Bad stress day---still jealous of cancer!
In response to the letter below asking for prayer, a friend wrote:
"Dear BB,I don't know how yet, but tonight's and tomorrow'sprayers will be longer, stronger and more fervent thanany before. Bless you, my friend.Love, CD "
I replied:
"Thanks CD
Words can't express my appreciation. I'm so worn out. I got called for instructions for prepping for the test, and it was a nightmare. The nurses started fighting with me about what the Dr. had written down that I could take my morphine before the test, (he said I could, the nurses said I couldn't take it for 24 hours before the test.) I disagreed because if you go off, it would really mess up your heartbeat due to pain and withdrawal. The stupid nurse (just a receptionist I'm sure) accused me of taking street drugs, because "morphine is only given to cancer patients", and then hung up on me, then another one called me and told me I couldn't take my nitroglycerine for chest pain either, so I asked if I should go to the E.R. if I have heart pain or what, and she said "They won't treat you in the E.R,. if you have that test tomorrow! You can't have any drugs in your system.!" I said "You mean if I were having a heart attack, they would rather let me die than give me medicine because I'm having a test tomorrow? Wouldn't it be better to reschedule the test than to not treat a heart attack?" She hung up on me. Nurse (receptionist #3) calls... She asks why I can't go off my morphine. I tell her I can't even sit up or roll over without it, so I couldn't get in to take the test. She said "Well that's YOUR choice if you don't want the test, and it WAS your choice to start taking drugs!" I told her its a prescription, not street drugs and said "no, you don't understand. I need the test but I also need to be able to get to the hospital to have the test." She said well I guess you should 'jusscontinue' the nitro". I didn't quite catch what she said. I said "sorry, did you say I should "just" continue the nitro, or discontinue the nitro?" she said I'll have the Dr. call you about this, Sheila! You are obviously having problems that we can't deal with, and as for your fibro, there is no such disease. Its a neurotic's disease." She hung up. Then the Dr. called me and said that the nurses were wrong, that the original instructions he gave me are right, that he will give them a strict talking to about them not understanding that many people take morphine that don't have cancer, and yes, Fibromyalgia is a real and disabling disease." I was crying by then, because ONCE AGAIN, I was being accused of using drugs, seeking drugs, and for lying about my pain, and again got called a neurotic because fibro USED to be considered a neurotic disease. Now there is PROOF that its real.
PLEASE don't be offended by this, CD...or anyone who has dealt with cancer, but right now I am jealous that all terminal illnesses are not treated like people with cancer are treated. I can't get 1/100th of the resources available for cancer patients, they do not get insulted for using strong pain meds, they do not get their pain denied, their friends do not desert them, they get help coming out of every corner and every agency in the community, and they know it will end! Either they will pass away from it, or they will be cured. I don't have that guarantee. I could live a total of 50 years in unbearable pain, with no support from society and no physical help. Lost my husband and children due to this...the social part of this is harder than the physical part. I need a support system. You are all great, and the best support system I have, but I am so T-I-R-E-D and can't even defend myself, and shouldn't have to when I can barely even breathe and I'm on oxygen. In the local hospital you almost always need someone with you to be your advocate, and I was looking forward to my husband coming, for 1 reason, to be my advocate when I need it.
Ok I apologize. That's enough of that. I'll write when I feel more "Pollyanna-ish".
Thanks again CD for the prayers and support, SO much. I am hoping the test tomorrow is the beginning of a better life.
Blessings,
Bluebirdy"
Post a Comment