Saturday, 16 February 2008

Re: Shakey day-severe pain, nearly became a widow.

This entry might seem a bit long, but it is worth the read. Many adventures today.
1) My husband was very close to being bombed by a suicide bomber
2) I explain a condition I have never told you about that I have, referred to as "the suicide disease" because it is the most painful condition known to man.
3) I introduce you to my mentally ill brother who is doing miraculously considering his burden.
4) It was my birthday!
5) I expand on the above statements in a way that will teach you and touch you and make you think.
     I am so amazed at the adventures I live even from my bed. I have adventures with friends worldwide through this little box that links me to the whole world. I am always thanking Heavenly Father for letting me live in the time of internet.
     When I tell others that I work from bed, their first thought is pretty funny...that I am a "lady of the evening". How else could a person earn money from bed, right? But working on the internet has been my joy and I am blessed to be able to do it.
     This poor old computer is running on a prayer and I pray over it like I would a friend, because it is my only link to the outside world, to my husband and to my income.
     A few days ago it was my birthday. Just think. I am older now than I have ever been in my life. Wow, that makes me old! ROFL. (But then you are older today than you have ever been, too!)
     I had visitors and calls and gifts all day! I was overcome with joy! I guess since Dad's funeral, people have started to remember us again, which is WONDERFUL! My thoughtful, giving brother bought me an angel food cake, my regular birthday cake, and it is such a joy to me. I use a different topping each year, and occasionally make it into a chocolate angel food cake. You just add 2 heaping tablespoonfuls of baking cocoa to the mix.
   By 4:00 I was in so much pain that Mom had to entertain the last 2 guests that came to wish me well. What a wonderful day, so different from my 10 years of aloneness in this house.
    I was given a HUGE rose by my sister. The stem was as thick as my baby finger. The rose was orange, pink and yellow, and it is as fresh today as when she came a week ago from 5 hours away.
   Another friend brought a beautiful hyacinth plant. I set them side by side on the dining room table, and the next day, all the white blossoms on the hyacinth were brown and dead! I could not figure out what I did wrong! I am not good with plants, but this was illogical! I searched a bit online, and found out that roses give off ethylene gas to blossoms next to them, to kill them, so that the rose will get all the sunshine and food from the soil instead of the flower next to it. It's a parasite plant! So I gently pulled off the brown blossoms and placed the plant in another area and will try to nurse it back to health.
     Having a tough day. I am shaking with both fear and gratitude to our loving Lord. I was awoken by a phone call from my husband telling me that soon I would hear on the news of a horrid suicide bombing near his house that blew all the outside windows out of homes for half a mile around, that killed 37 and injured 90. He was calling to tell me that he was fine, because he knew I would worry, and worry worsens my pain. In 2 days Pakistan has its election, and few will go out into the streets because of the danger. Most of those who were killed were of the opposition party (opposing Musharraf). The Taliban and Al-Qaeda do not only terrorize non-Muslims, they even terrorize their own people. 
      The houses there are as ancient as the land is. It reminds me of pictures of how Jesus lived thousands of years ago. Each house has 4 walls that are wide enough to hold rooms, then an open center courtyard. There are windows facing the courtyard, but very rarely are there windows facing the street or back.There is usually neighbors' homes on each of the side walls. There is a staircase on the outside and on the inside to go up to the roof. 
    When I saw pictures of these houses, I finally understood the story in the Bible of Jesus speaking in a friend's home, and that people gathered in the courtyard and on the roof to listen, and now I can see how they lowered a man on a stretcher with ropes into the house. They lowered him from the roof into the courtyard for Jesus to heal.  My husband's house does have a window in the front so they can see who is at the front door. It was blown out. There are other families who came to stay in the house my husband is at because their house was very near the voting location. THANKYOU LORD FOR SPARING MY HUSBAND AGAIN! I hope you are sparing him so that he can come home to me before I pass away.
    My husband is acting like Dr. to them. He is often called upon to measure blood pressure or blood sugar or temperature or to give injections, because those things cost a lot of money if you go to a clinic to get them done. My husband was a pharmacist and pre-med student and owned his own pharmacy, which he turned over to his brother before choosing a new occupation of translations. His translations are to help the cause against terrorists, through the UK government. 
    Most of the people who came to his home have pain in their ears and head from the percussion of air and the noise, and their ears are ringing so loudly that they probably sustained some hearing damage. They also can't stay in a house overnight if the windows are out of it, its too cold and looters could enter, so they are staying with my husband overnight at least. One man had bleeding from an ear, so I guess it broke his eardrum.
