I had a weird experience yesterday. There have only been 3 times that I have cried uncontrollably since Dad died. First was when he died, second was after the funeral, third was last night about 8:00. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset and why I couldn't stop myself from crying, and I cried until about 10:30, then I realized that 7:45 two weeks ago is when Dad died. It seems like my body stored that traumatic hour in my body, and somehow, the alarm in my body went off at the same time he died. Strange.
I noticed that with my divorce, too. Even after many years when I had forgotten the dates that some events happened, I would get into the most solemn, quiet, sad mood, and not understand why, then later it would come to me that it was that hour, day, month, etc. that he told me he was leaving, or that he did something else traumatic in our relationship.
Just this month I have read a bit about memories being stored in your DNA, and sometimes are even passed down to the next generation. Maybe this experience has some tie to that theory? I don't know. So many mysteries that I will be so excited to learn after we are resurrected and can learn for eternity.
I am sleeping about 1 hour every 2 days. Stress makes fibro/lupus worse, fibro/lupus flare makes stress worse, so its a vicious cycle.
It is wonderful to feel the peace that passes all understanding, and to feel the Lord carrying us, and to have the knowledge that our family will soon be together again, and we know where he is and that he is happy and probably has even gotten to meet the Lord by now. What a comfort faith is.
Gosh its nasty cold here too. about -12. Its supposed to be the coldest winter in 15 years, and I believe it from the way its starting out! I'll have to go to Salvation army and get more layers of clothes to put under my coat, and a warm hat and scarf and hopefully some snow boots. I hear the snow boots are about $100 new, because the retail stores know that we have not needed them for so many years, that there are none in the used clothing stores, so if we want some, we have to pay whatever they want to charge us.
Here is something else interesting. When Dad went into the nursing home 2 years ago, Mom, my brother and I suddenly hated food. It was like a constant nausea or knot in our stomach. We didn't even like the smell or sight of food, so we lived on very little food. This is one of the reasons I gained so much weight. My body thought it was starving, so it would not burn any fat. Now that the knot is out of our stomach, because we know that Dad is not suffering anymore, we are eating more (because there is so much food here left over from the funeral), and I lost 5 pounds in 5 days (2.5 kilos) from eating MORE! Dieting ruins your metabolism. Most large people have dieted themselves all the way to obesity. People are now learning that there are no magic pills or diets or tricks to staying thin. Only eating good food in portions that are not too big, and keep moving around as much as possible. So much has to do with genetics, also. I AM THANKING GOD for helping me lose even 5 pounds because there is no way I can exercise enough to lose a lot of weight. Too much pain. I have found a few ways to exercise without pain, but do it many times a day, so that it will burn calories. I hope soon I will be strong enough for my favorite activity, swimming, and to go on long walks so I can be strong enough to travel. I used to get awards in sports at school. Hard to look at my body now and believe that. lol. I just want to get stronger so I can enjoy life and help others more.