LIFE --1 Hour At A Time!

Have you ever felt like this duck ?




I am not writing this to upset anyone or to get sympathy. My lupus group asked me to post my progress, good or bad, through this medical abuse situation I am going through, so medical

people can understand pain better.



Can't write much, too much pain, but wanted people to know that God is helping me. This will take a few hours for me to get my thoughts out. God speaks to us through "the still, small voice inside", and right now my pain is "louder" than that voice, so I don't get as much comfort when the pain is worst, but before the pain got too bad, I was inspired to look for a "patient advocate" to help me get a new Dr. In the USA there is 1 in every hospital, but when I researched it here 2 days ago, I learned that when you sign papers to be admitted to a Canadian hospital, you are signing something that says that you CAN NOT have a patient advocate help you! Then what is a patient advocate for?

Medical system could do so much if it
was not so corrupt.


Tomorrow I will try to start to make calls to get help. There is no way I can even get out of bed long enough to go visit up to 20 doctors to find one that will accept me. I tried 17 before. Was insulted, abused, accused, neglected, and I don't have strength to bear all of that now when I am curled in a ball in pain. God has always helped me find answers before, He will help me again. I almost lost hope because I was "leaning on my own understanding", but God knows answers that I don't know, and He will help me find the solution again.



I understand now more than ever why trigeminal neuralgia is called the suicide disease, but I also have pain throughout my whole body to try to bear with the trigeminal neuralgia. It gets worse as the day goes on, and by evening I can't think anything except to silently pray, and a few times I even prayed that if this was not going to get better, or if I could not get help, if God would just take me. I can barely remember my own name when it gets that bad. It makes chest pain like when this pain made my heart stop before, so I wonder if I will have another NDE. (Near death experience.) Since He did not take me, that means He WILL find some way for the pain to get less...whether its a natural way, through His healing, or through the medical world.

It's ironic that I go unconscious from diabetes when I don't have bad pain, yet when I am in this horrid pain, I can't pass out to escape the pain. I am amazed a person can hurt this much and not pass out.

I want medical people who read this to understand that things are worse than death, to learn that much chronic pain is worse than anything a cancer patient would feel, yet we get called "drug seekers" and get denied any help. Cancer patients' pain will go away. Either they will die, or they will be cured. Lupus and and other diseases do not go away. People with these diseases will live for 40 years+ in pain, being expected to keep up with everyone else and to keep living a high paced, high stress life.

This article took 6 hours! (lots of resting between writing)
I know that Heavenly Father is helping me through this,
and I am SO grateful!I know He will help me get better so that I can finish my purpose for coming to earth. (His plan for my life).
Blessings! I'm praying for all of you that have become my online friends!
Bluebirdy