I am still having no pain, anywhere, not fibromyalgia, not lupus, not the oral surgery or infection after.
It's impossible to go from one night needing more pain killers than the E.R. Dr. has ever given anyone, to waking up the next morning with no pain. It is not possible to take morphine for 10 years, then wake up one morning and not need it, and not even go through the withdrawal that comes from your body getting used to being on morphine!
I KNOW this is my miracle. I don't know if it will be permanent, but I am thanking God so often, with tears of joy, with awareness of how differently I think, of all the other things I can think about now that my mind isn't consumed by pain, I'm just really weak. I'm sure God will help me get stronger, too, if that is His will. I am doing my best to improve my life. The sun just seems so much brighter now. Even the bedroom seems lighter! I wish I had the words for how it is to come out of level 8 pain for 10 years to FREEDOM!
I have to get help to get stronger now, after being in bed for so many years, and not eating. My normal diet makes my body thinks its starving, so it won't burn any calories. I have been too weak/nauseated/in pain to get food,so usually I have a yogurt for breakfast, a piece of toast for lunch, and a piece of fruit at bedtime. Been doing that for years. Once in a while I'll have 1 chocolate in a day (diabetic so I don't eat a whole chocolate bar). I have to figure out how to get the strength to get food. Vicious cycle. Need food to be strong, need strength to get food.
I WENT SHOPPING AND IT WAS LIKE
THE FIRST CHRISTMAS FOR A CHILD!
Let me copy from a letter I sent my husband:
HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY!!!
Well not so happy for you,
but maybe a blessed second anniversary!!!
Hi my sunshine
I had such a nice experience today that all I could think of is how I wished you were there to share it with me. I must REALLY be in love, because I want you with me when I'm sad, and the wonderful day I had today seemed almost empty without you to share it with.
I went to the new store they built here in town. I've told you about it before, its the biggest store-chain (set of stores world wide with the same name) on earth, and now this is the biggest building to buy things in Alberta! (other than the malls.) I used a scooter, I bet it would be 10 kilometers to walk up and down every aisle. When I went to the grocery (food) part, and I could not believe it!!! I think I just saw every fruit and vegetable ever grown on earth! Things I never saw before and don't know what to with, but hope to learn, and foods from every country, and every food I ever saw advertised on TV from any country, even things that have never been in Canada before, and even one brand of halal frozen dinners, and about 25 kinds of rice and I can't stop talking. lol.
My eyes lit up like a little child on his first Christmas...or a person who lived in the desert or the country his whole life that just made his first trip to the city. My heart was so full. I have not been out to a park or shopping for so many years...and to go when the Christmas season is starting was just a joy!
I think I experienced a bit of what you will feel when you come here. So much to see and hear and smell all at once, so much to take in, like a whole new life and new planet, so many different things I never saw before, things I didn't know existed on earth. But there was so much to choose from, I went home with almost nothing, because I was so overwhelmed with choices that I could not choose!! So I am thankful that I had that experience so I will understand a little bit of how you will feel. It is very tiring. My Korean sister in law had to take many rests because the new culture and thinking and adjusting to new things every minute is very hard for the first couple of months.
The Christmas season has started and the store was playing music and colored lights were everywhere. I was so filled with joy I almost cried. All the Christmas gifts were there which are not there for the rest of the year and prices are cheaper and in that store, you can buy everything from a bicycle to a wedding ring to shirts to food. An immigrant could come here with nothing but the clothes on his back and his money, and buy EVERYTHING he needs to set up his apartment and life. TV, phone, insurance, eyeglasses, clothes, furniture, paint, decorating services, food, medicine, appliances, things even I have never seen before! That's hard to find! (Hard to find something that you can buy that I have never seen before).
When I got home I had to rest a while but nothing like the past few years.
I told my pharmacist about how well I've felt for 3 days, and he knows about you coming, and he said "I bet you were walking around with that infection in your whole body for years, those idiot doctors! And maybe that is why God was delaying your husband's visa, He was waiting until your health problem was found and taken care of, so you could help your husband when he gets here." That's an interesting thought. I guess we will only know the real reason when we meet Him when we die.
Gosh, 3 days no pain, getting dressed nicely, going shopping,going to the park, getting 1 week worth of work done in 1 day...thanking God with all my heart every few minutes...wow! I want you here to share my joys. I want you out of that war zone. Who would have EVER dreamed that the peaceful valley spoken of for eons, Shangri-La, hidden in the Himalayan mountains, the Switzerland of the area, would EVER become a city where the Taliban and Pakistan Army would start a fight among peaceful people? I get news articles every few hours online and they all say the same "The scenic valley" ;"the restive resort valley of ancient acclaim" ; "if war came to SWAT, then there is no safe place left on earth".
I know SWAT was an independent country a short while ago, and a white man never saw SWAT until 1910. Now after being abused by Pakistan for 25 years they want to be independent again. I love that your area has their own laws, culture, habits, different way of thinking. I can understand why people there get angry when they are called "Pakistani", because their laws and women's rights and EVERYTHING is different in SWAT.
Lately there has been set up a curfew. From noon to midnight, people can go out and shop and go to work etc. safely, then from midnight to noon, those who are fighting each other come out and there is war. That is the most CIVIL war I ever heard of! If you can get even evil murderous Taliban to obey a rule and not shoot or bother people for those 12 hours a day, that does say something good for the Muslim religion, even the worst of them. It will be AMAZING if they obey the rules!
I want you in my arms, I want you to be in this wonderful safe place God allowed me to be born in. I wish my lawyer would reply to my letters. I hope to communicate somehow with you soon. I trust that God is protecting you, even when I can't hear from you. I hope communications will be restored soon. Why did God make me tie my heart to a man in such a place and position as this? Such a long wait, so much worry, enough to dissolve a person mind and body. Just more drama for the book we will write about our DRAMATIC love story!