So scared!
A friend just wrote to me, telling me about a brain surgery she just had to stop her shaking. It turned out that the Dr. had never done it before and she had to be awake the whole time, and he made some mistakes that made her suffer.
She has to go through part 2 of the surgery on Wednesday, again with the Dr. who has never done this before, so please add "Helen" to your prayer lists, if you will.
I am sharing with you a letter I wrote to her, because it will explain what is going on with me right now. Soon I won't be able to write how I am, as I am getting worse hourly.
I feel guilty even asking for support or more prayers again...but some need help longer than others. Thanks in advance. I'm scared.
Oh Helen....
*tears* I am so sorry for what you are going through. It seems that usually the cure is harder than the illness. Whenever we get treatment, they seem to have to cause more pain in some way, to help fix the pain. It's a tradeoff. I hope you will recover so quickly. I am putting you on my church prayer list, then maybe you will heal quicker, and go through Wednesday's surgery easier than anyone. OH GOSH I wish it was not that same Dr. doing Wednesday's surgery...but I guess they have to do everything for the first time, and it's unfortunate to be their patient for their first time...especially if you have to stay awake to feel all their mistakes!
I'm going to mention your meds to my brother. Who also has a shaking problem. At the moment, a Dr. who does not understand about people in pain deserving pain medicine, treated like a filthy drug addict instead of a person who needs pain relief. He is from Africa and says this country gives too much pain medicine and in Africa, no one gets pain control, even if they are screaming and close to death. I didn't think that was something to brag about from his country. In this country, and in most of the world, we are learning that people in pain are very much under-treated, and that it is only compassionate to help relieve serious pain.
On Friday my Dr. insulted, abused, demeaned me so badly, that I almost gave up hope for living. He is a substitute for my Dr. and won't carry on my regular treatment, so now I get to go through pneumonia, withdrawal of my regular meds, and severe pain that has made my heart stop before, from lupus, and from Trigeminal Neuralgia, also called the suicide disease. He does not care if I go home and scream and die in this amount of suffering. In even a third world country, I could at least get treatment if I paid for it, but in Canada, we can't pay for it, so if they say "no treatment", you are just stuck to go home and suffer alone, and have your family watch you suffer and cry out and sweat and shake, etc. etc. Mom is also terminally ill, Dad died just a few weeks ago. I don't want her to see me when I get really bad in a day or 2, but if I go to a motel, I could die there alone with no food or drink or help. I'm in so much trouble right now. Doing lots of praying and reading positive things as long as I am able to concentrate. Each hour gets a bit more severe. Soon I won't be able to talk myself out of negative thoughts...my only thoughts will be screaming thoughts and crying out to my loving God...and I am scared. That Dr. caused so much stress that he increased the pain right then and there, because stress makes lupus worse. If I know I can get help no matter how much I suffer, I relax and the pain is less. Now that I have been told that I will not get help no matter how bad the suffering gets, the pain is worse and so is the fear.
If you pray, I would appreciate a prayer or two. Going to put your name on the prayer list now.
Bless you....bless the doctor's mind and hands.
God bless.
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