know all of our neighbors anymore), that God has a hand in sending certain people into your life for very specific reasons. These are people that we learn from and that we teach. Sometimes they stay friends for life, but more often, when the Lord's purpose is done, they or we move on to learn from and teach others. This helps form who we are, and helps complete the mission we were sent to earth for. Yes I believe EVERY person has something specific to do here on earth.

The next "miracle"...earlier I talked about the new scientific findings of pain control; and that people who take the right amount of pain killer for their pain do not get addicted or high; the medicine just neutralizes the pain...nothing else. Well, it has been many days since I had my pain medicine. Though the pain is getting worse by the hour, I AM HAVING NO WITHDRAWAL!!!! GOD IS MERCIFUL! He has saved me from that horrid malady that can be fatal if you are already weak and sick. I should have remembered this from one other time when I had no pain meds for a long time. NO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS! So just the pneumonia and the pain are my physical problems.

The rest is all stress related discomfort (spirit and mind), from my overwhelming number of problems. If I can continue to train myself to relax, the pain will lessen and the problems will not cause such a feeling of everything being too hard or even impossible.

If I would have done what my lowest, most negative thoughts urged me to do, (or maybe what the enemy was urging me to do), which was to turn off the phone and the internet and hide under my blankets, I would not have been opened up to all these wonderful messages coming to rescue me!! Satan LOVES to attack you when you are weakest, and he loves to fill your empty thoughts and empty times with negative thoughts, so I would have been so much more miserable, just thinking negatively because I could not see any hope of anything getting any better!

THANK YOU LORD FOR SHOWING I AM LOVED, I AM BLESSED, YOU ARE SO GRACIOUS, AND WILL POUR BLESSINGS UPON US if we open our hearts and minds to realize that it is YOU sending these things, it was not just a night of a series of coincidences! No one that contacted me had read my blog, so they didn't know what was going on with me...but they lived close enough to the Lord to be able to get the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost, and to reach out to me! I AM NOT ALONE!!! I HAVE SO MANY WORLD WIDE FRIENDS...I JUST DON'T HAVE LOCAL PHYSICAL HELP!!!

How Can I ever thank God enough for all the ways He helps me get through all these crisises and unbearable stresses and pains? .

I've been praying that the Lord will help me retain all these lessons that he is sending to me. The impression I was then given, was that the forgetfulness was given to me specifically to forget the severe pain I may have dealt with last week or month or whatever, because the cumulative stress of remembering how much pain I suffered would be too much for me, and unfortunately, along with forgetting the date, what I went through in the past while, I will also forget other things I try to learn, such as memorizing scrips, languages, lessons, things to do.

I wonder if my recently deceased Dad had anything to do with this.

Thank you all and bless you all, my earth angels!
May you be rewarded 10 fold for how you bless others' lives!


You are tagged. Please go to my blog- Random Thoughts, and read my latest post "10 Reasons Why I Blog." After reading it, please make your on post on "10 Reasons Why I Blog," then copy the tagboard after the meme and add your name next to mine. Then tag as many persons as you could, giving them these same instructions. Please copy and include the tagboard after your meme and instruct those you will tag to do the same. This will ensure a tremendous surge in the number of traffic and viewers in our respective blogs. Do this and see how traffic and viewership figures in your blog increase exponentially. Thank you very much and God bless.

hello shiela. I've been here once in your blog. I may not be able to visit you here everyday but I want you to know that you are always included in my prayers...

God bless you and your family...

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