    Nothing over there is prescription, so he can go to the market and get medicines to help calm the people down, or antibiotics, or pain medicine. He is a good, compassionate man. One thing I will have a very hard time adjusting to is that he has company 20 hours a day on the days he is not working. I can't do that. 
    My brother is in the next room swearing and saying the most horrible negative things and talking about suicide and yelling about how cursed he is, and that really gets to me. Since my NDEs (near death experiences), the negativity of people or media really disturb me. I pray to know what to say to him to help him, but he won't listen to anything positive and doesn't know how to comfort himself. Even at night he swears and yells and tosses and turns in his sleep. He got kicked out of a campground in the middle of the night for it. Its obviously a brain chemical imbalance but no Dr. has been able to find the right medicine to help him. Poor guy, gets no relief even in sleep.
    I am proud that his books just got published. He worked on them full time for 13 years. It is an encyclopedia of herbal medicine. You can look up any herb, and symptom or disease, and see what to do, how to use the herbs, and pictures of the herbs. The link to see his books are on the right side column of this blog under "Favorite sites".
    I don't know if I ever mentioned that I have Trigeminal Neuralgia. That is the reason that I was finally put in strong pain medicine, so I am thankful for the condition. Before I got it, it didn't matter that I had severe kidney pain and other pain from lupus in many areas of my body, no one would help me with pain medicine, but with TN, you MUST have strong pain meds, because the pain is severe enough to stop your heart, which I have had happen. At that point, doctors decide that keeping you alive is more important than worrying about the addictive quality of the medicine.
Trigeminal neuralgia (TN), or Tic Douloureux, ( also known as prosopalgia ) is a neuropathic disorder of the trigeminal nerve that causes episodes of intense pain in the eyes, lips, nose, scalp, forehead, and jaw.[1] Trigeminal neuralgia is considered by many to be among the most painful of conditions and is often labeled the "suicide disease" because of the significant numbers of people taking their own lives when they cannot find effective treatments. An estimated 1 in 15,000 people suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, although numbers may be significantly higher due to frequent misdiagnosis. It usually develops after the age of 40, although there have been cases with patients being as young as three years of age [2]. More information at wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigeminal_neuralgia
    My pain today is so bad that I am considering going to the E.R. but I have no one to go with me, so I may just stay home and suffer as usual. My pain is only 8 out of 10 right now. When it gets to 9, I can't sit up or roll over, when it gets to 10, I am sobbing, shaking and too sick to be moved to the E.R. so I try to control it with every method possible at home before it gets to 9 or 10.
     The new pain studies have shown over and over that those who take strong pain meds (narcotic opiates) for severe pain do not get high, they only get their pain neutralized, so there is very little chance of being psychologically addicted. Your body does get dependent upon it though, so if you go off, your body will go through physical withdrawal, but you will not crave the drug in order to get high. What I am addicted to is pain relief!
    The new doctors are being taught about the new theories of pain control, but the older doctors still don't get it. I went to 17 doctors who said they would not treat me because I was on strong pain meds.  The doctors that graduated before 5 years ago were taught to look at everyone who has severe, chronic pain as a drug seeker, instead of looking at them as a pain-relief seeker.
    I have such a long list of things that must be done, but most days I only get 1 or 2 things done. I remember getting 40 or more things done in a day. I could think of the list, then get them all done. Now I can't even think of the list. I guess that is due to the effect of pain upon the brain, as my last posts explain.
     I guess I won't go to the E.R.  When I'm in this much pain, I am not strong enough to defend myself when being accused of being a drug seeker. I occasionally get a good compassionate Dr. but not usually.
    I have been told this hospital will change almost immediately because my city got 80 new doctors this year. (All from other countries). I am eager to see that change! Up to now, doctors would be very compassionate and patient, but soon they would start affiliating with the local doctors, who would tell them how things should be done, and if things were not done their way, they would be outcasts from the society of doctors, so very soon, they developed the bad habits and bad attitudes of local doctors.
    This took me all day (12+ hours) to write, taking breaks in between. I am cutting off as many email groups and newsletters as possible and deleting most forwards. I have been spending 8 to 12 hours a day on emails, and I just don't have the strength for it anymore.
     I just looked at my horoscope for today. I don't believe in it much, but I laugh when it coincidentally is right on. It said today would be an emotionally draining day.
Blessings, all; sweet dreams.


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