I think I was poisoned.
I have heard "the cure is often worse than the disease" but I didn't expect the tests to be harder than the disease. When a person has to go through so many tests for so many days in a row, and are so sick they can barely get up and get dressed, I wish they would keep the person in the hospital. I guess they are cutting down hospital stays because of the vast amount in bacterial infections people are getting. In the USA its because of money, but in Canada I think its due to the germs. Anyway, the chemicals they gave me for the nuclear testing of my heart and lungs made me so sick. After the heart testing I went to the E.R., but after the lung testing, I could not bear to sit in a waiting room for 3 hours then in a bed being ignored for 5 hours, so I went home and took more pain medicine than I have ever had in my life, and still could not even lift a leg or roll over for more than 24 hours. The nurse said I would have no side effects from the radioactive agent I inhaled and that was injected...so I expected nothing...but it was only 2 hours before I was in unbearable pain, and I am glad I was able to get home and get out of the car before I collapsed. I am still so sick today, 4 days later, that I have only had a piece of fruit each day brought to me by my mom because I can't get up to make anything more. I will see on Wednesday what the results are, but I am sure it is not my lungs. I need to know why my heart rate goes to 150 after 10 steps, and too weak to even get paperwork done the way I could 4 months ago. Some days I want to get well and move to a third country to be with my husband until he gets his Canadian visa, and other days I pray to die because I can't bear to even have company and visit and take care of a husband in that kind of pain. Trying to practice positive thinking, but still it would be easier if I had a friend or companion to help remind me of positive things. In this much pain you don't think much of positive things. In fact I didn't think much except "ouch God please help" over and over and over. Oh well, one hour at a time, and LOTS of prayer. Lost my best (and only) friend locally because I can't keep up even phone conversations and visits and doing things with her.
Oh God help. How do people do this alone?
Bluebirdy
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